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My difficult child#1 is in foster care...long...sorry!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 35904" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The disclosures she gave could be a signpost to other, older but connected events which could explain the behaviour problems, at least in part. If she was being used back and forth by two boys over 18 "until they are finished with her", what would this do to her self-respect? And what is it in her that allowed it to happen? Has something else happened before, to predispose her? This sort of thing can snowball.</p><p></p><p>If she had stayed with you, she probably would have continued to be difficult and a hazard. She has disclosed now, possibly to try to stop the process of separation from you? Not sure, but I suspect also because the SW is NOT you, difficult child 1 disclosed to a stranger who is probably also skilled in extracting information.</p><p></p><p>By asking for help, you have set in motion a series of events which have fairly quickly led to SOME information coming to light, which could help her. I believe there's probably more - her self-esteem must have been rock-bottom for these boys to even have a chance at getting past her guard.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the best thing you can right now. I'm glad you got to spend some time with her - she needs to know you love her, but her behaviour is too dangerous at the moment, for her to be near you and her siblings. Who knows? Maybe the process of taking action against these boys will help her see events in a better perspective, and she will feel more able to talk about other things (I'm betting these boys were the latest in a string of very nasty and degrading things with her - not her fault legally, but she'd be more vulnerable to further exploitation as a result). 15 is fairly old for something like you describe to have been her first time. Maybe questioning those boys will bring more events to light. I really hope this is going to lead to a mot more help for her, in learning that she deserves better than that.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, be strong. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 35904, member: 1991"] The disclosures she gave could be a signpost to other, older but connected events which could explain the behaviour problems, at least in part. If she was being used back and forth by two boys over 18 "until they are finished with her", what would this do to her self-respect? And what is it in her that allowed it to happen? Has something else happened before, to predispose her? This sort of thing can snowball. If she had stayed with you, she probably would have continued to be difficult and a hazard. She has disclosed now, possibly to try to stop the process of separation from you? Not sure, but I suspect also because the SW is NOT you, difficult child 1 disclosed to a stranger who is probably also skilled in extracting information. By asking for help, you have set in motion a series of events which have fairly quickly led to SOME information coming to light, which could help her. I believe there's probably more - her self-esteem must have been rock-bottom for these boys to even have a chance at getting past her guard. You are doing the best thing you can right now. I'm glad you got to spend some time with her - she needs to know you love her, but her behaviour is too dangerous at the moment, for her to be near you and her siblings. Who knows? Maybe the process of taking action against these boys will help her see events in a better perspective, and she will feel more able to talk about other things (I'm betting these boys were the latest in a string of very nasty and degrading things with her - not her fault legally, but she'd be more vulnerable to further exploitation as a result). 15 is fairly old for something like you describe to have been her first time. Maybe questioning those boys will bring more events to light. I really hope this is going to lead to a mot more help for her, in learning that she deserves better than that. Hang in there, be strong. Marg [/QUOTE]
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My difficult child#1 is in foster care...long...sorry!
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