My Baby is About to start 6th Grade/ Update on Us

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Stella Johnson, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    difficult child starts middle school in the morning. I can't believe how big she is getting. I can't believe we both lived through her elementary tears. I found this board when she was in Kindergarten. I don't think I would have made it without Fran and the rest of the board:bloodshot:

    For the most part she is doing much better in the behavior department. She doesn't rage at all any more. Now she has moved on to argueing over ANYTHING. She has the mouth of a teenager but it's not quite the same. Hard to explain but it's like a pre-teen mouth with the maturity level of about a 3rd grader. The mouth really gets on my nerves but it beats putting up with- meltdowns and raging any day.;)

    difficult child has really grown. She is 11 and is already 5'5" and wears a size 9 1/2 shoe:surprise: We have constant arguements over her wearing a bra. She loved to wear one until the day she NEEDED to wear one.

    She has lots of friends in the neighborhood now. Most are younger than her because of her maturity level but she is learning to keep friends.

    The sperm donor comes to visit about once per month. Legally he gets supervised visitation 2 Sundays per month for 2 hours. He never stays that long. He and his wife are always in a hurry to go see her family in a nearby city. difficult child doesn't seem to care as long as he buys her a new toy. I think it's sad but that is the relationship he has created. The man has yet to buy clothes, school supplies, or anything useful.

    We are having problems with a few bullies down the street. One is in 8th grade an enjoys telling difficult child she is retarded and stupid. Last week she ran behind difficult child on her back trying to hit her with a stick. The little brat's mother was in the front yard just watching. I tried to talk to the little brat a couple of months ago after another incident. I asked if her parents approved of her bullying younger kids. She told me point blank that her parents hate Sabrina because she is annoying. I wanted to grab her and show her what it is like to get a beating. But I restrained myself.
    I've thought about calling the police but they never do much.

    Anyway, on to 6th grade. She is in a self contained class except for band, PE, and lunch. She is going to play the clarinet. I thought it might help her make friends. She isn't very enthused about band but I'm forcing this one anyway. I think she will enjoy it after she gets used to it.
    I'm so afraid she will get lost in the crowd or meet the "wrong" kids. Kids are so different in middle school. Hopefully band will help with this an help her be part of a positive group.

    difficult child has a tutor now. He is really helping her. She even minds him well. She usually does well with male authority figures.

    Well, there is our little update. Keep your fingers crossed for us tomorrow

  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    WOW middle school. I would be so scared yet you do have so much to be proud of! When K entered 1st almost 3 weeks ago it was very tense and nerve wracking for husband and I. Still no friends, but no huge breakdowns either! School is so scary for the parents.
    I hope she does well and feels great about middle school! Sending out good thoughts for the morning to go well, and the year!
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Good to hear from you Steph! It's hard to believe that S is growing up so fast!!!
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a great update-no raging is huge! It's amazing to me that the mother of the bully watched and did nothing-really sad. I hope middle school goes well for both our kiddos-mine is starting middle school next week!
  5. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    My difficult child will be starting High School. Looking back at the beginning of middle school...oh I was NOT prepared for Middle School.

    He was younger, so ofcourse his maturity was not there. 6th grade didn't seem too much, but he wanted to fit in. Very social. So..he was awful. WRONG crowd. Got caught buying and smoking POT. He was TEN.

    That was it. Even NOW difficult child said he wishes he could go back to 6th grade and do things so different. Me too. I was working 2nd shift out of town at that time so I wasn't home after school. He needed me.

    I believe if I would of been there to support him and guide him better, it would of made a big difference.

    You are on top of it. You seem prepared. I am sure she will do great. Band is wonderful. They are part of something. That is what difficult child needed. To be part of something.

    Talk to parents of new friends she meets. (our mistake) If I were to do it over again, I would be the host of sleep-overs, or outings.

    Make sure the teachers are aware if she has an IEP. Found out in Middle school every single year that the teachers were NOT aware that he had an IEP until things started getting really tough and I would get called in to a meeting and question the IEP. They would look at me in surprise.

    MAKE sure they follow it. Had that problem more often than not. Once I was there every day making sure the IEP was followed, things got much better.

    Is it a big school?
  6. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Wow, Steph, how time goes by!

    Thank you for the updatel.

    Middle school. I'm so glad to have that first year done with Son. The first three months were just awful with him having panic attacks almost daily. He goes to a big school 1800 students (a new middle school is planned but years off) and the first time at school without Mom being physically present every day.

    I second about making sure the teachers know about any IEP and accomodations. Son's teachers had no idea until I informed them about his 504. They are more likely to know if she is in self-contained, but just make sure.

    I'm absolutely flabbergasted that stinking little bully's Mom would just stand there like a statue. Did you speak to her? I would have gone directly to her. Keep your video camera handy if the police drag their feet.Picture=thousand words.

    Daughter was in band all through middle school. She also played clarinet. She began to lose interest by high school, but it did help. Plus, she loved all the trips they took.

    I'm pulling for difficult child. Let us know how it's going!

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW - middle school. I remember her as she was when I met her at Fran's house. She was so sweet to me!

