My brother steals from my disabled dad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rachel411, Jan 7, 2014.

  1. rachel411

    rachel411 New Member


    I am desperate for some help on the following issue:

    My brother steals money and items from the whole family. He started by stealing small amounts of money from my parents and granddad and now its got out of control. He's stolen from anyone who comes round the house and recently tried stealing £3000! We try to confront him about his stealing, and have even caught him with the items however he still denies it and gets very defensive and angry. We have tried talking normally, shouting, crying but nothing works. The money he takes is going on fags, fast food and petrol (to race about with the roads with his mates going ridiculously over the speed limit with no seat belt on).

    Me, my brother, our parents and our grandparents were all very close, however in the past 5 years my grandmother had died, my dad had become disabled (he's paralyzed from the waist down and is wheelchair bound) and recently my mother had passed away. Before my grandmother passed away i cant remember my brother stealing, however can this really be the cause of his terrible behavior even 5 years later?

    Recently he had a girlfriend who also liked to steal things, they put an unbearable amount of pressure on my mother who was my dads full time carer. They stressed her with situations such as pregnancy scares, stealing money, rude and offensive behavior and more! My mother died from being miss-treated in a mental hospital however i believe if she had not of had to go into the hospital in the first place due to stress she may still be with us today!

    I contacted the police when my brother tried to steal the £3000 but as it wasn't my money and my granddad eventually got it back there was nothing i could do! I also tried talking to my dad about a lock on my door as i work away for many months at a time and do not want my stuff going missing however my dad refuses to let me do this!

    My dad has just given up, he is wheelchair bound so cannot always access the upstairs in our house easily and quickly. If my brother is upstairs in the house by the time my dad can get up there my brother has gone downstairs! Its an endless battle. My dad is trying to deal with his wife of 25 years passing away and is battling the everyday tasks which he now has to face alone!

    On Christmas day the whole family visited my mothers grave, i started to cry and my brother came over and gave me a hug. This is the first and only time in many months i have seen any caring behavior from him..

    Can anyone give any advice?
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Rachel. I am so sorry you are going through this.
    I suspect that the moderators will move this to the Watercooler, since it sounds like your brother is over 18 and he is not in your care.
    Are you in the UK or Australia? In the U.S. we have elder abuse laws. Are there any similar laws in your country? You may be able to call social services, either by giving your name or anonymously, and tell that that your brother is taking your dad's government check, and that should get a gov't official's attention.
    He certainly sounds out of control.
    How old are you? Your brother? Your father?
    Others here who know more about your laws may be able to help you.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Sweetie. What a loving daughter you are.I don't believe your brother should be allowed to step foot in your house if he is stealing and doing other dangerous/bad things, can not control him right now. It is up to your Dad to lay down the law and you can't control how they deal with him either. (Not YET, that is).

    It is probably best, but not easy for a caring person, to just go on and live a good life yourself. You can only control one person...YOU. Now I am totally unfamiliar with family and elder and guardianship law in the UK, but, if you can, maybe you need to get legal guardianship over Dad, if this is possible, to set the rules for Bro and to take your Dad's assets and store them from him. I believe you can then ban your brother from your father's home and that can't be a bad thing. He sounds mean and uncaring, if not worse. He has no moral right to harm your father's mental health as he contributed to your mother's. I would do everything legally possible to stop him, but I have no idea what your options are, if any.

    Hugs to you. I"m so sorry you have to go through this.
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2014