My difficult child called tonight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    We were both sad because this is the first year he hasn't been home and we've spent Christmas at our house, etc. I was trying not to set up a situation where he could later say "see- if you don't do ABC, I'll get in trouble and won't be home next Christmas" and use it to blackmail me in the future. But I did tell him I missed him and wished he was home and that I hoped we could always be together for the holidays in the future- even someday if he's married and has me a grandbaby to hold ( :D ).

    He told me that he was sorry, too, that he couldn't be home with me. He said none of this was my fault, that he just had a whole lot of emotional stuff he needed to deal with and that he's tried to deal with it all while he's been in there. He said he hoped he would always be home in the future, too, and that he would "play Santa" for the dogs when he came home.

    I think that insight was my Christams gift from him this year and if it's sincere, I couldn't have ever had anything better.:sad:

    I mentioned that he didn't have much longer before his release. He mentioned a few boys that are going home within the next couple of weeks and said a couple have gotten charges just a day or two before their release. I asked if he thought sometimes a person might get scared about actually coming back to "real life" and messing up because of that. He said sometimes it seems that they try too hard not to get in trouble, and that leads to it happening. But he said sometimes it's because the boy has nothing to come home to. I told him I hoped that didn't happen with him and he said he didn't feel that way. I reminded him that I'm not perfect and that no one's life is perfect. He told me he knew he wasn't perfect either, but he wished he was.

    Of course I'm feeling all mushy and crying now! I know he's still a difficult child even though the people in Department of Juvenile Justice say he's a easy child now, but those few easy child moments sure do bring back hopes and dreams and all other sorts of emotions. But I swear, he had to learn that I would never tolerate him pulling a knife on me for any reason, short of me abusing him and I wasn't.


    Somewhere in there I also told him that as bad as this was, it could have ended up sooooo much worse- for both of us. He didn't say anything to that.
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2009
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    It sounds like he truly is growing, K. What a great conversation. I think you have every reason to feel hope at this point. Hugs, ML
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a great conversation. Hoping the growth continues for difficult child. Hugs.
  4. horserider

    horserider New Member

    My thoughts have been with you and your difficult child. What a wonderful conversation with hopes for the future. With both of our difficult child's in the jjc, I truly feel I am not alone through this difficult time. It is nice the staff says he is a easy child, warms your heart to hear about his efforts.

    Take care of yourself and know you and yours are always in my prayers.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Some understanding and acceptance of his responsibility in all this is a great Christmas gift. My wish is that once he it out, he remembers the things he said when he had all the time to think about it. Good convo.

  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you, Ladies! I try to keep up with your story, too, horserider. Going thru these rough times "with others" is one of the best things about this board, if not the best.

    Oh, that would be the best gift he could ever give himself- or me!! I am wondering how long this will stick after he's released.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Merry Christmas, K.

    And your last statement, that you did what you had to...don't forget it. You did.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    :D Merry Christmas! DDD
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you both! I wish the local system worked as well as well as the state sytem- even though there are difficulties with it too, they do at least seem to be in the same ballpark as me. Anywhooo.....

    Merry Christmas to you, too!!!
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Merry Christmas K & Son -

    Doesn't matter how far away you every are from each other -

    Hugs & love
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'm so glad that you & difficult child were able to talk with one another about future holidays.

    difficult children talk of responsibility & change brings tears to my eyes for you. As Sharon said, what a wonderful gift if that comes home with him.

    Enjoy your day.