    No raging is HUGE!!!! I am so glad. I know all about the MOUTH and the ARGUING. Middle school was bad for both my kids. They refused to follow the IEP - even went around the block on the computer i had the tech dept put in!!! I wasn't the only parent who wanted to sue - MANY parent with kids who had IEPs DID sue. I made a private agreement to get what I wanted for EACH of my kids in ANY grade and traded that for my promise not to sue. It was a much needed and used agreement.

    We even had to pull Jess out after a few months in Middle School. It is a function of OUR middle school though. Every parent I know says the staff adn faculty are hideous, esp to parents. They don't want parents in the bldg or to know what is going on. Thank heavens we also have a Jr High and it is AWESOME. It ends up healing a LOT of wounds in kids our Middle School makes in them.

    Keep on top of her planner, make sure the teachers FOLLOW hte IEP and I hope she enjoys band. it will help her be a part of things.

    That little bully and her parents should be up on charges. Insist on pressing charges - and video would be very valuable. Maybe a no contact order is needed. You CAN get a restraining order for a bully, I think. Otherwise, if it is OK, then you can bully the little brat back. Throw rocks at her.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Huge progress! Way To Go!

    Fingers crossed that there are a few nice kids and alot of great teachers to make this big step a positive one. Hugs. DDD
  9. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    When my difficult child was in 1st grade I kind of helped her along with friends. Invite classmates over after school if you can. It really helped her. At that time she wasn't good at maintaining relationships because if they didn't play what she wanted she didn't consider them to be a friend but it did give her a start. I know how you feel.

    I can't believe the witch just stood there either.

    That is what I am hoping to avoid. difficult child craves to be in a group. I'm hopefully going to steer her into a good group. I know how hard it is to keep up with kids when you work full time.

    I think her school has about 650 students this year. My difficult child has never had panic attacks. I have seen easy child's even have them just because it is such a huge change.
    Her teachers know she has an IEP. She is back in the self contained class most of the day. I do need to have a talk with the band taecher. Not sure if they are aware or not
    The video camera is a great idea. I've talked to her in the past. She shrugs and says they are kids. :mad:

    What an awful story. I'm so sad that your kids had to go through that.:sad-very:
    difficult child's functional academics teacher this year seems pretty good. We will see how it goes.
    I might check into a restraining order soon. I wish I could throw rocks at both of them.

    Thanks for the finger crossing and hugs

    I took her to school early this morning so I could make sure she remembered where her class is. She wouldn't walk next to me an kept telling me I was embarrassing her.:2dissapointed:She's always been a momma's baby. It was like she walked through the doors and now I'm not needed. Tried to go over her scheule and where to go. She just wanted me to leave.:sad-very: I guess it is good that she is becoming more independant but it still makes me sad. My baby is almost grown up.

  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You have given her Roots and Wings! Let us know how it goes!
  11. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Steph, that is really exciting. Sounds like her behavior is beginning to be typical teen -- after all, 11 is almost a teenager (well, still a little way to go).

    I too, like Susie, remember her when we met at Fran's home. It's difficult to think of her being 11 and needing a bra, she was such a little thing then.

    I specially logged on in order to respond to your posting. I have been "logged off" for a while and just couldn't be bothered to go and look up my password which I don't ever remember. Anyway Steph, I just felt I had to reply to you.

    You are doing a grand job, and you have come such a long way with her.

    I wish S the very very best of luck and success in school.

    Love, Esther
  12. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Thanks, Esther. I'm happy to see you online. Doesn't seem like it was all that long ago but I guess it has been. She's still just as skinny she just keeps shooting upward.:D
    Thanks for the well wishes.

  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hi Steph,
    I'm not that far away. You all can meet at my house again. :abouttime:It's been too long. Just give me a date. Esther, planes fly to North Carolina. :bigsmile: I'm in need of a serious girl's weekend.

    I'm amazed that S is so grown up. It won't be long before your little baby is moving on into the big wide world. I'm glad the tutor worked out. Sounds like a good match.

    Good luck tomorrow.
  14. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    We do need another girls weekend. We are supposed to go to Ft Lauderdale this weekend. difficult child wanted to go to a beach this summer and was upset that we went to the Carribean with-o her. We will have to see though since another hurricane is out there.:whiteflag: Want to meet us in FL if we still get to go?

  15. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Steph sounds to be doing so well. It's been a hard road for you; I'm glad to hear of her progress.

    I'm feeling old. 6th grade? Geez!

    Guess I shouldn't be surprised; difficult child attended his 1st day in high school today..... Yea, feeling really old. lol
  16. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow! I can't believe she is starting middel school already!!!!!!!!!

    You know, last year was my difficult child's first year of middle school. He did want me to walk into the building with him, but that was as far as I was going to go. I remember the look on his face as he turned to go into the gym with all the other sixth graders. Part "I'm a big guy" and part "I scared out of my pants"!!!!!!!

    I hope the day goes well. I think you did the right thing insisting on band. Let her try, the worse that can happen is that you take her out later if it doesn't work. She may find music good therapy!

    Thanks for the update. Don't stay a stranger.