My daughter called

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Dec 26, 2008.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello my friends. I hope all of you had a nice holiday. Mine was pretty good.

    Christmas Eve was a bit difficult but I got through it. I stayed home with my husband, we cleaned out my son's playroom. My sister took my son to my aunt's house. My nephew and son were so excited for Christmas morning they didn't fall asleep until around 2 am!! That's when me and my sister put our elf costumes on and went to work. We didn't finish bringing all of the presents from my mom's house to ours until around 4 am. My nephew woke up around 4:45 to open his gifts!!! So I watched him open all of his and then waited until my son woke up, around 8 and we opened all of his presents. He was so excited, we had a really good morning.

    Midway through the day as I was putting together something for my son my sister comes running up the stairs with my daughter on the phone. She wouldn't get on the phone with me. She hung up on my sister before my sister had a chance to give me the phone. I instantly began to cry and left the room. However, that only lasted a minute before I got really angry that she is doing this to our family. I felt horrible for literally leaving my son in the middle of what we were doing to go fall apart. So I decided that I wasn't going to ruin my son's day and went back to what we were doing. My son asked me why I was crying, I told him that I missed "B". My poor mother was devastated, crying and crying, which only made me angrier at my daughter for hurting us like this. My sister said that she sounded good, she said she called to wish us a Merry Christmas. She said not to worry about her she is doing fine. My sister asked her how she is taking care of herself. She said she is babysitting to earn money. Okay I'll buy that one right after I run out and get my yacht!!!! She said she went shopping for herself and that she is good. My sister asked her where she was staying and who she is babysitting for, she, of course would not answer those questions. She said that she is not coming home because she doesn't want to go back to jail. She hung up on my sister when she realized I was going to get on the phone. I had a feeling she was going to call, she does love us. I am very proud of myself for keeping it together and I actually feel much better today than I have in quite some time. I guess acceptance is the key, the more I just accept the fact that my daughter is choosing to live this kind of life the easier it is to handle. I must accept that there is nothing I can do for her now. I asked my sister if she sounded manic or on something and she said no, she sounded really good. When she punched me in the face and took off, I knew that I wouldn't see her for a long time. I just had that motherly feeling. I told my sister that night that we either wouldn't see her ever again or for a long time. I guess mom's just know.

    I have come a long way. A year ago I would have been on the verge of suicide over this, literally. Today I am much stronger. I am living for myself as well as the other members of my family. It's not just about her anymore. It still hurts but its bearable. Like I said before, I believe it's just a natural progression, we can only take so much!!!

    Thank you all so much for all of the support you have given me. You really make this easier to get through, you make me stronger!!! I really mean that.

    I have to run out now to take my son to spend his Christmas money. You know it's burning a whole in his pocket!!! I will check in when I get back.

    God bless.

    Shawna :)
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm glad you're finding peace with this. I think as parents, we have to "hit bottom", too, so to speak. A place that, for each of us personally, is our final straw, that really makes us realize that there is only a limited amount we can do for our children, and that beyond that, they must do for themselves.

    I don't think it ever gets easier, but you do learn to live with it and accept it, and make your own life again. Congrats to you for finding that.

    Your daughter loves you in the only way she knows how. Hang onto that.
  3. lillians

    lillians lillians

    i cannot say much today except that i am drawing some strength from you and thanks
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    You held up along with the best. Good for you!

    If anything, at least you know she's relatively alive and well.

    Enjoy your time with your son.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That sounds like an immature way of reaching out to you without ever admitting it and still trying to punish you- because of course, none of this can be her responsibility.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds like you did a very good job of creating a great Christmas for your son and nephew!

    As for the phone thing, it is some kind of weird game, in my opinion. Sounds like you pulled it together and progressed on the road to take back the power to upset you that she is abusing.

    Gentle hugs, you are doing a great job with this impossible situation.
  7. Rotsne

    Rotsne Banned

    At least she didn't show.

    I don't know how hard they are looking for her and we saw the mother of two being arrested after more than 20 years on the run. Maybe she choose a legal way to earn her money - maybe not.

    But it is not your problem anymore. You have tried your best and at some point she has to stand on her own feet. It would of course give her a better chance doing that without the warrant but she could have surrendered, done her time and have done the same afterwards because with the economy right now and several states trying to bring down the cost of having 1 out of 100 citizens locked up. I really dont think that they would have very much for her.

