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My dad has lung cancer
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677827" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, all. Just got back from Jumper's college. Thanks for all the feedback.</p><p></p><p>I don't know where my father is. He hasn't contacted me, he's not home, and he is choosing to not allow me to know what is going on with him so until I hear from my sister, if I do (if she's not swamped with him), then I can't suggest anything. He is not making that possible since I am left out of the loop. There is nothing I can do to help him or give ideas to my siblings.</p><p></p><p>This is so very much how it has always been for me. Odd man out of my FOO. I can not be angry at my sister or bro for this. Sis has been nice. Bro has nothing to do with it. It's all my father's choice. I am baffled as to why. Sis says he thinks I'll freak out if I hear the "C" word. Um, well, maybe when I was in my early 20s or even 30s. I was a hypochondriac then. But that hasn't been for many years and I went through ten years of cancer with my BFF untnil she died. I never freaked out or stopped going to see her a nd, if I do say so myself, I feel I was very good with her. Talked about normal stuff and let her talk about her illness when she liked, and listened.</p><p></p><p>I just recovered from a car accident, goodness sakes, that I should have died from, and I don't have post traumatic over the accident and I am healing really well. Yes, I am tough. But somehow both of my parents see me as that overly sensitive, nervous little girl who was so needy. I am not a woman who is like that at all and it bugs me, however there is not one t hing I can do to change my father's mind. And I can't be of help to anyone if I don't even know where my father is. Last I heard he was being sent home (a startling and scary thought) and being driven by a medical van (something I sure would horrify him).</p><p></p><p>We can only do what others allow us to do. I got a clear message that I am not a part of my father's last days. Sure, I will try to get to Illinois and see him again. I fear (very much) that his time is very limited. Aside from that, I can't do anything.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps now all of you can see how I am perceived by FOO. It's incorrect too. I am a great advocate at getting things done both for myself and others, but I guess my dad doesn't know that about me.</p><p></p><p>He is not one to be open to discussion and anyway I don't know how to reach him. I called his apartment, but it went to voicemail.</p><p></p><p>(Sigh) I do appreciate th at my family of choice know that I am strong. I am their "go to" person for any/all problems.</p><p></p><p>Oh, well. This is just another in a long list of ways I have been shunned, this time by my father. I don't believe he means to shun me in a mean way. I believe he may even think he is protecting me....but it feels like a regular ole shun anyway. And maybe he IS doing it like my mother did, because he doesn't love me enough and doesn't want me around. I don't know. He won't tell me. He was supposed to call me today, but he didn't. He has already called my sister and brother umpteen times...</p><p></p><p>I will make plans to go to Illinois depending on what I hear about my father's health, when I hear it. I am dependent on others to let me know about it.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, life goes on. I am looking forward to two great football games tomorrow if I don't hear anything about how it is urgent that I go to Illinois. I am afraid that this will only happen after I hear he has passed and then I will go to his funeral and...then my FOO ties will really be pretty much non-existent.</p><p></p><p>Tears are a waste of time. This is just more of what I always experience with FOO. I am the last and least important. Of course, now I feel guilty feeling any pity for myself when my poor father is dying of lung cancer. Nobody who has lived to 91 should die of cancer...they should die peacefully in their sleep...My mother died of brain cancer. We were estranged and it did not hurt like this, but I felt the same way about her...that nobody should die that way. It just seems cruel and wrong. Why would God do this? I guess I'll find out later.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for being here. I can't express these feelings to anyone else. Nobody else would understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677827, member: 1550"] Hi, all. Just got back from Jumper's college. Thanks for all the feedback. I don't know where my father is. He hasn't contacted me, he's not home, and he is choosing to not allow me to know what is going on with him so until I hear from my sister, if I do (if she's not swamped with him), then I can't suggest anything. He is not making that possible since I am left out of the loop. There is nothing I can do to help him or give ideas to my siblings. This is so very much how it has always been for me. Odd man out of my FOO. I can not be angry at my sister or bro for this. Sis has been nice. Bro has nothing to do with it. It's all my father's choice. I am baffled as to why. Sis says he thinks I'll freak out if I hear the "C" word. Um, well, maybe when I was in my early 20s or even 30s. I was a hypochondriac then. But that hasn't been for many years and I went through ten years of cancer with my BFF untnil she died. I never freaked out or stopped going to see her a nd, if I do say so myself, I feel I was very good with her. Talked about normal stuff and let her talk about her illness when she liked, and listened. I just recovered from a car accident, goodness sakes, that I should have died from, and I don't have post traumatic over the accident and I am healing really well. Yes, I am tough. But somehow both of my parents see me as that overly sensitive, nervous little girl who was so needy. I am not a woman who is like that at all and it bugs me, however there is not one t hing I can do to change my father's mind. And I can't be of help to anyone if I don't even know where my father is. Last I heard he was being sent home (a startling and scary thought) and being driven by a medical van (something I sure would horrify him). We can only do what others allow us to do. I got a clear message that I am not a part of my father's last days. Sure, I will try to get to Illinois and see him again. I fear (very much) that his time is very limited. Aside from that, I can't do anything. Perhaps now all of you can see how I am perceived by FOO. It's incorrect too. I am a great advocate at getting things done both for myself and others, but I guess my dad doesn't know that about me. He is not one to be open to discussion and anyway I don't know how to reach him. I called his apartment, but it went to voicemail. (Sigh) I do appreciate th at my family of choice know that I am strong. I am their "go to" person for any/all problems. Oh, well. This is just another in a long list of ways I have been shunned, this time by my father. I don't believe he means to shun me in a mean way. I believe he may even think he is protecting me....but it feels like a regular ole shun anyway. And maybe he IS doing it like my mother did, because he doesn't love me enough and doesn't want me around. I don't know. He won't tell me. He was supposed to call me today, but he didn't. He has already called my sister and brother umpteen times... I will make plans to go to Illinois depending on what I hear about my father's health, when I hear it. I am dependent on others to let me know about it. In the meantime, life goes on. I am looking forward to two great football games tomorrow if I don't hear anything about how it is urgent that I go to Illinois. I am afraid that this will only happen after I hear he has passed and then I will go to his funeral and...then my FOO ties will really be pretty much non-existent. Tears are a waste of time. This is just more of what I always experience with FOO. I am the last and least important. Of course, now I feel guilty feeling any pity for myself when my poor father is dying of lung cancer. Nobody who has lived to 91 should die of cancer...they should die peacefully in their sleep...My mother died of brain cancer. We were estranged and it did not hurt like this, but I felt the same way about her...that nobody should die that way. It just seems cruel and wrong. Why would God do this? I guess I'll find out later. Thanks for being here. I can't express these feelings to anyone else. Nobody else would understand. [/QUOTE]
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