My crazy liife

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jun 14, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all...... well I am woefully behind on posts... hope to catch up sometime soon. I can't believe it but I am doing this again!!!! The program my son is in now was clearly a mistake.... he is the youngest by far and with men with seriously different and worse sexual issues than he has. I get this by talking to the therapist as well as difficult child. They were going to try and come up with a treatment program for him but I really felt like he was in the wrong place. In the meantime I found what looks like a great program for him in CA... one that treats borderline personality disorder or traits, in men as well as women... and it is a residential program.

    I really feel that through all this craziness there has been a shift between my son and I. Whenever I have asked him before if he wanted me to come out as he went into a new program he said he didnt care. This time I asked and he said yes he wanted me to come he wanted to see me!!! It was sincere... it is just different. Not to say he is not a difficult child and won't be an ass.... but it feels like he has made some kind of a shift.... time of course will tell.

    Anyway he did the intake with them yesterday (and I talked to them and was very honest) and we are both flying out today and meeting tonight and then I will take him there tomorrow.

    This may be the last time I am willing to do this.... but I feel good about he decision to do it. It feels right to me. He really really seems to want help with his mental health issues. The program also has a substance abuse component so that is not being forgotten.

    So more as it happens.

  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    You sure are having bad luck in trying to find a program. It really stinks, when they would finally be ready to do a work and get help and then you have so much trouble trying to find a place.

    And to be honest, sometimes it feels that all these treatment facilities are run by difficult children. They all have those glossy brochures and webpages telling all good and beautiful and nowhere do they really tell the things that are very important, when it comes to fit. We, at one point, were in the situation, there out of home placement for our difficult child was discussed (due to his extensive truancy) and we were checking different options. And it really was crazy. None of them really told, which kind of places they were. Our kid's placement would had been paid through CPS (different system here, public medical etc. care) and even though those facilities were trying to sell their services to pros (we would had have a say, but CPS would had had a final choice for the place), they were so darn vague you would never know to whom they are a fit.

    I really hope this next one will be more suitable and your son seizes the opportunity.
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad your son told you he wanted to see you, that's certainly encouraging news. Hope you have a great visit with him, and also hope this place is finally the RIGHT place for him to get the help he seeks!
    You should write a book someday...I hope you're keeping a journal! HUGS to you.
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with SuZir, how do we know which programs are good and which ones just have the glossy brochures. I hope this new one is more appropriate for him. We haven't been through what you have but I was upset with the first treatment place we used. They took our money and should have known all along that difficult child needed something more than they had to offer. We were naive and just wanted help and believed they knew what they were doing. I'm so glad he wanted to see you, I think that is significant.

  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed that this is the one. Hugs. DDD
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Borderline (BPD) is very difficult to treat and takes a very specialized program with intensive treatment. It sounds like the one in California would be a good fit. I like that it is a residential program. I wish I could afford to send my difficult child to a place like that.

    I'll keep my fingers crossed that this is the one!!

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope this is the one too. Im glad you are getting to go to see it too. I dont think it was a good idea to do the others sight unseen. Too much of a shot in the dark but really it was the only thing you could do at the time. Water under the bridge. Make sure and ask them what their ideas are for after care for him. I really think it might be best for him to stay in that area after getting out of rehab to break the connections. Or at least that is what I always hear on the shows.
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    You amaze me. ;-)
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    TL, so glad you made this decision. Yes, it may or may not be the right place. It's all a **** shoot. I just want you to know that many with kids who have Borderline (BPD) traits have a hard time getting any program to work. Sometimes they make matters worse. Traditional level systems and punishing programs are very innaffective with these fragile kids. We did the best we could here with an intensive DBT program. They taught the skills well and the pros were ok-it was the "20 somethings" who were like paraprofessionals, that destroyed the progress because they were so unskilled. They created lack of trust, emotional turmoil and in-fighting because they were so unskilled and immature. I hated dealing with their ignorance and called them on it at every turn-even had to point out how what they did was undoing the therapy and progress and directly against program philosophy. Unfortuately, many programs have so many of these on staff because it is the only way they can afford to run a program. Help difficult child see that he needs to rely on his therapist and the professional staff. Empower him to go with concerns to these people. When we started working with difficult child on these- things got a little better. My guess is his acting out often happens with these less skilled workers???

    Ask them about the training of all the staff and voice your concerns about his acting out and lack of progress. I am hoping that this helps-you are an amazing mom and have never stopped helping this kid. (((Hugs))