My dear sweet Mom was a total PITA all weekend!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mom2oddson, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I don't know what happened to my Mom....but she was not herself this weekend. She's always been a very sweet loving person that never says a bad thing about anyone. She has never said anything bad about my In-laws or my EX no matter what they've done. There was only one person my Mom has ever said anything negative about ("I don't like THAT person!").... and that was a woman who made a very vulgar pass at my Dad at a Christmas party.

    So, imagine my surprise when easy child and K came to visit and my sweet Mom was anything but sweet. She was sweet to K's face but behind her back had nothing nice to say.

    K's never eaten crab before, she had a bite of easy child's at dinner and said "It's okay". My Mom came to the conclusion that if easy child marries K, he will never have crab again his whole life. She's sure that her family will make easy child's life miserable (she hasn't even met them).

    There is a couple from church where she was from MN and he was from here. She didn't like it here after living here for 10 years and wanted to move home. They moved home. He's an alcoholic....therefore, easy child will be forced to move there and he will become an alcoholic. And so on it went all weekend.

    My Mom has never been this negative. I don't know if she's having trouble with the idea that easy child is growing up and starting a life independent of us. I don't know if Grandma and Grumpus have worn her down so much that she can't find any happiness in life anywhere. Believe me, those two are aging Mom really fast. I don't know if it's all of Mom's guilt taking a toll on her. Mom flogs herself over every little thing. Grandma's Dementia is getting worse... and it's Mom's fault don't you know! After all, if she was more organized and had more time, she could spend time working with Grandma and then she wouldn't get worse.

    Anyways, K is a sweet girl. Very down to earth, not big on make-up or hair. She's content with who she is. And she makes easy child very, very happy. They laugh and play and tease each other all the time. They are best friends. And we will see what the future brings. I just hope Mom can pull it together. I'm starting to really worry about her.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I don't really have any input, but unfortunately she sounds like my mother in law!!!
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    She could have a bit of depression from her overwhelming responsibilities. Often, that negativity you're hearing from her is a way that depression will manifest itself. I would look into her daily life a bit and find out if she's either taking on too much or if grandma and grumpus's care has become too much for her. How old is you mom? Does she participate in an outside activities with friends? Does she travel? Does she lead a healthy lifestyle?
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is going to sound odd. But perhaps mom needs a check up. That is a rather drastic change in behavior.

    I grew up with my gramma. She was not a ranter, she rarely ever cussed.......*might* say d*mn if she stubbed her toe really bad. She never poked her nose into her kids business, never offered opinions on their mates or children. A very pleasant agreeable person to be around. IF she got mad at you for whatever got the look, you know.....the momma look that stops 7 feet tall 300 lbs of solid muscle men in their tracks and made your blood run cold. Once I recall her calling one of her sister in law's on the carpet over his abusive treatment of my aunt........she did it in a very quiet voice with the look. That's how she handled things.

    At about 11-12 yrs old I come home from school (actually to my house, not hers because school office gave me a message I was to go Home). My mom tells me when I get there that my gramma is inside and acting oddly, like a crazy person. I didn't believe her and went inside.........and yeah, she wasn't acting at ALL like herself. There was this glare on her face, and she was snipping at everyone....not long after I got home snipping turned into yelling and honestly......there was no real reason for it. Mom took her into the bedroom to try to calm her down. Uh....that only made it worse. Mom called my uncle (this had all started at his house) and they took her to the ER where she was admitted to the psychiatric unit. It went down hill from there.

    I was furious. And I acted like a true difficult child (I was) and I refused to let up on how they were being mean to her and they weren't trying to find out what was wrong. I got poo pooed and patted on the head. It made me more furious. Finally I confronted my mom (when it came to gramma I knew no fear) and demanded to know why no one was considering she could've had a stroke instead of her being crazy suddenly in her late 60's for pete's sake. She'd already had one stroke when I was 7. Even as a child that sounded more reasonable than, oh.....this sane person just flipped over absolutely nothing. Mom thought about it.....then it nagged her......and then she asked the doctor who tested gramma.........and low and behold she'd had another stroke and was immediately moved off the psychiatric unit. About a week later she was herself again and didn't remember much of what had happened.

    While I realize your mom is under a LOT of stress caring for her parents and that can really get to a person (yup i know that one first hand), when someone displays behavior that is really out of character for them it sends up a red flag. Red flags shouldn't be ignored. The symptoms of a stroke can be several things such as blurred vision, loss of feeling....ect (the classic signs) or a sudden change in personality or behavior. That your mom has been under so much stress only makes it more important not to ignore the red flag. And a good sound physical checkup doesn't hurt anything. (and yeah, someone needs to tell the doctor about the behavior and have him actively check)

    Maybe that isn't what is going on, but I felt I had to put it out there to be considered. While stress of caring for loved ones can truly get to a usually doesn't alter their behavior to that degree. And I hope I"m wrong.

  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with Hound 100 % but I do have to let you know that, for me, that is NORMAL Mom behavior.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I second Hound Dog - sounds like something is going on...

    maybe not as serious as a stroke (like a hormonal imbalance), but something.

    It sounds like your Mom was waaaayyyy out of character - and that should be a red flag that something is wrong.

    Hope you can convince her to get checked out by a doctor!
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I agree that it is the deviation from the norm that should be the cause for concern. Hound's story is right on target. Hugs DDD
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    Sounds 100% normal to me. I think it's a bit odd because she's grandma, but still normal. Is there anyone who cn tell you if she did this when you got engaged?

