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My 5 y.o. son went missing! About to call 911
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 76703" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We had this problem with both boys. I guess because they were the only ones who started school locally - easy child transferred to the local school after two years in a school in the inner city, where the school was in maximum security mode, she never had the chance to leave without anyone knowing and by the time she transferred home, she knew better. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 never attended the local school (lucky girl).</p><p></p><p>At the local school the kids had to be collected by parents half an hour early, in their first term of Kindergarten (the first year of our elementary school). After that, he caught the bus to and from school or I took him to school. Then one day he wasn't on the bus - I was frantic. Then he walked in the door - said he had missed the bus and walked (it's not far). Then next day - same thing. Rang the school. I remembered he had been talking about another boy in class that was his friend, so I asked the school and they rang that friend's home and presto! He was there. The mother was upset because she thought difficult child 1 had permission, rang me immediately and I collected difficult child 1.</p><p>I gave him a solid talking to, telling him I worried when he wasn't home. I told him there was a routine to this - he needed to come home first, to put his bag away, take out any notes, take out his lunchbox, get changed into play clothes and THEN could go and play, providing I had a chance to set it up ahead of time with the other parent. He was just too young to be permitted to simply go visit, without letting me know first, and letting me make sure it was OK with the other family.</p><p></p><p>In your situation, to argue difficult child's case - he was told to wait until 12 pm. He did - waited even longer. He sounds like a very self-sufficient boy, he knew where he had to go (and he DID get there safely). He simply didn't understand he had to be escorted there. Plus, he was so desperate to play with his friend, he was fed up with waiting.</p><p>OK, this is not good, but in his mind he was being obedient and following the restrictions he had been given. The only restriction he didn't follow, was to let you accompany him (or friend's mother collect him). He did try, and he probably figured you'd know where he was, since it had been arranged.</p><p></p><p>Other parents are often more lax with their kids, when it's not a difficult child. We do tend to be much stricter, or more rigid, with difficult child kids (with good reason - I'm not being critical). So the other mother failing to turn up - she probably figured you'd bring him along, it was no big deal. But it's a HUGE deal for a kid, especially a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 never strayed on the way home again, even in high school. We had taught the kids to always telephone home if they were delayed (which did happen in high school - our transport to high school included catching the boat, the kids often missed it).</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was a totally different problem - he strayed because he didn't know any better. He would wander, and not respond to his name being called. He wasn't being naughty, he just didn't understand. His language was so poor he didn't even know what names were, didn't know his own name, wouldn't respond when you said, "Go see Daddy, or easy child" - he didn't understand. So when he wandered, he could have gone anywhere. Many times we were searching the neighbourhood, only to come back home and find him happily playing under the table, hidden by the tablecloth. He had no idea we were concerned.</p><p></p><p>We didn't barricade the house - he could climb to ceiling height and get any key, his problem-solving skills were remarkable. So we built a childproof fence and tied the gates shut with rope. We left a sign on the gate explaining how to open it, also asking people to close it behind them. After that if difficult child 3 went missing we knew he had to be on the property somewhere.</p><p></p><p>By the time difficult child 3 started school, he had already had safety and routine drilled into him - I gave him written instructions on his afternoon routine, including that if he missed the school bus he was to go to the school office and ask them to ring me - to show them my note (he still was partly non-verbal).</p><p></p><p>I didn't ground difficult child 1 for failing to come home - he simply got it wrong, he wasn't being naughty. He thought it was his right to go visiting friends when they invited him - he had never encountered that problem before. I explained how it should be, and from that point on he tried to obey.</p><p>The fence worked well for difficult child 3. By the time he could escape it, he knew not to. It bought us time until his development could catch up enough for him to understand.</p><p></p><p>Anything we could have used to keep difficult child 3 in the house would also have been dangerous for us. The fence did it for us. </p><p></p><p>Hope this helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 76703, member: 1991"] We had this problem with both boys. I guess because they were the only ones who started school locally - easy child transferred to the local school after two years in a school in the inner city, where the school was in maximum security mode, she never had the chance to leave without anyone knowing and by the time she transferred home, she knew better. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 never attended the local school (lucky girl). At the local school the kids had to be collected by parents half an hour early, in their first term of Kindergarten (the first year of our elementary school). After that, he caught the bus to and from school or I took him to school. Then one day he wasn't on the bus - I was frantic. Then he walked in the door - said he had missed the bus and walked (it's not far). Then next day - same thing. Rang the school. I remembered he had been talking about another boy in class that was his friend, so I asked the school and they rang that friend's home and presto! He was there. The mother was upset because she thought difficult child 1 had permission, rang me immediately and I collected difficult child 1. I gave him a solid talking to, telling him I worried when he wasn't home. I told him there was a routine to this - he needed to come home first, to put his bag away, take out any notes, take out his lunchbox, get changed into play clothes and THEN could go and play, providing I had a chance to set it up ahead of time with the other parent. He was just too young to be permitted to simply go visit, without letting me know first, and letting me make sure it was OK with the other family. In your situation, to argue difficult child's case - he was told to wait until 12 pm. He did - waited even longer. He sounds like a very self-sufficient boy, he knew where he had to go (and he DID get there safely). He simply didn't understand he had to be escorted there. Plus, he was so desperate to play with his friend, he was fed up with waiting. OK, this is not good, but in his mind he was being obedient and following the restrictions he had been given. The only restriction he didn't follow, was to let you accompany him (or friend's mother collect him). He did try, and he probably figured you'd know where he was, since it had been arranged. Other parents are often more lax with their kids, when it's not a difficult child. We do tend to be much stricter, or more rigid, with difficult child kids (with good reason - I'm not being critical). So the other mother failing to turn up - she probably figured you'd bring him along, it was no big deal. But it's a HUGE deal for a kid, especially a difficult child. difficult child 1 never strayed on the way home again, even in high school. We had taught the kids to always telephone home if they were delayed (which did happen in high school - our transport to high school included catching the boat, the kids often missed it). difficult child 3 was a totally different problem - he strayed because he didn't know any better. He would wander, and not respond to his name being called. He wasn't being naughty, he just didn't understand. His language was so poor he didn't even know what names were, didn't know his own name, wouldn't respond when you said, "Go see Daddy, or easy child" - he didn't understand. So when he wandered, he could have gone anywhere. Many times we were searching the neighbourhood, only to come back home and find him happily playing under the table, hidden by the tablecloth. He had no idea we were concerned. We didn't barricade the house - he could climb to ceiling height and get any key, his problem-solving skills were remarkable. So we built a childproof fence and tied the gates shut with rope. We left a sign on the gate explaining how to open it, also asking people to close it behind them. After that if difficult child 3 went missing we knew he had to be on the property somewhere. By the time difficult child 3 started school, he had already had safety and routine drilled into him - I gave him written instructions on his afternoon routine, including that if he missed the school bus he was to go to the school office and ask them to ring me - to show them my note (he still was partly non-verbal). I didn't ground difficult child 1 for failing to come home - he simply got it wrong, he wasn't being naughty. He thought it was his right to go visiting friends when they invited him - he had never encountered that problem before. I explained how it should be, and from that point on he tried to obey. The fence worked well for difficult child 3. By the time he could escape it, he knew not to. It bought us time until his development could catch up enough for him to understand. Anything we could have used to keep difficult child 3 in the house would also have been dangerous for us. The fence did it for us. Hope this helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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My 5 y.o. son went missing! About to call 911
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