My 8 year old daughter is starting to scare me!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TRose, Nov 8, 2013.

  1. TRose

    TRose New Member

    I am new just found this site an hour ago..
    so i'll say that i have a severe anxiety/panic disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), PTSD and ive had this
    since i was a baby.. Ive suffered greatly for this my entire life!
    But i'll divulge into my hurdles next time ;)
    so my daughter is 8 and is becoming increasing violent towards me and her younger brother everyday
    her step dad (Her dad since 18 months old) and my mother who came to live with us a few months ago,
    seem to be excempt from these outbursts for the most part..
    She has always had trouble sleeping and suffers from anxiety as well (Genetic i am sure) which i have gotten her help in school to ease this ect.. She is intelligent to an extreme always above average but her temper has always been an issue at home.. School shes an angel!
    At home more like the Tasmanian devil, she scratches, throws, bites,hits, screams, punches, myself and my 4 yr old son.. I cannot get her to clean or really listen at all, she throws her clothes all over with no regard and she drops garbage where she stands and breaks things...
    I'm at my wits end and it seems that her dad and her nana seem to just ignore it until it affects them personally.. I have panic attacks that can send me in a horrible state for months with no great help from doctors by the way.. And i feel like running away!
    It breaks my heart that she acts like this and i love her sooo much that i'm starting to almost resent her.. Feelings not in actuality im just sad and scared.. How could my own child hate me sooooo much when i love her sooooo much.. And she tells me she hates me probably 50 times a day! When i was young hate wasn't in my vocabulary cause i knew how hurtful of a word it was and ive made sure to instil the same in her or i thought...
    I'm not sure if i'm venting or asking for advise but i'm open if anyone has any...

    Thanks in advance :)
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, it's early, and I didn't have coffee yet (always a bad, but I did want to respond here because weekends can be slow and also because I swear I was born with panic/anxiety/depression/some genetic mental illness too. So I understand where you're coming from when you talk about panic attacks. They are pretty scary, aren't they? Come out of nowhere and, at least in my case, started to cause agoraphobia. Before you can help your daughter, you really need to make sure YOU are in a good place too. You matter A LOT and hopefully you are getting help. The better you feel, the easier it will be for you to deal with the stuff going on in your life. Do you take medication or have any coping skills that help you when you are stressed?

    Secondly, about your little girl. Can you give us a background on her? Did she have a lot of chaos and caregiver changes from infancy-five? Did she witness or was she a part of any abuse by maybe bio. father? Also how is bio. dad's psychiatric profile? She may not know him, but his DNA lives within her so if he has, say, bipolar, she could also have a predisposition to that even though he's not in her life. Did you have a normal pregnancy and delivery? Any delays on her part, verbal or motor skills? Any strange quirks? Is she very friendly toward non-family members yet does not like to be held by you or others close to her? Is he nice to animals? Any fascination with fire? How are her potty habits?

    Ok, need that coffee now. I am very sorry you are going through this with your child. I am wondering if she has ever had a complete evaluation done by perhaps a neuropsychologist?
  3. Confused

    Confused Guest

    TRose, I agree with MidwestMom. You need to make sure your are getting help and to start getting your little girl tested. You have already started by getting her help at school, so your on the right track. Both of you will benefit from thearapy as well. I understand the feeling that we love our kids so much and it seems as if they hate us. I used to think because my son was so good at school and not good at home, it was all me! But some kids can hold it in at school at come home to their "safe person" as I have been told. Also, my son as been a little sassy now at school, medications or just hes more comfy there not sure.

    How long has she had problem? Any triggers you can tell? Foods? I wish you luck.... hugs!
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! You will find out that many of us here have our own struggles too.

    One thing that your daughter has going for her is she is smart and she seems able to hold things together at times. That shows that there is hope she can learn to hold things together for longer and longer periods. She may be like me and always need a safe place to unwind though.

    I dont have a lot of experience with kids who were good at school and devils at home because my youngest (the worst difficult child) was an equal opportunity (trying to think of a kind way to say this)...uhhh, jerk. He could be absolutely lovable one moment anywhere and then the next, everyone knew why he was a difficult child. That was good in a way because no one ever doubted us about his behavior.

    If you havent had your daughter tested beyond the school system I would do that. Some here love neuropsychs but they arent my favorite. You can normally find a good multi-disciplinary evaluation at a local children's hospital. Or maybe you have something like we do in NC and have what is called a Developmental Evaluation Center. That's the place that first diagnosed my son.

    Really knowing what is going on with her is the first step but then comes the harder work and thats deciding on a treatment plan. My son was in therapy from the time he was 4 until he was 17 - different types at different ages.

    If you think there is a chance in heck that should could have bipolar tendencies, I would read The Bipolar Child. Also The Defiant Child is a good book. Nowadays they have been changing young kids from having early onset bipolar to something that I last knew as Temper Dysregulation Disorder. If you look that up on google you might see if it sounds like it fits. When my son had a psychiatric evaluation about 4 years ago, the psychiatrist said he most likely had TDD as a child because he really doesnt fit adult bipolar. In fact, as a kid he never was extremely depressed.

    *I hope you can get some things figured out. Its hard on us parents who also have issues going on.