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my child refuses to listen to me
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 681869" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>Roxona,</p><p>I cannot envision Jack living independently. He needs me at school with him because he lacks the focus to do simple tasks like put his papers into his binder, login on the computer, and carry his belongings between classes. Actually, he carries everything, but I have to remind him to take them and tell him where he needs to be. Everyone at school understands that it is a Herculean effort for Jack to participate in classes. His father is the one who insisted that he be moved to the fast paced class. </p><p></p><p>Last year, Dad moved Jack to our school in May. MAY. Dad was unhappy with the other school in his district because he wanted Jack to take the standards of learning test at the end of the year. None of this made any sense at all. Jack was in seventh grade, doing his best, and Dad just jerks him out of one school and plunks him into another. In May. Needless to say, Jack was very disturbed and angry with the change. We saw a lot of what I now call "predator faces." Essentially, he gets upset and makes the worst face you can possibly imagine a human making. He whacked himself in the head a lot. He licked door frames. He became frightened a lot.</p><p></p><p>I was happy for him at the beginning of the year when I discovered that he was in class with the kids who are intellectually disabled. He was happy. He loved the teacher, the class moves at a snail's pace, so Jack always knew the answers. He was successful and at ease. </p><p></p><p>One of my tasks is to write down what Jack is doing in each class every day. I know we stayed on the "continents and oceans" for a long period of time. That's what we were doing in social studies class. Jack learned those quickly. I suspect that Dad took a look at what Jack was learning and thought, "he's capable of more than this." He is. BUT, the other class moves at a pace that is far too rapid for Jack. We were working on the three branches of government. I wrote them down in different colors. We did numerous worksheets where the kids were exposed to the material in different ways. The other child was able to grasp the material and memorize it. (I personally think learning about how the government uses checks and balances is fairly complex and abstract.) Jack could never seem to remember that the Supreme Court is part of the Judicial Branch. Let alone remember how the Judicial Branch checks the other two branches. </p><p></p><p>What Jack really needs is a tutor to work with him at his speed. I predicted he would quickly fall behind after he was switched to the harder class. He has. It is simply too much work for him thrown at him way too quickly. He needs a medium class at a medium speed. That class doesn't exist. </p><p></p><p>I suspect that Dad can get more work out of Jack by getting angry with him. I've watched Jack push the limits of his behavior at school until someone gets angry at him. This happens multiple times during the day. I've noticed that some children become habituated to having an adult mad at them. Instead of behaving so that the adults are not angry, they purposefully try to make the adults angry. Anger is an intense emotion. I think sometimes kids learn to feel most loved when someone is yelling at them. Jack is one of those kids. After hearing what Dad does to the teachers and nurse, I can understand why. </p><p></p><p>I won't do it. Jack doesn't make me angry, and that doesn't feel right to him. He adores my coworker who is often fussing at the kids. I'm thinking if she is working with him more that he may be more cooperative.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 681869, member: 11832"] Roxona, I cannot envision Jack living independently. He needs me at school with him because he lacks the focus to do simple tasks like put his papers into his binder, login on the computer, and carry his belongings between classes. Actually, he carries everything, but I have to remind him to take them and tell him where he needs to be. Everyone at school understands that it is a Herculean effort for Jack to participate in classes. His father is the one who insisted that he be moved to the fast paced class. Last year, Dad moved Jack to our school in May. MAY. Dad was unhappy with the other school in his district because he wanted Jack to take the standards of learning test at the end of the year. None of this made any sense at all. Jack was in seventh grade, doing his best, and Dad just jerks him out of one school and plunks him into another. In May. Needless to say, Jack was very disturbed and angry with the change. We saw a lot of what I now call "predator faces." Essentially, he gets upset and makes the worst face you can possibly imagine a human making. He whacked himself in the head a lot. He licked door frames. He became frightened a lot. I was happy for him at the beginning of the year when I discovered that he was in class with the kids who are intellectually disabled. He was happy. He loved the teacher, the class moves at a snail's pace, so Jack always knew the answers. He was successful and at ease. One of my tasks is to write down what Jack is doing in each class every day. I know we stayed on the "continents and oceans" for a long period of time. That's what we were doing in social studies class. Jack learned those quickly. I suspect that Dad took a look at what Jack was learning and thought, "he's capable of more than this." He is. BUT, the other class moves at a pace that is far too rapid for Jack. We were working on the three branches of government. I wrote them down in different colors. We did numerous worksheets where the kids were exposed to the material in different ways. The other child was able to grasp the material and memorize it. (I personally think learning about how the government uses checks and balances is fairly complex and abstract.) Jack could never seem to remember that the Supreme Court is part of the Judicial Branch. Let alone remember how the Judicial Branch checks the other two branches. What Jack really needs is a tutor to work with him at his speed. I predicted he would quickly fall behind after he was switched to the harder class. He has. It is simply too much work for him thrown at him way too quickly. He needs a medium class at a medium speed. That class doesn't exist. I suspect that Dad can get more work out of Jack by getting angry with him. I've watched Jack push the limits of his behavior at school until someone gets angry at him. This happens multiple times during the day. I've noticed that some children become habituated to having an adult mad at them. Instead of behaving so that the adults are not angry, they purposefully try to make the adults angry. Anger is an intense emotion. I think sometimes kids learn to feel most loved when someone is yelling at them. Jack is one of those kids. After hearing what Dad does to the teachers and nurse, I can understand why. I won't do it. Jack doesn't make me angry, and that doesn't feel right to him. He adores my coworker who is often fussing at the kids. I'm thinking if she is working with him more that he may be more cooperative. [/QUOTE]
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