My heart is broken

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jillmbooth, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. jillmbooth

    jillmbooth Guest

    Hi, my name is Jill and I have been a member of these forums before but had to reregister because I couldn't remember my info.

    We had to put my DS in the hospital last night. I can't describe to you the pain I am feeling. This is the first time he has been hospitalized. He is 11 yrs old and has adhd, bipolar and odd. We take him to weekly therapy and he sees a psychiatrist...has been since he was 6 yrs old. NOTHING seems to be working and yesterday we had no choice.

    He got mad at me and tried to jump out of the car when it was moving. This has happened before but we didn't hospitalize him. When he found out he was staying at the hospital he flipped out and said some very hurtful's not like he hasn't said things like that before, but it just made me feel so so bad.

    Someone please tell me that I am doing the right thing. He just looked so sad and scared when we left him. I am hoping he won't be in long. If I am not happy with the care he is getting do I have th right to check him out? I am going to give it at least a week before making that decision.

    Any tips for first timers?

  2. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    No experience with-hospitilazation (sp), but it must be an awful feeling. Sending a hug
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is so hard to hospitalize your child. But right now you ARE doing the right thing. Not sure how big he is, but I am sure that he is big enough to present a real danger to himself, you and everyone else in the car (and in other cars) with behavior like trying to jump out. It is probably time that you make sure you have another adult in the car when trying to take him to the hospital in the future.

    He really NEEDS more help than can be provided at home right now (just based on trying to jump out of the car). If he is in the hospital he will be monitored closely and hopefully they can find the right medication combo AND other interventions to help the entire family.

    Often kids settle into the hospital routine fairly well. It is a very structured setting and many of our difficult children respond well to that. It also has them busy almost all day, so he won't be sitting around for hours missing you.

    While he is in the hospital, take time to recharge some of YOUR batteries. Do something nice for yourself. It is important to take care of Mom too.
  4. compassion

    compassion Member

    Jill ((( ))). You did the right thing. He is safe. My daughter has bipolar and her first hosptializastion was in July of last year and her second this month. She is now in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She did the jumping out of car starting at aorund age 10 and honestly I wish I hd done hospitlzation and medications sooner. So, good for you. My daughter still is trying everything to get out of there. It has been two and a half weeks.
    It takes time. The first hopitlzatin was 9 days and now I realize how unstable she was. I did not realize what I do now that it can take years to recuperate.
    I felt the way you did the first time last summer but I now realize there are benefits to hospitalization. Somw things I did and would reccomend: call at every tiem allowed and visit at every time allsed. Bring pics and books. We even brought her cat to her ( incourtyard)
    Yes, you can sign him out at any time. He needs to get stable on his medications and you need a plan if ou decide to bring him back soon. Can he go to partial hopitlzastion program? Can he have frequent outpatient therapy?p
    In my experince the ridkly behavior happens in manic episodes. It is svery, very hard to control at home. My duaghter has recenly trie do jum out of windows, gets violent,etc. It is pretty impssible to deal with within a family.
    So, try to take a breather. Perhaps a nurse can help reassure him. My daughter tried to grab steerig wheel on way to hopital earleir this month. Your son's behavior and my difficult child's are very dangerous. Hospitlas is a consequence of this aspect of theri illness.
    There is a greif experince that happens and the seprtion can be hard.
    The Nami support groupo has been invaluable . I also get help on this board and through Al-Anon and through a therpaist.
  5. I know from experience that not only are you doing the right thing, but how hard it is. The first time I hospitalized my difficult child, he was 11 yrs old too. Through tears he told me as I was walking away that he would never forgive me. Since then, he has been hospitalized 3 times plus a 3-1/2 mo stay in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), each time was hard, but not as hard as the first. Of course he doesn't want to go, but has accepted that he needed it. I think there still is a certain amount of distrust on his part because the first time, I didn't tell him ahead of time, we went, he thought it was just to talk and then when we went from the one room to the unit, he realized that he wasn't leaving. Since then I try to be as up front as possible. When he was going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I told him 3 days before, he cried at first, then asked when and how long. When it came to the day he was to go, he was really anxious, packed his own bag, and about an hour before we were to leave, he said ok, lets go get this over with.

