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My feet are tired but my spirit is strong.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 688502" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You will only pay for it if you let her abuse you. This is what I said and practiced with my son. Don't say it if you don't mean it or daughter will shell get worse at first so you see it as a weakness.in my opinion she should not have the piwer to scare you with aggressive, mean words. You can stop it now. Sure, she will be furious at first. So what? Your kid or not, she isn't your ruler. Nobody has a right to abuse you. Set a boundary, then wait three days to answer her calls again. Turn off the phone and hide it, if necessary. She is an adult who can take care of her own problems, or else she better learn. You can't live forever and you hurt both you and her by letting her be abusive. Don't let her do it. It is bad for both of you. Here is how you can handle setting this boundary setting and follow up.</p><p></p><p>"I am setting a boundary. You and I must have mutually respectful conversations or else I'm afraid I will have to end the discussion until we can do it."</p><p></p><p>Her: abusive rant</p><p></p><p>You: I love you. Well try again later. (Disconnect and don't answer for three days. Try again. If she gets abusive this time, repeat "I love you. Well try again later." Wait three days. Rinse, repeat</p><p></p><p>You find you are getting your control and self esteem back. You are demanding respect, perfectly reasonable. She has no right to terrorize you.</p><p></p><p>This worked for my son once he realized I meant it. I decided I'd rather not talk to him at all than hear disrespect. He doesn't do that at all anymore. He even apologized, explaining he was under stress (he was in a custody battle).</p><p></p><p>Please be good to yourself. Just because we gave birth or adopted a beloved child doesn't mean that child can grow up to be a tyrant and that, if they do, we have to put up with it.</p><p></p><p>We don't. Nor should we. It's bad for us and them too. You can cut off the money in the same way. She isn't five years old. She can get a job. If she won't, that's on her. We only need to support our kids financially until 18. After that it's a choice. And it shouldn't be because of emotional blackmail or fear of hearing abuse. by the way if you do take her for coffee, because YOU want to and can afford it, get up, pay and leave as soon as she abuses you. Cut no corners. Give these adults an inch, they think it's ok to ramp up the abuse. It must be stopped without discussion, with you being calm, and without letting nastiness slide at all. Or monetary demands. Or criticism.</p><p></p><p>You can do it. We all learned, although it can be a learning curve.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 688502, member: 1550"] You will only pay for it if you let her abuse you. This is what I said and practiced with my son. Don't say it if you don't mean it or daughter will shell get worse at first so you see it as a weakness.in my opinion she should not have the piwer to scare you with aggressive, mean words. You can stop it now. Sure, she will be furious at first. So what? Your kid or not, she isn't your ruler. Nobody has a right to abuse you. Set a boundary, then wait three days to answer her calls again. Turn off the phone and hide it, if necessary. She is an adult who can take care of her own problems, or else she better learn. You can't live forever and you hurt both you and her by letting her be abusive. Don't let her do it. It is bad for both of you. Here is how you can handle setting this boundary setting and follow up. "I am setting a boundary. You and I must have mutually respectful conversations or else I'm afraid I will have to end the discussion until we can do it." Her: abusive rant You: I love you. Well try again later. (Disconnect and don't answer for three days. Try again. If she gets abusive this time, repeat "I love you. Well try again later." Wait three days. Rinse, repeat You find you are getting your control and self esteem back. You are demanding respect, perfectly reasonable. She has no right to terrorize you. This worked for my son once he realized I meant it. I decided I'd rather not talk to him at all than hear disrespect. He doesn't do that at all anymore. He even apologized, explaining he was under stress (he was in a custody battle). Please be good to yourself. Just because we gave birth or adopted a beloved child doesn't mean that child can grow up to be a tyrant and that, if they do, we have to put up with it. We don't. Nor should we. It's bad for us and them too. You can cut off the money in the same way. She isn't five years old. She can get a job. If she won't, that's on her. We only need to support our kids financially until 18. After that it's a choice. And it shouldn't be because of emotional blackmail or fear of hearing abuse. by the way if you do take her for coffee, because YOU want to and can afford it, get up, pay and leave as soon as she abuses you. Cut no corners. Give these adults an inch, they think it's ok to ramp up the abuse. It must be stopped without discussion, with you being calm, and without letting nastiness slide at all. Or monetary demands. Or criticism. You can do it. We all learned, although it can be a learning curve. [/QUOTE]
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