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My abusive adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 729895" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>MII, it helps me too, to reply to others because it works out in my head and heart my similar journey. So I thank you. We all share something in common, and that is grieving over the choices of our adult children. I am sorry that your daughter's mistreatment and your circumstances have led to depression. I hope you are able to go see someone about this. Depression is an awful thing to suffer through. Please seek help, let your PCP know how you are feeling and your doctor can guide you to a therapist. Alanon or Naranon are good groups to go to where you can have face to face interaction with people who have travelled this path.</p><p> I am so sorry for your losses. It is hard when we get to an age where our loved ones are called home. Harder still, when there is senseless loss with overdose. I am coming up on the two year mark of my husbands passing, find myself reminiscing a lot because I have more time. The first year was difficult, but filled with the necessities of arrangements and figuring out finances and such. Now, that I can breathe a little there, I find myself going down memory lane, so to speak. When I start to feel down, I give my troubles to God. If you have faith, prayer helps tremendously. If not, meditation, or reading comforting material helps.</p><p>There are times that trigger deep feelings and strike the core of us. I hope you are able to release that energy. It is so important to be able to grieve. I imagine with working two jobs that is difficult. Do you have someone close to you who you feel comfortable sharing with? Sometimes having someone there to listen provides relief. I find that walking helps me. It has even been proven that it releases endorphins and helps us to relax.</p><p>I ended up unfriending my daughter. I found it too much to see her posts. Both of my daughters have said some very hurtful things as well. The thing is, MII, we are <em>human. </em>NO one is perfect. We did the best job we could. Your daughter is just trying to goad you into <em>continuing as is.</em> She is old enough to take care of herself, you should not have to work so hard at this point in your life, to keep rescuing her. She should listen to her own advice and honor her mother, not hurt you and have expectations and feel entitled to your generosity.</p><p>I know how this feels. I have lost contact with my two. It is a strange sort of void, and I can't honestly say that I<em> miss them</em>. So much has happened through the years. When they do "surface' and show up, I have this feeling of relief that they are alive, but also this edgy dread, <em>waiting for the other shoe to drop</em>. I wish things were different for us. But, unfortunately, I am an opportunity for them. I will not allow them to live with me, so they are angry and think I am unfair. When they were here, drugging and carrying on, it was unacceptable. I didn't want to be in my own home.</p><p>That is pretty much how I feel, too.</p><p>MII, you have value and worth. Despite all that has happened, the losses we both have suffered, there is much beauty in life. I hope you are able to reach out somehow and lift yourself up. Start small with something simple and doable. I find reading inspirational quotes helps. I write down ones that I like.</p><p>One day, one step at a time, try to find ways to switch your focus.</p><p>You matter, and making the best rest of your life, matters.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 729895, member: 19522"] MII, it helps me too, to reply to others because it works out in my head and heart my similar journey. So I thank you. We all share something in common, and that is grieving over the choices of our adult children. I am sorry that your daughter's mistreatment and your circumstances have led to depression. I hope you are able to go see someone about this. Depression is an awful thing to suffer through. Please seek help, let your PCP know how you are feeling and your doctor can guide you to a therapist. Alanon or Naranon are good groups to go to where you can have face to face interaction with people who have travelled this path. I am so sorry for your losses. It is hard when we get to an age where our loved ones are called home. Harder still, when there is senseless loss with overdose. I am coming up on the two year mark of my husbands passing, find myself reminiscing a lot because I have more time. The first year was difficult, but filled with the necessities of arrangements and figuring out finances and such. Now, that I can breathe a little there, I find myself going down memory lane, so to speak. When I start to feel down, I give my troubles to God. If you have faith, prayer helps tremendously. If not, meditation, or reading comforting material helps. There are times that trigger deep feelings and strike the core of us. I hope you are able to release that energy. It is so important to be able to grieve. I imagine with working two jobs that is difficult. Do you have someone close to you who you feel comfortable sharing with? Sometimes having someone there to listen provides relief. I find that walking helps me. It has even been proven that it releases endorphins and helps us to relax. I ended up unfriending my daughter. I found it too much to see her posts. Both of my daughters have said some very hurtful things as well. The thing is, MII, we are [I]human. [/I]NO one is perfect. We did the best job we could. Your daughter is just trying to goad you into [I]continuing as is.[/I] She is old enough to take care of herself, you should not have to work so hard at this point in your life, to keep rescuing her. She should listen to her own advice and honor her mother, not hurt you and have expectations and feel entitled to your generosity. I know how this feels. I have lost contact with my two. It is a strange sort of void, and I can't honestly say that I[I] miss them[/I]. So much has happened through the years. When they do "surface' and show up, I have this feeling of relief that they are alive, but also this edgy dread, [I]waiting for the other shoe to drop[/I]. I wish things were different for us. But, unfortunately, I am an opportunity for them. I will not allow them to live with me, so they are angry and think I am unfair. When they were here, drugging and carrying on, it was unacceptable. I didn't want to be in my own home. That is pretty much how I feel, too. MII, you have value and worth. Despite all that has happened, the losses we both have suffered, there is much beauty in life. I hope you are able to reach out somehow and lift yourself up. Start small with something simple and doable. I find reading inspirational quotes helps. I write down ones that I like. One day, one step at a time, try to find ways to switch your focus. You matter, and making the best rest of your life, matters. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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