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Substance Abuse
My entire family is falling apart
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<blockquote data-quote="Nature" data-source="post: 682506" data-attributes="member: 19011"><p>Thank you all for your support.</p><p>Despite that "horrible no good bad ugly week" I'm still pretty sane, just stressed. Much of the stress was coming from T this week. I feel like a bit of the weight has been lifted off when he re-emerged. The not knowing is the worst.</p><p></p><p>I had long resolved that one day my mom would lose her house due to my brothers hoarding. No amount of pleading or offers to her to come live with me prevented it. We have tried many times to clean the house but last time did not end well . I have known since my teens that my mom enabled my older brother. Ironically, I knew and I saw what was coming for my future if I continued with my enabling. We have until next wk to get the house sold before the bank takes it.</p><p></p><p>I kinda had my mindset that my priority and focus would be my sister as she had no choice whereas my son does. She was only diagnosed with cancer 3 wks ago but we found out Monday it was stage 4.The day she drove 2 hours to get T she had just had 6 hrs of chemo. Earlier in my son's addiction when I no longer felt I had the strength she always came to the "rescue" and had him in her home. I see a pattern here as I believe we all enable, that is until I finally "got it" somewhat a few months ago and broke my own pattern.</p><p>I have gone there on weekends to help her with her animals and her home (she lives alone on an isolated mountain 2 hrs away from me).I cooked lots of meals and left them in her freezer. My mom is with her now but unable to do much and I know the stress must be difficult for her too.</p><p></p><p>I have to stay strong for my mom and sister and despite my protest, my sister is adamant that with the rest of the proceeds of the sale of the home (in the city) they will be able to afford a place in the country and all move in together. My brother comes with them. No amount of trying to reason them out of it would work as it was causing my sister and mom stress. I have to bite my tongue as I know they are only moving their problems from one place to another. I forsee a disaster but I realize I'm not winning when it comes to try to reason with them . My sister is my Mothers Executor.</p><p></p><p>So I'm trying to now focus on things I can do something about rather than those I can't. Thank you all for your positive comments and support. If anything I have learned about inner strength and the acceptance that I can only change my behaviour and not that of others if they resist. Thank you all for your comments and support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nature, post: 682506, member: 19011"] Thank you all for your support. Despite that "horrible no good bad ugly week" I'm still pretty sane, just stressed. Much of the stress was coming from T this week. I feel like a bit of the weight has been lifted off when he re-emerged. The not knowing is the worst. I had long resolved that one day my mom would lose her house due to my brothers hoarding. No amount of pleading or offers to her to come live with me prevented it. We have tried many times to clean the house but last time did not end well . I have known since my teens that my mom enabled my older brother. Ironically, I knew and I saw what was coming for my future if I continued with my enabling. We have until next wk to get the house sold before the bank takes it. I kinda had my mindset that my priority and focus would be my sister as she had no choice whereas my son does. She was only diagnosed with cancer 3 wks ago but we found out Monday it was stage 4.The day she drove 2 hours to get T she had just had 6 hrs of chemo. Earlier in my son's addiction when I no longer felt I had the strength she always came to the "rescue" and had him in her home. I see a pattern here as I believe we all enable, that is until I finally "got it" somewhat a few months ago and broke my own pattern. I have gone there on weekends to help her with her animals and her home (she lives alone on an isolated mountain 2 hrs away from me).I cooked lots of meals and left them in her freezer. My mom is with her now but unable to do much and I know the stress must be difficult for her too. I have to stay strong for my mom and sister and despite my protest, my sister is adamant that with the rest of the proceeds of the sale of the home (in the city) they will be able to afford a place in the country and all move in together. My brother comes with them. No amount of trying to reason them out of it would work as it was causing my sister and mom stress. I have to bite my tongue as I know they are only moving their problems from one place to another. I forsee a disaster but I realize I'm not winning when it comes to try to reason with them . My sister is my Mothers Executor. So I'm trying to now focus on things I can do something about rather than those I can't. Thank you all for your positive comments and support. If anything I have learned about inner strength and the acceptance that I can only change my behaviour and not that of others if they resist. Thank you all for your comments and support. [/QUOTE]
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