My difficult child Son Quit his job Again! I need to vent....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mary9461, Nov 19, 2007.

  1. mary9461

    mary9461 trying to hang on

    My difficult child son called me at 11:30 on Friday night to tell me that he needed a ride home because he had quit his job. I told him to call a cab. I asked him why he quit and he told me he was tired of them disrespecting him. What a laugh, if I quit because of disrespect I would have quit being his mom a very long time ago. I asked him why he called me for a ride and he tells me something about me calming him down and his phone getting ready to die and he didn't want it to die in the middle of calling for a cab. (What?) My son is so full of it sometimes I do believe his eyes are brown. I told him well you know what your bills are so I suggest you find a job tomorrow. When my husband talked to him on Saturday he had just gotten up (1:30pm) He was very tired because he didn't sleep because of his job situation. More like he stayed up playing video games all night. He thinks we have STUPID stamped on our foreheads. My husband told him that they don't allow video games in the homeless shelter, but I don't think difficult child son believes we will let him fail, he is in for a rude awakening. My mom called on Sunday and asked if my son was working I told her he had quit his job. She wants to take everything personal and I told her that he is making these choices and he will have to live with the consequenses. She then tells me she hasn't heard from him lately. I told her she would when he needed something, but she doesn't believe that, she thinks she is immune to his using people. I told her that is the way he operates with everyone. I don't know he just makes me CRAZY! and my mom wants to continue to make excuses for him. Thanks for letting me vent, I am so glad I found this website. :smile:
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I think you handled it beautifully. Your mom will realize someday on her own what he is doing. You won't be able to convince her otherwise. His actions will speak for themselves. Just sit back and watch that happen.

    Sounds like you and husband are sticking to a plan and difficult child is pretty surprised about that.

    I love the part about husband telling him they don't allow video games in the homeless shelter :smile: That was an awesome response.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Argh! I so can relate to this. I cant tell you how many times I have heard my kid tell me that he isnt going to listen to someone "dissing" him. Ok...whatever.

    He has now burned so many bridges no one will hire him because of his reputation for being a jerk! Its not that he wont work or cant do the job...its that his mouth gets him in trouble and no one wants to put up with it.

    Hmmm...natural consequences.
  4. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    I am so glad you are sticking strong. He will never learn true consequences of his own actions (or inactions) if we don't teach it to them. I know it is hard, wanting to go and save him all the time, but that is our instinct and doing so won't help him learn. You are doing great mama! Hang in there !
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    They do like to elevate our blood pressure don't they.

    When difficult child was close to being kicked out of his program (19yrs old) he was sent home for a week to regroup. I took him with me to run a few errands. One of which was the homeless shelter. I told him no one gets to do nothing. School or work or homelessness. It's a simple choice. I wasn't threatening but showing him the reality of where he will be if husband and I died or we could no longer afford to be his financial support.

    It left an impression. He still struggles but he knows in the back of his head he could be in a scary place.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hi Mary,

    This is VERY spooky!

    I'm in Columbia!! My son quit HIS job Friday. My son called ME to say that I calm him down. I'm not extending a hand to help him. I gave him a life as we know it explanation. I will say this though

    Quote: My husband told him that they don't allow video games in the homeless shelter, but I don't think difficult child son believes we will let him fail,

    When you let life bite them in the kiester - you aren't letting them fail - you are letting them take responsibility for their actions. Life lessons bite worse than a Mother ever could and the beauty of it is - they can't be mad at us (although they'll try)-Sadly they cant.

    Are you sure you don't have the twin to my son? lol his eyes ARE brown. ROFL

    many hugs * WELCOME TO THE BOARD
  7. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Ditto - my son always said someone was treating him badly or disrespecting him whenever he quit a job. It seems it would start out ok and then suddenly he just couldnt get along with anyone! He was also call me no matter what time it was. Most of the time I would go get him but sometimes if it was after 12 midnight I would tell him find a friend to sleep with. he was always somewhere I had told him not to go. He didnt listen much. He is in jail now.
  8. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Hunger is a great motivator. Maybe he needs to get good and hungry before he 'gets it'.

    You handled things very well. Way to go.
  9. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    I think you did a great job of handling it. My son always thought he was smarter than anyone he worked for. He would get bored very quickly with a job because "he was too smart." He always told me he was going to do so much more with his life than I had with mine, but if you asked him what his plan was, he never had one. Typical difficult child thinking!
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Yep- Rob always says this, too. It's amazing how our kids have these similar personality traits.

    You did good, Mary. Stay strong.

  11. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Mary, welcome to the Board.

    Honestly, you could have been describing my difficult child (except his eyes are a sort of bluey-green!, but he is truly full of "it" too!!!).

    Oh yes, mine has also left his job (for the umpteenth time). And he's driving a motorbike without insurance. My husband and I don't want to help him out, but yes, we just told him that we will pay for two month's insurance. He is supposed to be starting yet another job on Sunday. We are lucky that Jerusalem is a very big town so he hasn't burned all his bridges yet, and when he leaves this new job he can find yet another one!

    How long, O lord, how long?

    Anyway, welcome to you. Sorry you had to find us, but you have certainly come to a good place.

    You certainly seem to handle your difficult child well -- it's good that you and your husband are on the same page.

    Love, Esther
  12. dean

    dean New Member

    My son is currently manipulating his grandparents by playing on their sympathies. He's 20 years old and has lied to us so many times that if he says its raining I'm going to step outside and check! He's smart, capable and could be anything he wants to be in life. He was raised in a good home, good values, character building, but when he got into high school he started gravitating toward people who test the system. I'm afraid if he doesn't get it together soon he's going to end up in jail. When he graduated from high school I offered to help him by paying a down payment and financing a car for him. He picked a 2005 mustang, special addition. After I sign the papers, he drove away in this hot rod with promises that he would make payments and keep his grades up in college (albeit a local community college, I was just glad he was going). Found out via a letter from the school he had dropped the classes before we ever went looking for his car. He leaves the house for weeks afterwards saying, "I'm off to school." when I ask him how he's doing, "I got an A in English". The only thing he got an A in is lying. Not only did he drop the classes, but he did it so late that he now is in trouble with financial aid and can't go back if he wanted to. I took the car from him and sold it. He goes to my parents who GIVE him a Tahoe to drive and free insurance. They never gave me or my siblings anything free, so I'm not sure how he's managing this. When I discuss it I'm told it's not my business who they let drive their cars! I feel betrayed by my own parents and he just sits their and smiles. Now he's lost his job and is living with my brother and his kids in their spare room. When will the Halo effect wear off this kid!!!

    I love him very much, but I see character traits that he never learned from me emerging and no one seems to care that this kid is pulling a fast one except his mother and I.
  13. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    "if I quit because of disrespect I would have quit being his mom a very long time ago." Best quote ever- I'm totally stealing this to use on my difficult child!

    I feel your pain, my daughter has done all kinds of stupid stuff like this, and has a baby to boot! It will drive you insane! You are handling it very well- hang in there!
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm swiping your quote, too.

    I've been in jobs where I was disrespected, ignored, and treated like dog turds. But... I needed to eat. I've been bored at work. I need to feed my family...

    You are doing GREAT!!
  15. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome dean!

    Dean and ladies, this is a really old thread! But yes, I do love that quote as well!

    Dean, please start a thread of your own and introduce yourself. You've found a great place for support with many wise members who've gone through what you're going through.