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my daughter is 18 and i feel like i left her,
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 726376" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Your daughter isn't lacking direction. She just isn't taking the direction that YOU want her to take. I would stop sending money to her, taper it off maybe if you are more comfortable that way, but make it a fairly steep taper. She is 18 and not in school. This means she has CHOSEN to support herself while living with her boyfriend. </p><p></p><p>MANY young adults make this choice. More than half my graduating class did not go to college, and I live in a town where the largest entity is a state university. The opportunity was there and in our faces every single day that we lived in this town. So we all knew that college was an option. Heck, not even all of the smartest kids went to college. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter may need time to grow up. She may need to see that the real world, without Mom's dollars supporting her, will not be so nice to her until she has some marketable skill or knowledge. The great thing? She can go to college at any age. There isn't a time limit. Some people actually do a whole lot better when they are a bit older. They are more responsible and more able to focus on studies rather than parties and the social scene.</p><p></p><p>Don't give up on your daughter. Give her the real world she is probably claiming to want. Let her earn her own way. That is, after all, the real world. If you are supporting her while she lives with her boyfriend, what is she doing all day? She isn't learning and she isn't working, so what is she doing? Take that ability to laze about away. It isn't healthy for her. I would tell her that after a time in 30 days, you will not send any more funds for her, that she will have to support herself. If she chooses to go to school, you will help with that. You will not support her while she is not in school or doing anything to improve her life.</p><p></p><p>This was what my parents told my brother and I. It worked fairly well. You have to recognize that your daughter is an adult now, and has to be treated like one. You cannot make her do anything. Trying to make her live with you will likely end up ruining your relationship. At least for a while. Moving back to the country she lives in will also destroy what you have made of your life. Why do that? You don't owe her anything that you have not given her. You truly do not.</p><p></p><p>You did the best you could with what you had. You left her with someone who loved her and cherished her. If you had taken her with you, where she knew no one, things could have been awful. You might have blamed yourself for that too. There is NO way to go back and rewrite what happened. All you can do is go forward. Moving back to where she lives to try to make her live with you is trying to put the genie back into the bottle. It just won't work and she sure will be angry for a long time if you try. </p><p></p><p>Let her make her choices with her life. You cannot really stop her. All you can do is support the ones you like to the extent you choose.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 726376, member: 1233"] Your daughter isn't lacking direction. She just isn't taking the direction that YOU want her to take. I would stop sending money to her, taper it off maybe if you are more comfortable that way, but make it a fairly steep taper. She is 18 and not in school. This means she has CHOSEN to support herself while living with her boyfriend. MANY young adults make this choice. More than half my graduating class did not go to college, and I live in a town where the largest entity is a state university. The opportunity was there and in our faces every single day that we lived in this town. So we all knew that college was an option. Heck, not even all of the smartest kids went to college. Your daughter may need time to grow up. She may need to see that the real world, without Mom's dollars supporting her, will not be so nice to her until she has some marketable skill or knowledge. The great thing? She can go to college at any age. There isn't a time limit. Some people actually do a whole lot better when they are a bit older. They are more responsible and more able to focus on studies rather than parties and the social scene. Don't give up on your daughter. Give her the real world she is probably claiming to want. Let her earn her own way. That is, after all, the real world. If you are supporting her while she lives with her boyfriend, what is she doing all day? She isn't learning and she isn't working, so what is she doing? Take that ability to laze about away. It isn't healthy for her. I would tell her that after a time in 30 days, you will not send any more funds for her, that she will have to support herself. If she chooses to go to school, you will help with that. You will not support her while she is not in school or doing anything to improve her life. This was what my parents told my brother and I. It worked fairly well. You have to recognize that your daughter is an adult now, and has to be treated like one. You cannot make her do anything. Trying to make her live with you will likely end up ruining your relationship. At least for a while. Moving back to the country she lives in will also destroy what you have made of your life. Why do that? You don't owe her anything that you have not given her. You truly do not. You did the best you could with what you had. You left her with someone who loved her and cherished her. If you had taken her with you, where she knew no one, things could have been awful. You might have blamed yourself for that too. There is NO way to go back and rewrite what happened. All you can do is go forward. Moving back to where she lives to try to make her live with you is trying to put the genie back into the bottle. It just won't work and she sure will be angry for a long time if you try. Let her make her choices with her life. You cannot really stop her. All you can do is support the ones you like to the extent you choose. [/QUOTE]
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my daughter is 18 and i feel like i left her,
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