Then......I'm somewhere in between Daisy Face - and myself. I mean I too just let it be with DF and his bluesy-self. We also give him a clear latitude around the holidays to be the original party toilet paper user, but at what point DO you have to say "LOOK HERE MAN - there are others in the house! that ENJOY Christmas and your behavior is ruining it for everyone!" Respecting someones space is ALWAYS good in a relationship, but at what point do you have to stand up for yourself and say to your spouse that his respect is not mutual? I would say this is that time.
Maybe I'm way off kilter here, and believe me we did talk about this in therapy because after so many years together you CAN get stale about so many things because you think well, if I don't accept THAT about him then he won't accept THIS about me and I think THAT thing about me is worse - so I'll keep my trap shut. Then instead of it becomming a balancing act of give and take it starts becoming a score keeping sport. HE did this - so I should be able to do that and he will have to keep shut and when he doesn't I'll throw THAT thing up in his face. THAT is not fighting fair. THAT will ruin relationships. Keeping shut about things he's doing that are making you miserable also is not helping you and it just drives a wedge further between you. That's not the objective of a good relationship in my humble opinion. Sitting him down and saying "I may have told you this before, but I wanted to tell you this again because it's getting to be that season again and I'd like us all to have an enjoyable one so lets you and I both lay out some ground rules NOW that we can both abide by. That way if I push you and make you uncomfortable or vise versa? We can have some sort of signal and nip it in the bud so we both enjoy our holiday."
Like Daisy said - NO forcing him to do anything - but on the same token - he needs to stop grumbling and get a grip or maybe you suggest at that point GO FOR A RIDE. To stop his complaining.
THEN if you've done all you can to come to a compromise, asked him, and met him 1/2 way and he's still refusing - THEN I'd hit him (not with a frying pan) with what I told DF because honey LIFE is too short to keep listening to someone complain about something that he is offered a compromise for and refuses to do anything about.
Just sayin' -
And I love how this board comes together and tempers each other with wit, love and humor.
(slinks off on a reindeer)
