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My best friends son beat up difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 63644" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>She must have known. You heard the noise, her husband heard the noise and saw at least some of it. She must have known. Only asleep ten minutes at most? More likely, lying awake and in dread, because her difficult child had done something AGAIN (remember what we are like, with our difficult children).</p><p></p><p>Yes, she knew. And I strongly suspect, was deeply embarrassed by what had happened. She may have been lying there waiting for the knock on the door, and a bit relived when it didn't come, as well as angry that you didn't want to involve her at that point.</p><p></p><p>None of this is necessarily reasonable, but it IS how we tend to react. And when you have a difficult child, you already know and dread the problems. Sounds like her difficult child was at cracking point and things just tipped over. Both boys have some ownership, although your difficult child did not start it. But by throwing the blanket back, it triggered friend's difficult child to react with all the frustration of the previous few days.</p><p></p><p>So sad.</p><p></p><p>And I suspect friend's reaction is mostly guilt, trying to attack to cover up how bad she feels about what happened. Some people are like that. You see it in small car accidents - the person often in the wrong is shouting at the other driver, in adrenalin shock a lot of the time, "I wouldn't have run up the back of your car if you hadn't stopped so suddenly! Why didn't you run that red light! I thought you were going to..."</p><p></p><p>In calmer times, they would be horrified at their own actions.</p><p></p><p>I think you have several choices here, and you know your friend best, so you will have to choose what you feel has the best chance.</p><p></p><p>1) Wait until things are a little calmer, a week or more perhaps. Then write her a note thanking her for her hospitality, and apologising for leaving without waking her. Thanks to her you did get to spend time with your father and you are grateful for that. Boys will be boys, but under the circumstances it was best that they be separated, to avoid any more conflict and upset. It's not good for either of the difficult children, for this sort of thing to happen. Best to keep them apart from that point. You could also add, "I hope we can continue to be good friends - I have valued your friendship in the past and would like to continue to do so in the future."</p><p>At no stage lay blame anywhere. it's just something that happened.</p><p></p><p>2) Do nothing. Hope it all blows over. Send her Christmas cards etc as usual, hope she can forget it and move on.</p><p></p><p>Further down the list are options I don't think are such good ideas - talk to her mother, feel out the lie of the land. Not a good idea, because her mother wouldn't have a clear picture either and is going to be more loyal to her daughter than to you. She will tell her daughter you rang, and this could put more bad feeling into it.</p><p>Also not good idea - telephone again, or write an angry letter explaining her son started it. NOT a good idea. A lifelong friendship should be much bigger than a childhood spat borne out of jealousy. Boys will be boys, and difficult children even more so.</p><p></p><p>I hope things aren't lost forever.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 63644, member: 1991"] She must have known. You heard the noise, her husband heard the noise and saw at least some of it. She must have known. Only asleep ten minutes at most? More likely, lying awake and in dread, because her difficult child had done something AGAIN (remember what we are like, with our difficult children). Yes, she knew. And I strongly suspect, was deeply embarrassed by what had happened. She may have been lying there waiting for the knock on the door, and a bit relived when it didn't come, as well as angry that you didn't want to involve her at that point. None of this is necessarily reasonable, but it IS how we tend to react. And when you have a difficult child, you already know and dread the problems. Sounds like her difficult child was at cracking point and things just tipped over. Both boys have some ownership, although your difficult child did not start it. But by throwing the blanket back, it triggered friend's difficult child to react with all the frustration of the previous few days. So sad. And I suspect friend's reaction is mostly guilt, trying to attack to cover up how bad she feels about what happened. Some people are like that. You see it in small car accidents - the person often in the wrong is shouting at the other driver, in adrenalin shock a lot of the time, "I wouldn't have run up the back of your car if you hadn't stopped so suddenly! Why didn't you run that red light! I thought you were going to..." In calmer times, they would be horrified at their own actions. I think you have several choices here, and you know your friend best, so you will have to choose what you feel has the best chance. 1) Wait until things are a little calmer, a week or more perhaps. Then write her a note thanking her for her hospitality, and apologising for leaving without waking her. Thanks to her you did get to spend time with your father and you are grateful for that. Boys will be boys, but under the circumstances it was best that they be separated, to avoid any more conflict and upset. It's not good for either of the difficult children, for this sort of thing to happen. Best to keep them apart from that point. You could also add, "I hope we can continue to be good friends - I have valued your friendship in the past and would like to continue to do so in the future." At no stage lay blame anywhere. it's just something that happened. 2) Do nothing. Hope it all blows over. Send her Christmas cards etc as usual, hope she can forget it and move on. Further down the list are options I don't think are such good ideas - talk to her mother, feel out the lie of the land. Not a good idea, because her mother wouldn't have a clear picture either and is going to be more loyal to her daughter than to you. She will tell her daughter you rang, and this could put more bad feeling into it. Also not good idea - telephone again, or write an angry letter explaining her son started it. NOT a good idea. A lifelong friendship should be much bigger than a childhood spat borne out of jealousy. Boys will be boys, and difficult children even more so. I hope things aren't lost forever. Marg [/QUOTE]
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