    You have done all you could. Enjoy the rest of the holidays with your family.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you managed well! You focused on your son, and made sure he had fun. And you didn't let daughter upset you enough to spoil the rest of your day.

    Hope you and easy child had a wonderful shopping time!
  9. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    What a rotten person your daughter is right now. If this Christmas was typical, she had to know you'd be with your sister and that your sister would try to give you the phone. Talk about the ultimate manipulation!

    On the plus side, at least you know she is alive and sounds good. She cares enough to lie about how she is earning her money and, who knows, she may be getting a roof over her head by babysitting and earning pocket money by dealing.

    So, she did care enough to call. She did care enough to not admit what she was actually doing. Basically, you know she cares. That the good stuff out of this.

    The better stuff is that you pulled yourself together and gave your son a good Christmas. You were honest with him about why you were sad and then starting living your life rather than falling into the throes of a depression. Shawna, you are doing so well in all of this. Many of us could and should take lessons from you.
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I'm glad to hear you made it thru xmas ok, I kinda knew you would. As you said your level of strength now is almost immesurable :)

    I"m sorry that happened, yet at the same time you know she's alive, and that in itself can bring some level of solace of the next few days once it all registers.

    Im not thinking she's doing it on purpose to upset, she does love you guys she's just a mess right now. Which may be a good thing that she is, than maybe she can pull herself out of it in time.

    You did a great job. I"m glad to hear your son was so happy. I can't believe you guys didn't get finished till 4 a.m. and had no sleep. lol. you are a true xmas tropper. :)
  11. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Honestly sometimes knowing their okay but not having to see and deal with the life they choose is better for us. I could not have my son at home with me for a long time. From age 17-19 he made choices that he knew were against my beliefs. He stayed where he could, and it was easier on us as a family. It forced him to grow up some and learn to appreciate the family that he has and it gave me a chance to let go and Let God. I would see him sporadically, but for the most part he wasn't a part of my life. He is back home now and is much better. Although he still has his issues, he is slowly rebuilding his life. It is tough. The avenues available to him if he had done things the right way are now closed. The road he now travels will be harder than it had to be. But, he is willing to work to get where he wants to be now. Your daughter will have to grow up. She will have to face her charges eventually. Right now enjoy the peace and quiet in your home. Enjoy your son and your husband. She will survive this.
  12. compassion

    compassion Member

    Bran, I am glad your daughter called. It is a releif to hear their voice. She reminds me alot of my difficult child. It is all about her and she is taking no respisnsiblity for her actions. It sounds like she is still blaming you and she deos not want to go back to jail so she isrunning, that is what it sounds like in my opinion. My daughter has done this as recently as Christmas will not talk to me, it is a way of her expressing anger and maintaing an illusion of control. I try to detachand not take it personally.
    My daughter spins a lot too. She loves to shop too and will make stuff up about the wholesome activites and peple she is with. The relaity is her impulsive control, her BiPolar (BP), her addictins despite her best intentions, she could not exericse that self control and focus. The hardeat part is some moments she can but in generla cannot. In gernal, I see ehr maturity level anywhere between 6-10 in a woman's body that looks about 19. She ran a lot for 3 and a half months. She is still kind of running in that she stays on the move constantly but getting more stabilized and is attending AA. I do let myself cry. it is a greivng process. By being honest, I can still be present for my husband and my older son. It is painful, it will continue to hurt. For me, I am also accepting while trying to focus on me and place as much responsiblity and onus on her as possible.
  13. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    I am proud of you to not let this ruin your memories with your son ~ I am encouraged by your progress ~ Although I am new here - it sounds like you have really traveled the road of recovery for yourself.

    May you continue to grow strong and Let Go and Let God ~

    Happy New Year ~ Judy

  14. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well I am glad she wanted to *let you know she is doing fine*, that she can get along without you.
    Which is probably the message she is trying to send along with some pain.
    But the ease on you mind is so nice...
    I agree her not showing up is probably a blessing.
    You are truly doing such a great job. This has to be the most difficult test in the Warrior Mom's journey. Or at the top...
  15. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you all so much for the pats on the back. You all truly help me more than you will ever know. I am not used to being strong so the encouragement helps a lot!!!

    She was caught last night - please read my new thread and thanks again. :)