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General Parenting
My difficult child#1 is in foster care...long...sorry!
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 35890" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi, and welcome. So sorry-but so happy/relieved--you found us. </p><p>Actually, it sounds very much like you did the right thing. You said, "I know that I could not have her violent and threatening behavior at home with my 2 boys there." and "The foster home apparently has rules...only can shower at night between 8-8:30, only watch tv from 7-9 p.m. etc. Nothing unreasonable but this is finally sinking in."</p><p></p><p>Bravo! THIS is what WILL sink in. This will work if you let it work. She knows you love her because you met with-her at the mall and spent two hrs together. That was more than a halfway mark, in my humble opinion. You cannot rescue her any more.</p><p>She has made some VERY poor choices that involve other people. First off, her behavior at home got her sent to state custody. Second, her sexual behavior got two boys in trouble.</p><p>She needs to face those facts.</p><p></p><p>You said, "I only want to protect her and hate to see her in pain."</p><p></p><p>I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry you have to go through this. But your "protecting" her has not provided the consequences you meant to achieve. What you have done at this point is "outsource." That can be a good thing. Your daughter is now a young adult and already facing some very difficult choices and consequences. She sounds like the kind of person who has always learned everything the hard way. Trust her to learn. </p><p></p><p>Read the other notes on this bb. You will see where other parents have done exactly the same thing you have, incl. crying their eyes out, second guessing their decisions for placement. Some of the kids came back home changed and better for the experience. Some didn't. I suspect yours will... she apparently didn't think you'd go through with it.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and strength. This is a hard time for you. You can do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 35890, member: 3419"] Hi, and welcome. So sorry-but so happy/relieved--you found us. Actually, it sounds very much like you did the right thing. You said, "I know that I could not have her violent and threatening behavior at home with my 2 boys there." and "The foster home apparently has rules...only can shower at night between 8-8:30, only watch tv from 7-9 p.m. etc. Nothing unreasonable but this is finally sinking in." Bravo! THIS is what WILL sink in. This will work if you let it work. She knows you love her because you met with-her at the mall and spent two hrs together. That was more than a halfway mark, in my humble opinion. You cannot rescue her any more. She has made some VERY poor choices that involve other people. First off, her behavior at home got her sent to state custody. Second, her sexual behavior got two boys in trouble. She needs to face those facts. You said, "I only want to protect her and hate to see her in pain." I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry you have to go through this. But your "protecting" her has not provided the consequences you meant to achieve. What you have done at this point is "outsource." That can be a good thing. Your daughter is now a young adult and already facing some very difficult choices and consequences. She sounds like the kind of person who has always learned everything the hard way. Trust her to learn. Read the other notes on this bb. You will see where other parents have done exactly the same thing you have, incl. crying their eyes out, second guessing their decisions for placement. Some of the kids came back home changed and better for the experience. Some didn't. I suspect yours will... she apparently didn't think you'd go through with it. Hugs and strength. This is a hard time for you. You can do it. [/QUOTE]
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My difficult child#1 is in foster care...long...sorry!
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