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Family of Origin
My dad wants to meet to talk. Eek!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 681591" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cb. I have learned a lot through the years in dealing with difficult relatives and all I can do is pass along what life taught me. You may not agree with my conclusions, but I will share, hoping it will help.</p><p>First of all, you cant control your father or his opinions even though both you and I know for a fact that you (and I) benefit from psychiatric medication. If he wants to blow off his personal and wrong opinion regarding your medications, the only way to stop from hearing him is not to go, which is an option.</p><p>If you do go and he starts telling you how to handle your bipolar and the rest of your life, you can listen without arguing or interupting, nodding from time to time and at the end saying "thanks for your thoughts. I have to get home now. Nice seeing you.'</p><p>Nobody can stop any parent from doing the mean spirited disown bit. Dont try. If he does it, it says more about him then it says about you. He sounds controlling and you are a grown up now. You do not have to make this a breeze for him. You can bring your kids, your fiance, anyone you like to help you feel less vulnerable. He is not in charge of your life or rules.</p><p>If it were me I would not go alone. If my mean--to-me mom asked susoiciously for time alone with me, I would have brought my fiance with, even if he stayed in thecar, so he could watch for signs of trouble, get out and come to help.</p><p>You are not deficient if your father doesnt approve of what you do.</p><p>I hope you take care of yourself, keep your chin up and, if its too stressful, dont go. Your life is up to one person...you. our parents dont own us in any way unless we allow it after we turn eighteen.</p><p>Good parents of adult children respect our decisions. Bad ones think they can boss us around no matter how mature we are. It is wrong for him to interfer in your life. If you want to hear him out then do it, but dont be upset if he is critical. You know what he's like. No surprises likely. Again you dont have to go alone so he can corner you, even if he wants you to. You are in control of you, not him.</p><p></p><p>Dont let him try to manipulate you because of a card and a gift. Thats not supposed to be the point of gifts. My dad does this too and it took me a long time to tell him he cant yell at me because he sometimes gives me monetary gifts. I told him to keep his money if conditions are attached. I meant it.</p><p>Lots of hugs and stand tall. Im sure youll get other suggestions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 681591, member: 1550"] Cb. I have learned a lot through the years in dealing with difficult relatives and all I can do is pass along what life taught me. You may not agree with my conclusions, but I will share, hoping it will help. First of all, you cant control your father or his opinions even though both you and I know for a fact that you (and I) benefit from psychiatric medication. If he wants to blow off his personal and wrong opinion regarding your medications, the only way to stop from hearing him is not to go, which is an option. If you do go and he starts telling you how to handle your bipolar and the rest of your life, you can listen without arguing or interupting, nodding from time to time and at the end saying "thanks for your thoughts. I have to get home now. Nice seeing you.' Nobody can stop any parent from doing the mean spirited disown bit. Dont try. If he does it, it says more about him then it says about you. He sounds controlling and you are a grown up now. You do not have to make this a breeze for him. You can bring your kids, your fiance, anyone you like to help you feel less vulnerable. He is not in charge of your life or rules. If it were me I would not go alone. If my mean--to-me mom asked susoiciously for time alone with me, I would have brought my fiance with, even if he stayed in thecar, so he could watch for signs of trouble, get out and come to help. You are not deficient if your father doesnt approve of what you do. I hope you take care of yourself, keep your chin up and, if its too stressful, dont go. Your life is up to one person...you. our parents dont own us in any way unless we allow it after we turn eighteen. Good parents of adult children respect our decisions. Bad ones think they can boss us around no matter how mature we are. It is wrong for him to interfer in your life. If you want to hear him out then do it, but dont be upset if he is critical. You know what he's like. No surprises likely. Again you dont have to go alone so he can corner you, even if he wants you to. You are in control of you, not him. Dont let him try to manipulate you because of a card and a gift. Thats not supposed to be the point of gifts. My dad does this too and it took me a long time to tell him he cant yell at me because he sometimes gives me monetary gifts. I told him to keep his money if conditions are attached. I meant it. Lots of hugs and stand tall. Im sure youll get other suggestions. [/QUOTE]
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My dad wants to meet to talk. Eek!
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