    I say it's normal only because my Aunt did it when my cousin got engaged. Aunt ALWAYS looks at life through rose colored glasses. After cousin got engaged (to an awesome guy by the way) she was so negative about EVERYTHING. I found it odd and normal at the same time. I stepped into the supporting role assuring her that she raised her daughter well to make a good decision on a mate. I really think part of Aunt's negativity stemmed from the fact that after 45 years of marriage, things aren't hunky dory anymore, but since they are Catholic divorce is out of the question.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm on the fence on this one...
    Sure, it could be something medical going on, and probably shouldn't be ignored - mostly, keep an eye on things.
    More likely... it's a combination of where she is at with her own life right now (stress levels, etc.), and the fact that grand-kids getting married is a sure sign of getting older and she may not be comfortable with that, either.

    At any rate - no fun.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was going to say something medical too. Is she taking any medications? It can also be something as simple as a bladder infection. While I realize your mom isnt as old as my mom, my grandmother and Tony's grandmother were, whenever they got a bladder infection....they became a real bear to live with.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    She needs a full medical workup. stroke was the first thing I thought of, and stress CAN be a major cause. depression is possible but should NEVER be the first thought because medical should be ruled out before psychiatric is ruled in.

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Walk a mile in HER shoes and see how pleasant you'd be about ANY person, ANY relationship, and ANYBODY living with ANYONE. You've had to take your Grandma to the beauty parlor and out to shop for clothes and it was a near disaster. Can you imagine what having her AND your Grandpa living with you day in and day out would do you to your demeanor? I think your Mom needs a break, a check up and someone else to take care of Grandma and Grandpa if not all the time at least SOME of the time before she goes around the bend.

    Hugs to you M2OD
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thinking back to when my aunt was living with and caring for my very ill, bedridden gma who was NOT combative or nasty most of the time (usually too busy talking to and caring for the dogs and cats in her mind and snugglng with her in real life cats), she was very much not herself. she was snappish, and it was the only period of time other than when she was in high school that I ever saw her yell at anyone, and she did it several times that i saw. since we lived 800 miles away, that was a whole lot.

    so your gma and gpa are taking a big toll, but that is a big reason for a full checkup - the stress really can cause a lot of physical problems. How can you get a caregiver to help her with gma and gpa? Are there other sblings who can help with the financial cost of that or by taking over on a regular schedule? if not, talk to area churches even if you are not a member. shortly after I had thank you i learned that if i had contacted area churches other than the one we belonged to, they would have sent someone to help us 2-3 times a week, one would have helped from 45 min away that often, at no charge (I was on total bedrest for 5 weeks, and absolutely none of my family members would do anything to help even though i had 2 small children.)

    So try area churches to see if they have a ladies group that would help or even an eldercare program. your mom might object for a while, but the family needs to over-rule her for her own good. Caregivers that get burned out or don't have respite can snap and end up abusing someone when they normally would never do anything like htat. Stress does nasty things to anyone, and that can be one side effect, esp if the person you are caring for is grumpy/unpleasant. you also may have to think about a nursing home for gma and gpa if it is too much stress for your mom. her health should be as important as their happiness, in my opinion. would she see a therapist to discuss your concerns for her and your gparents/ i mean go with you to a therapist to talk about the situation and what would be a more livable arrangement for them that would not be so hard on her? It has to be hard to see her so stressed and unhappy.
  14. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Thank you for all the wonderful advice and support.

    I saw Mom yesterday and she's back to her old self ....and feeling guilty cuz she wasn't so nice.

    Mom and easy child are very, very close. Mom was easy child's daycare provider.

    Mom said she just got so overwhelmed with fear of losing him forever that she couldn't see straight. She thinks K is wonderful and easy child has never looked happier and she's glad.

    And Mom is under a lot of stress with the Grandparents, especially Grumpus. No matter what she does to try to make life nice for him - he's grumpy and doesn't like it. She brings him in a special treat meal and he throws it in the garbage. She makes him home-made cookies and he doesn't like them. And so on.... Of course, I'm mean - I don't go out of my way anymore for him. Mom however, isn't like that. She keeps trying. It's what makes her so special.

    Now, Mom is getting a small break next week. She and Dad are going to Difficult Child for the Submarine Ball. They are hoping that this is the year that Dad gets to cut the cake. (The oldest sailor there gets to cut the cake - he missed by 2 months last year). Then they are going to visit my Aunt and cousins for a day. She's really looking forward to that. Of course, she's feeling bad that I have to take care of Grandma. Heck, I'm not worried about it. I've taken a few days off of work and I know where Grandma wants to go... the Casino. So I've loaded some new books on my Kindle and we will go off each day. If we stay for a few hours we get a free dinner too. So, no cooking, reading time and Grandma will be happy. All is good from my point of view.
  15. keista

    keista New Member

    So we're hoping someone died or is too sick to go to the party? I can do that! :itwashim3:
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    i hpe he gets to cut the cake - not that his cohorts can't be there, but it is an honor. glad she gets a break and it isn't a permanent thing.

    plz encourage her to use some do to get with grumpus. it also works with adult difficult children. so does explosive child. My mom had excellent results when i told her to use that with my dad after he retired - he was driving her bonkers. (She actually begged to let wiz live with them so gpa would have a project back when he was 14 and in total violent difficult child mode - and not mostly for difficult child's sake - dad is that aspie and his obsession was following her around spouting random facts like hte weather in romania and a new type of pond scum found in south outer neverheardofitville and this celeb named his kid weiirdo-whateverstein - and he did this about 20 hours a day.
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    My mother was a real sweetheart and had some mood changes that turned out to be unstable blood sugar. Just another medical thing that might be in play. I am glad your mom is going to get a break and hope they have a wonderful time!