I am once again feeling like I am losing my mind. I just can't do this anymore. Psycho witch at work seems to be gaining more and more power over me, and my emotions. I cannot seem to make myself obsessing over this. Granted she does something every single day to push my buttons, and the company does little about her insubordination, but I should be bigger than this, right? I moved to a different dept at work to get away from her, but that has not helped, and now I feel even more overwhelmed because I have to learn a whole new set of products to sell, and a whole new group of employees to manage. I can't sleep, the nightmares are back. I can't stop thinking about why H. died, and why the heck no one has solved this mystery. And how much I freaking miss her, and need her. I just tried to go over to my parents house, because they wanted me to come over, but I could not shake my bad mood. They just made everything a hundred times worse. When I communicated to them why I was in a bad mood (work), they said that I should be more optimistic. ETC. Then I got upset and said I was leaving, and my dad said that he just wanted "his daughter and her support when I came to visit". Geesh..............sorry..............I forgot my freaking magic wand. Poof!!!! The perfect Steely pops out of the flippin hat. I just left, walked out in the middle of my mom making us dinner, and my dad telling me I could not leave. I knew better. That really is all they want. The perfect me. Just like work. I am so over being perfect I am starting to feel homicidal. Seriously so angry I could hurt someone. Or I feel that way, I probably really could not hurt a roach, but you know what I mean. Today this customer at work said he was going to the desert for a trip, and he may never come back. I really envy him. That is what I need. I can't do this daily never ending grind with no end. I need to find myself and my happiness. How is the question. I need my freaking sister back. Instead I have every reason to believe that H.'s best friend, and H's partner are now lovers in H's house that H's partner got ownership of in H's death. She only died FIVE months ago. Again, violence is all that invokes in me. If I find that to be true I will take down both of them. And I have never beat anyone up in my life. Thanks, once again for listening. I feel like lately all I ever do is whine. Sorry.