My daily struggle

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by familyof5, Apr 12, 2010.

  1. familyof5

    familyof5 Guest

    Hello everybody,
    I'm new here and I hate to say this but I'm angry! My son is 16 and is finding every excuse in the book why he can't go to school lately. I'm fairly sure he's going to stay back from school this year due to his absences. We got a letter from the school saying if he misses any more school we will have to have a meeting. He doesn't seem to care what he's putting us through. A lady from church told me I need to love him unconditionally. I try to seperate school life from home life. We've tried to lay down counsequences but he sneaks around them. I'm not sure if we're dealing with oppositional defiant disorder or what exactly is going on. Thankyou for letting me vent. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells in the mornings lately.
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi family & welcome.

    Does your difficult child (gift from god, the child who brought us here) have any diagnosis's, i.e. anxiety, ADHD, bipolar? Is he on any medications? Any bullying issues going on at school?

    I'm here to tell you that church lady is wrong (likely well meaning) ~ it takes a great deal more than love. If love was the big "cure" there would be no need for this board.

    by the way, we're experts on egg shell walking - you need any tips feel free to come here;)
  3. familyof5

    familyof5 Guest

    He has a.d.h.d. but he's come so far with it. He's matured so much but at the same time not enough. He is the one refusing to do the work. In the past he had been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder and I'm seeing some of those signs again. No medicine. We had limited results with medicines and his last doctor turned him into a zombie.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Unconditional love is not turning your back on helping your child have a good life. I am sure you love him wholeheartedly and accept him as he is. On this board, we all love our kids unconditionally and accept them as they are but are fighting to make life better for them. Struggling to pull those great characteristics out that will make them accept themselves and be comfortable with who they are. We see the talents our kids have and are trying to guide them to use those talents. No different from any good parents of easy child's. Just because it is more of a struggle with difficult child's doesn't mean it is wrong to do.

    I am sorry the medications did not work for you. As kids grow, their bodies change and the effects of medications change also. If you do decide to try the medication route again, find a different doctor, one who will really listen to YOUR concerns. My difficult child's psychiatrist takes my worries about the side effects into consideration and works with me to find the right medication and how to use the medication that he and I both can feel comfortable with. psychiatrist listens immediately if I become uncomfortable with how a side effect of a medication is effecting difficult child.

    My difficult child is 11 yrs old and just started Ritalin about two months ago. It has changed his attitude about homework around. He now comes home and does the work on his own without being asked. It works for him but I know each kid is different and it may not be what your child needs.

    Is there a Summer program available to catch up on some of the classes?
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First off welcome! I can totally understand your anger. My easy child/difficult child sounds a lot like your difficult child. While she doesn't have the problem of not going to school, she does have the problem of not doing her work. Wish I had some great advice for you but like I said we are struggling with the same thing-so frustrating when you know how capable they are. Is there an alternative high school in your district? It's something we are considering for our easy child/difficult child.

    Glad you found us-you will find much support here.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I bet that lady at church doesn't have any kids. :)

    I'd find another dr. This is too much for you to do on your own. These kids are not into "parenting" as we know it. It takes professionals. Don't feel badly about it, just focus and get to work.

    What, exactly, doesn't your son like about school? Can you tie school into some immediate reward system? Most of our kids don't understand the long-term consequences, such as having to do manual labor when your 70 and arthritic just to pay the bills. Dropping out of school is an absolute no-go in anyone's life these days.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I believe in unconditional love, but it's also our job, as a parent, to guide our kids the best we can. Having said that, it's hard to make a sixteen year old do anything he doesn't want to do, but I'd cut out giving him money or paying for car insurance or his cell phone...if he doesn't want to go to school, well, let him get a job and pay for his luxuries. All you owe him until eighteen is food and shelter and that's all I'd give him if he is on the verge of dropping out of school. Do you know if he is abusing drugs?
  8. familyof5

    familyof5 Guest

    My son is learning disabled to a point. It takes him longer to process things and write than other kids. I just see it as laziness. No, my son is not abusing drugs. I tried taking something away from my son and he only snuck it back. He did not go to school again today. He couldn't find his hoodie. I told him to wear his winter coat and no that would make him too sweaty. He missed the bus. I have no vehicle during the day or I'd be driving him to school.