My 8 year argues about EVERYTHING!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JEM313, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. JEM313

    JEM313 New Member

    I have an 8 year old boy. He is my second son (his brother is 14 years old and he has a 9 year old step-sister). I love him dearly, but he is driving me insane. He argues about everything with me, his step-father, his real father, siblings, cousing, everyone! I just had a parent/teacher conference and the teacher says that he argues with her some, but argues with his classmates often, which makes kids not want to play with him. I have tried talking to him, but he acts like he doesn't care or starts arguing that he isn't doing anything wrong *sigh*.
    He also has tantrums about how no one loves him. I always tell my kids I love them, at least twice a day (before school and at bedtime). I am very affectionate and spend all my time with them. He has breakdowns about other things too. Like yesterday, I made him change his shirt because the shirt he had on had a stain on it. He broke down crying and saying people won't like his because his shirt was ugly (it was gray and said GAP across the front on blue). After I picked him up from school, he said one of his friends isn't friends with him because of his shirt and another supposedly threatened to beat him up because his shirt was so ugly. This today, he again brought up about how kids hated him because of his ugly shirt. I don't know what to do anymore.
    My only possible answer is that his testosterone levels are high (he is going through early puberty and we are seeing a doctor tomorrow about this). Could this be why? Is there anything else going on with him? I love him but there are times I can't deal with being around him because it is tiring arguing with him so much.
    Thanks for any advice!
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Have you ever had him evaluated by a child psychiatrist? Has he ever had any kind of mental health assessment of any kind? Are there any issues on either side of his family tree, diagnosed or suspected? What other behaviors have you seen with him, especially when it comes to "obsessing" on topics, problems, etc.

    Welcome to our little corner of the world. You have found a great wealth of experience from many parents who have been where you are. There will be a lot of questions at first because we need a very clear picture before we can hopefully get you on the right track. We HATE steering people wrong, which we just might do if we don't have enough information.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Has he always been this way? Poor kid having early puberty...seems like boys get hit hard and we are not as educated on the pre-puberty effects on boys like we are with girls. AT least I wasn't. But I saw when teaching kids that lots of 8-10 yr old boys would start being moody, everybody hates me, and also even having headaches. Huge drama that rivaled what we expect in girls. Poor kid. He sounds very rigid in some ways. Like it is all this way or all that way. If he is always right then of course he is going to argue a lot. So do you think kids really said that? Or is he trying to prove his point?
    I guess regardless of the story, he is obviously going through something and maybe you can ask for some advice and a referral for a therapist or even an evaluation depending on your levels of concerns.

    My son has to argue about every single thing too but I know why and have learned to give him lots of choices and try to give him as much control in his life as he can have (you can clean up alone or with my help etc...). He also says he is "not doing nothing" which is an exact copy of what two of his friends say when I discuss behaviors. sigh, it is exhausting.

    Welcome, I am sure lots of folks can relate and hopefully they will give you ideas. I only have one son so some of the moms/dads with lots of kids might have more insight. Nice to meet you.
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Hello and welcome!

    I do believe that the early puberty can have a lot to do with it. However, it sounds like there might be a bit more going on.

    I have the same questions that have already been asked.

    Welcome again! :notalone:
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I can tell you this much... kids can really be that cruel.
    Got this stuff from difficult child, so I took it to almost-easy child and got another kid-opinion.
    The answer was... the guys pretty much have to go with the flow when it comes to how they dress. Anything else - and you really ARE a bullying target.

    I had to back off of what *I* thought was good for school, and replace it with some rules.
    - had to be full-length pants with a belt
    - shirt had to have collar and sleeves, be long enough to stay tucked in (whether tucked in or not), and not have sayings or slogans or otherwise go against school code.

    IF orange shirt and green pants are what the guys are wearing, I'll just close my eyes.

    Girls have it *slightly* easier... they have the option of being over-the-top stylish and getting away with being different.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.

    I am wondering also about his history. Has he always been this way? Has he had a lot of seperations in his young life? This can play a major role with kids and problems. Any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on EITHER side of his GENETIC family tree? Does he have to switch from home to home a lot (you and birthmother?). Any medication?

    The shirt thing makes me wonder if he is having delusions. Did kids REALLY make THAT big a deal out of his shirt? Does he get bullied a lot at school? How is stepfather with him? Does his birthfather have a girlfriend/wife/a lot of new honeys coming and going? Is there consistency and agreement between his two families?

    What makes you think he is having an early puberty? in my opinion this is not a factor. Most kids go into puberty and do not behave that extremely. A little moodniess and sulking, sure, but you're talking about tantrums, crying, and feeling totally unloved...

    Hugs and please do answer.