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Substance Abuse
My entire family is falling apart
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<blockquote data-quote="Nature" data-source="post: 682509" data-attributes="member: 19011"><p>Thank you so much Kalahou. I did not come to this way of thinking overnight it took a lot of soul searching and help from reading this forum. Watching the Invention shows on Youtube also helps as I have come to see that families must all commit or else the addict will only go from one person to the next. When one person is worn out the addict will then go on to the next person and the cycle repeats once again. I realize it only prolongs their ability to get monies and continue their addiction.</p><p>Last week, when T called me (first time I heard his voice in 8 months) he was crying and pleading for me to come pick him up. My heart shattered in a million pieces hearing my son's distress but I refused to pick him up as he insisted I bring him to my sisters. There was no way I would do that to her at this time so I stayed strong in my refusal. That is when he turned and became so abusive on the phone ...we've probably all heard the awful stuff that comes out of their mouths (kept telling myself that it was not the son I knew but the drugs doing the talking). So I remained calm and firm - NO, I will not do that but he could go to a Detox or Rehab. He hung up on me and I cried my heart out hoping he would follow through with the numbers I gave him for contacts. My sister was wracked with guilt as he called her at least 20 times begging her to please come and get him. I told her not to take his calls any longer. So yes, incredibly hard on all of us but for the first time we were all on board as my sister finally "got it" that driving to his rescue or sending him funds will not have the outcome she wanted. I know and she did too that she would have been unable to resist his begging of money or be able to leave him on the streets. I know she would have gone to his rescue if she had been physically able but she was too ill from the previous days events where she drove those 2 hours to get him, waited 2 hrs in the car for him (he was a no show) and then had to drive 2 hrs back home again. It took it's toll on her and the effects of chemo from the previous day hit her hard. It's why I was able to stay firm too...NO, I would not bring him there.</p><p>I did repeat I loved him as did my mom, sister, his brother and his dad but we would not allow him to come stay with us. His only choice was to seek help and he would have to wait until a space opened up at a facility. Sadly, they are so much in demand that there is a usual 3 wk waiting period. He had been lucky previously when his dad found a place in 4 days but T had walked away from it in less than 24 hrs. I prayed a space would open up and spent countless hours calling and emailing facilities but they were all full.</p><p></p><p> I will help him in that way as I could then pass on the number of a facility that would take him as from experience I know it sometimes takes hours to contact all the facilities. Still, once I found a facility it would be up to him to call and make contact. His voice and cries caused me lots of sleepless nights and caused me a lot of agony and I prayed I did the right thing. (Yes, self doubt still creeps in.) </p><p>When he was at his previous recovery facility for 8 months and the no contact order was still in place I would send- via friends- messages of love and encouragement but I did not ask that the no contact order be removed. I hope in his foggy drug addicted mind he knows that I have never stopped loving him but will no longer enable him. The change must come from him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nature, post: 682509, member: 19011"] Thank you so much Kalahou. I did not come to this way of thinking overnight it took a lot of soul searching and help from reading this forum. Watching the Invention shows on Youtube also helps as I have come to see that families must all commit or else the addict will only go from one person to the next. When one person is worn out the addict will then go on to the next person and the cycle repeats once again. I realize it only prolongs their ability to get monies and continue their addiction. Last week, when T called me (first time I heard his voice in 8 months) he was crying and pleading for me to come pick him up. My heart shattered in a million pieces hearing my son's distress but I refused to pick him up as he insisted I bring him to my sisters. There was no way I would do that to her at this time so I stayed strong in my refusal. That is when he turned and became so abusive on the phone ...we've probably all heard the awful stuff that comes out of their mouths (kept telling myself that it was not the son I knew but the drugs doing the talking). So I remained calm and firm - NO, I will not do that but he could go to a Detox or Rehab. He hung up on me and I cried my heart out hoping he would follow through with the numbers I gave him for contacts. My sister was wracked with guilt as he called her at least 20 times begging her to please come and get him. I told her not to take his calls any longer. So yes, incredibly hard on all of us but for the first time we were all on board as my sister finally "got it" that driving to his rescue or sending him funds will not have the outcome she wanted. I know and she did too that she would have been unable to resist his begging of money or be able to leave him on the streets. I know she would have gone to his rescue if she had been physically able but she was too ill from the previous days events where she drove those 2 hours to get him, waited 2 hrs in the car for him (he was a no show) and then had to drive 2 hrs back home again. It took it's toll on her and the effects of chemo from the previous day hit her hard. It's why I was able to stay firm too...NO, I would not bring him there. I did repeat I loved him as did my mom, sister, his brother and his dad but we would not allow him to come stay with us. His only choice was to seek help and he would have to wait until a space opened up at a facility. Sadly, they are so much in demand that there is a usual 3 wk waiting period. He had been lucky previously when his dad found a place in 4 days but T had walked away from it in less than 24 hrs. I prayed a space would open up and spent countless hours calling and emailing facilities but they were all full. I will help him in that way as I could then pass on the number of a facility that would take him as from experience I know it sometimes takes hours to contact all the facilities. Still, once I found a facility it would be up to him to call and make contact. His voice and cries caused me lots of sleepless nights and caused me a lot of agony and I prayed I did the right thing. (Yes, self doubt still creeps in.) When he was at his previous recovery facility for 8 months and the no contact order was still in place I would send- via friends- messages of love and encouragement but I did not ask that the no contact order be removed. I hope in his foggy drug addicted mind he knows that I have never stopped loving him but will no longer enable him. The change must come from him. [/QUOTE]
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