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My abusive adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 728247" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Hello Mll,</p><p>Welcome to this safe place. I know it is a relief for you to share your story to others who have been there and understand your situation. While each person’s circumstances are unique, we pull together in support of each other. There is much wisdom, guidance and comfort here. [USER=19522]@New Leaf[/USER] above has already given wise insight and I agree with her.</p><p></p><p>If you have read others’ threads and posts on this forum, you know you are not alone. I am also in my 70s with older adult children. I understand your tiredness. Make a change now to take care of yourself. We are not responsible for our adult children, their choices, nor the type of adult persons they have become. My goodness, at her older adult age - 52, your daughter should be the one thinking of how she can help and care for you in many ways.</p><p></p><p>We have no authority and control over all the times of their lives. Wow. Such bitter remarks certainly are hurtful. I think you have done well to decide on “no contact.” I would also stop any flow of money to her. Take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p>Leafy (above) provided the link to the <u>Article on Detachment</u>. It is the 3rd thread listed at the top of this Parents Emeritus forum. Read this article and re-read it. Take one day at a time, focusing on taking care of yourself. As you stay with us here, you will become stronger, and make your way out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). There are several members here also with older children. By this time in our lives with older children, we need to accept that we are not responsible and can do nothing to fix or change them. It is not healthy (physically or mentally) to continue such a relationship that only brings more and more of the same trials. It is only in our loving detachment, and freeing our adult children and freeing ourselves in this detachment process, that we can find some relief, a bit of peace and sanity. These difficult children must find their own way and reap their own consequences, whether good or bad.</p><p></p><p>Every day I have to remind myself how to stay sane and peaceful and reaffirm the benefits of detachment. I have learned and continue to remind myself to:</p><p style="margin-left: 20px">· Stop trying to fix someone else’s problems</p> <p style="margin-left: 20px">· Stop trying to encourage change in someone who doesn’t want to change.</p> <p style="margin-left: 20px">· Stop giving repeated chances to someone who abuses/takes advantage of forgiveness and support.</p> <p style="margin-left: 20px">· Stop trusting nice-sounding words (often lies) while ignoring/tolerating destructive actions.</p> <p style="margin-left: 20px">· Stop giving my strength and effort toward a relationship that isn’t reciprocated.</p><p></p><p>You have taken a big step in reaching out to us here, in deciding as you said <em>"I have had it!"</em></p><p>Stay with us, share with us. More folks will come along soon. I will be following along, MII.</p><p></p><p>Take care dear. We understand. <em>You are going to be alright.</em> Day by day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 728247, member: 19617"] Hello Mll, Welcome to this safe place. I know it is a relief for you to share your story to others who have been there and understand your situation. While each person’s circumstances are unique, we pull together in support of each other. There is much wisdom, guidance and comfort here. [USER=19522]@New Leaf[/USER] above has already given wise insight and I agree with her. If you have read others’ threads and posts on this forum, you know you are not alone. I am also in my 70s with older adult children. I understand your tiredness. Make a change now to take care of yourself. We are not responsible for our adult children, their choices, nor the type of adult persons they have become. My goodness, at her older adult age - 52, your daughter should be the one thinking of how she can help and care for you in many ways. We have no authority and control over all the times of their lives. Wow. Such bitter remarks certainly are hurtful. I think you have done well to decide on “no contact.” I would also stop any flow of money to her. Take care of yourself. Leafy (above) provided the link to the [U]Article on Detachment[/U]. It is the 3rd thread listed at the top of this Parents Emeritus forum. Read this article and re-read it. Take one day at a time, focusing on taking care of yourself. As you stay with us here, you will become stronger, and make your way out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). There are several members here also with older children. By this time in our lives with older children, we need to accept that we are not responsible and can do nothing to fix or change them. It is not healthy (physically or mentally) to continue such a relationship that only brings more and more of the same trials. It is only in our loving detachment, and freeing our adult children and freeing ourselves in this detachment process, that we can find some relief, a bit of peace and sanity. These difficult children must find their own way and reap their own consequences, whether good or bad. Every day I have to remind myself how to stay sane and peaceful and reaffirm the benefits of detachment. I have learned and continue to remind myself to: [INDENT]· Stop trying to fix someone else’s problems · Stop trying to encourage change in someone who doesn’t want to change. · Stop giving repeated chances to someone who abuses/takes advantage of forgiveness and support. · Stop trusting nice-sounding words (often lies) while ignoring/tolerating destructive actions. · Stop giving my strength and effort toward a relationship that isn’t reciprocated.[/INDENT] You have taken a big step in reaching out to us here, in deciding as you said [I]"I have had it!"[/I] Stay with us, share with us. More folks will come along soon. I will be following along, MII. Take care dear. We understand. [I]You are going to be alright.[/I] Day by day. [/QUOTE]
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