    Just remember, he is lashing out at you now, but deep down, he still loves you. Take this time he is in there and get some rest too. The hard work is ahead of you.

  6. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Been there done that routine. You are doing the right thing. This is the only way they can get him on the right medications because something is not working. Does the heartache ever go away when you have to do this or when they have to enter the hospital again? son is in the hospital now for 10 days as of today and will not be getting out now until Monday. He is older than your little one but it still hurts when I get phone calls from him pleading to me to go pick him up but before he hangs up the phone he tells me he loves me and I tell him I love him too. If anything this first time gets you set for future trips to the hospital.

    Hugs to you for support because I know it is hard for you right now!
  7. jal

    jal Member

    You are doing the right thing. My difficult child is 6 and he had just turned 6 when we had to hospitalize him. He was in for 3 weeks. You know in your heart what you have to do. Definately take this time to recharge yourself and know that he is safe where he is.
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    My daughter had 3 hospitalizations (one for 14 days, one for 6 days and one for 51 days) as well as two partial hospitalizations (one for 4 days and one for 30 days) before we placed her in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    Some hospitals were better than others but none were worse than her engaging in behaviors that could have gotten herself and/or others killed. She did the jumping out of the car thing to (and jumping out windows too).

    I would call and visit when allowed if you are up to it. If not, it's okay too. Take time to recharge your batteries and then work on a safety plan for when he comes home.
  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Count me on the list of us who think you are doing the right thing! It is very hard. The first time is a killer!! The first time my daughter went in patient it was such a scene. I freaked out, scared the rest of the patients and their families. It was like a scene from a movie. What a vast difference to what our experience is now when she goes in patient. I'm a pro! LOL

    It is very hard to entrust other people with the care of your child. I know that it is very scary. You had no choice. Sometimes our children need more than we are capable of giving them. It takes a lot of courage to concede to that and make these hard choices! Your son is where he needs to be. He is safe and receiving the treatment he needs. Rest assured that you have made a choice with his best interest at heart. What a good mom!!!

    Take this time to rest up and care for yourself. We need respite too!

    Hang in there, he will be home before you know it. :)
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Jill, welcome.

    been there done that. My son was 11, as well. It happened over the Labor Day weekend and he missed a wk of school. If kids miss too much school, you make arrangements with-the teacher and the staff at the psychiatric hospital will do his schoolwork with-him.

    You've gotten some wise words and great info here.

    I hope you get a good diagnosis and that you have a good team to work with. There were only 2 problems we had. One was that everyone there was from a foreign country and I had a heck of a time understanding their accents. The other was that I wanted to ask for more tests (since it is a hosptal, and typicaly near or next to a regular ER with-lots of equip) you want to get as much testing done as possible. But the psychiatrist in charge never called me until they had already done all their own testing :( so we had no PET scans or testing for seizures.

    Other than that, my son got used to it quickly. They have lots and lots of structure, way more than at home, and that's one way they can keep the kids calm and organized. I'm an artist and writer and my son couldn't have gotten a worse match for a mom. He needs a football coach or an army general for a mom, LOL.

    Your son will be lonesome, but he will be in good hands.

    Welcome, and hugs.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    You did the right thing. My difficult child tried to jump out of a moving cars on several occassions. She even jumped on top of the hood of my moving car. I took her to the hospital three times and they would not admit her any of the times because they said she did not meet the standard of being a danger to herself or someone else??? They also told me if they did admit her it would only be until stabilized anyway and they would have to transfer her to a hospital that treated children.

    Does this hospital have a pediatric psychiatric ward?

  12. jillmbooth

    jillmbooth Guest

    yes, he is on the pediatric psychiatric unit. There are children there from 5 yrs old to 12. I think they have 15 kids total.