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My difficult child is in jail
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 648616" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Overwhelmed, welcome back. You may want to post this same thread over in Substance Abuse as well where they have a lot of experience with this, that way you will get more support about issues with the drinking. They may have options on how to deal with the court too, given his IQ and his substance abuse.</p><p></p><p>While he is incarcerated, make sure you get support for yourself. You might try going to an Al Anon group or another 12 step group, Families Anonymous or a therapist. You need support for this process, it is very tough on us parents. You may also be able to receive help from NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Try researching them online, they have many chapters throughout the US. If you haven't already you may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. And, a book that seems to help all of us is Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. </p><p></p><p>In order to make the changes necessary for you to get out from under your son's lifestyle and choices, you will likely need help. You will need to set some pretty strict boundaries, figuring out what you are actually willing to do and what you are not willing to do. You will need to learn how to say no. </p><p></p><p>When our kids go off the rails, for whatever reason, it is extremely difficult on us. You've been enabling your son for a very long time. If you want change to happen, it will have to come from you. That is why it becomes imperative to have support, you will need it to make the hard choices necessary to change so you can begin to live your life, you deserve that. Finding where your boundaries around your son are, is important.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there Overwhelmed, this is hard stuff. Get yourself some support, keep posting, it helps, read books, do kind, nurturing things for yourself, make sure you are getting YOUR needs met. Fill yourself back up, you are probably depleted, exhausted and devastated. You matter too, don't forget that, take the focus off of your son and place it on YOU. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you're here..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 648616, member: 13542"] Overwhelmed, welcome back. You may want to post this same thread over in Substance Abuse as well where they have a lot of experience with this, that way you will get more support about issues with the drinking. They may have options on how to deal with the court too, given his IQ and his substance abuse. While he is incarcerated, make sure you get support for yourself. You might try going to an Al Anon group or another 12 step group, Families Anonymous or a therapist. You need support for this process, it is very tough on us parents. You may also be able to receive help from NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Try researching them online, they have many chapters throughout the US. If you haven't already you may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. And, a book that seems to help all of us is Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. In order to make the changes necessary for you to get out from under your son's lifestyle and choices, you will likely need help. You will need to set some pretty strict boundaries, figuring out what you are actually willing to do and what you are not willing to do. You will need to learn how to say no. When our kids go off the rails, for whatever reason, it is extremely difficult on us. You've been enabling your son for a very long time. If you want change to happen, it will have to come from you. That is why it becomes imperative to have support, you will need it to make the hard choices necessary to change so you can begin to live your life, you deserve that. Finding where your boundaries around your son are, is important. Hang in there Overwhelmed, this is hard stuff. Get yourself some support, keep posting, it helps, read books, do kind, nurturing things for yourself, make sure you are getting YOUR needs met. Fill yourself back up, you are probably depleted, exhausted and devastated. You matter too, don't forget that, take the focus off of your son and place it on YOU. I'm glad you're here.......... [/QUOTE]
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My difficult child is in jail
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