Scott is my son who renounced me and the rest of the family...except for my ex husband. I am doing well living without Scott...untill I hear about things he has actually done. I have begged my kids, 35 and Julie not to talk about Scott, even if ex tells them something about him, but, of course, Julie, in particular, needs somebody to talk about it with and I'm it. Ex is kind of clueless. I often think he has a form of Aspergers. He is constantly talking about Scott's wife Karen to Julie. He will say, "It's ok if you don't want to take me to the doctor because Karen said she will." Then he constantly talks to her about what Scott and he did together. This really hurts Julie. Scott was really close to her before he married and he dumped her like the trash. He wants nothing to do with her anymore and she, like me, have accepted that, but she is upset that her father is so cozy with Scott, considering how badly he hurt herself and me. She doesn't think he should see Scott because he has been such a jerk to us and to ex as well. He didn't speak to ex for three years, but ex has money and we think Scott wants a piece of that pie when ex is gone and ex has an illness. I hope ex lives twenty more years, but nobody knows how long he will last and Scott knows this. Julie feels Karen is replacing her and Julie has REALLY done a lot for her father and has never spent one day refusing to talk to him. Every time he brings up either of them to Julie, she is very hurt. 35 is not a prize, but ex doesn't need to tell him about his joyful relationship with Scott either. It especially wounds 35 when ex says, "J. isn't my only grandson. I have N. too (Scott's son who nobody knows except ex)." There is no need for ex to ever bring Scott or N. up to 35. When 35 lived near ex, he spent all his time with J. Ex called Scott after 35 moved to MIssouri because "I'm getting older and I want more than Julie to be in touch with me in case something happened." Now N. is his #1 grandson. I guess he's mine too, technically, but I've never seen him. I wish he'd understand that Scott is a wound to us all...there is no reason for him to discuss him with the other kids. Of course, then I get an earful about Scott and, especially from Julie, how it hurts her and she wants him to stop. She has begged him to stop, but he doesn't understand why she cares and continues to talk about them to her. And she tells me. And then I get off the phone and cry because Scott is interacting with his father, but refuses to even give me the time of day if I were to call him...this I am sure of. And that brings back old memories that I'd rather not revisit as there is no point. But I have cried after hearing Julie talk about Scott. When I tell her to put her foot down and tell ex that she will not listen to him talking about Scott and will gently hang up the phone, she both doesn't want to be disrespectful to her father (she has always wanted him to love her in a way he can't) and she doesn't think it will work (not so sure of that). Still, she wants Daddy to love her. I get it. So Scott still haunts me through my ex and my kids, although it certainly is not a sustained long term hurt because I quickly put it out of my head and try to forget him. In the back of my mind I wonder if he'd speak to me if I had money. Then I need a therapy session to remember that Scott is probably attachment challenged...yet he will see my ex. And I must admit it hurts when 35 passes along that ex sees N. and has two grandchildren. He sees both. He is much closer to ST. Louis than I am and drives there when he wants to in order to see J. I can't drive there. With my various neurological wiring short circuits I could never get to ST. Louis on my own and husband has to work and has little interest in visiting 35 on the few vacation days he has. So ex has two grandchildren who love him...I have two who don't know me and one who never will. On bad days like this, I remember that husband and I can do foster care and have little ones around. I also try to focus on the fact that Julie wants a child, but is just not getting pregnant. I have to think that one day she will, even though it is not easy for her to conceive. She is only 28. She has time. BUT I DONT WANT MY FIRST GRANDCHILD WHEN I'M 75...lololol If anyone has creative things to say to ex that MIGHT stop him from bringing up Scott, please share, but remember he is pretty clueless and doesn't understand (or maybe care) that this hurts other people. He LIKES Scott in his life because he is a successful child who never needs to ask him for money and he's so smart and he just seems compelled to babble about him. Tonight I am thinking about Scott and little N., who I will never know, and wondering if t here is any way to shut him up about Scott. For those who think Scott may come back, he won't. Not to any of the rest of us. His wife even said s he was scared of me and I believe it. She explained why and it had a lot to do with how families interact in normal ways in the US, but she is Chinese through and through. Any conflict is a fight and Scott has said nothing to keep her from fearing me. I wish to hello, selfish as it is, that the kids would stop telling me about Scott. He is their father so they have to put up with BS, but I divorced him...yet I know that's not fair. I'm very tired. 35 was maddening tonight and this Scott thing is bringing me down at a time when my life is basically sooooooooooooooo good. I need Scott out of my head to have a good life. I can only purge him from my mind if allowed. He was my son from age 6-about 30. If only I could never hear about him again!!! Please...nobody suggest he may have second thoughts and come back. Truly, that is not going to happen and in reality I don't really want it too unless it was without all the conditions he put on me in order to see him. I can't count on that and don't want to hear that he might. He has pretty much truly dismissed us.For good.