My heart is heavy. My thirty one year old son is homeless and has been so for several months now.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jodi, Oct 8, 2017.

  1. Jodi

    Jodi New Member

    My heart is heavy. My thirty one year old son is homeless and has been so for several months now. You see, he is bipolar and unmedicated. He's pretty much off the deep end right now and no one wants to be around him. He has been kicked out of all the stores in our town, the gym and the library. My husband, my son's stepdad, and I had to get restraining orders against him. This almost killed me. I haven't seen my son for 4 months, however, my daughter does once in awhile and she speaks with him. He is blaming all of his faults and troubles on me; anything negative that has happened to him is my fault. He says I'm an awful mother and he hates me and has threatened to kill me. This is a mother's worst nightmare. I don't know how to let go. I am in mourning for my son. This is affecting every aspect of my life. I am at a loss. My doctor says that I'm moderately depressed and wants to know if I want stronger medicine. No, I want my son and I want him fixed. I don't know what to do. I have cared for him for 31 years. How am I supposed to stop now?
     
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Jodi

    Welcome and you are not alone. There are many supports for you. There is a group called NAMI that is a support group for those who have mentally ill persons in their life.

    We all struggle with letting go and loving and feel there must be a balance there somewhere. I have yet to find it I am sadly still in a codependent FOG.

    This forum has many wise and wonderful people to support you and understand you.

    Know you are not alone.
     
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry.
    Our daughter has this illness as well and there have been many rough years.
    Consider weekly counseling if you are not going already. Ask around for someone good. This is a difficult and draining life circumstance and not everyone will totally understand.
    Read materials on detachment. Since he is older than 21 it is time to let go, although profoundly difficult. If he was willing to get medical help and/or work with you honestly and appropriately this might be a LITTLE different.
    Seeking support from NAMI is an excellent idea.
    I also like the group Parents Anonymous. I went to a few mtgs. I would say the most typical "child" of people in my group was ages 20-30, Bipolar and using drugs. Our daughter , thank the one above , wasn't/isn't a drug user, so I didn't stick with that group in my community. Your community group might be slightly different. But I noticed the commraderie was outstanding. One person told me if the group met on Tues and Tues happened to be Christmas, they still met. They met no matter what. He said "these parents are hurting badly." I totally get that.
     
  4. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Hopefully he will get into a shelter and take advantage of the mental health resources offered. They can assign a case worker to him who may be able to convince him to take the medications. You could call someone who works at the shelter to see what might happen. Is it the side effects from the medication or does he not realize he has a problem?
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Shelters dont do mental health. They give a person meals and a bed at night if the person follows their rules, like getting therevon top and not being intoxicated. I volunteered at a shelter. They DID have social workers visit and make job appointments and hand out trainb tickets to the next night's shelter (location rotated each night). Most visitors blew off the jobs) interviews. There were no consistent caseworkers. That requires SSI. Then you can get real services. But not in shelters.

    Our shelters were run by volunteers and most of the people who came were there for the church lady's delicious home cooked meals and the mattresses (we were in a church basement and had no beds.) We did have warm blankets and an ear for those who wanted to talk. There were board games, books, and donated clothes, including coats, boots, gloves, scarves etc. Anyone could take what was there. Sometimes we had new hygiene products donated from locsl stored, like Walmart. They donated A LOT.

    At 6am everyone had to leave. Often we packed them peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. That was what we did. Sometimes fights broke out and we had to call the cops, but not often.

    Most visitors were drug addicts and shared little about their lives.

    To get mental health services you needed to jump through a few hoops. Rehab too. Most did not show any interest. They were not interested in the system.

    It is not easy to get help. You usually need to go to a hospital and then get a referral. And of course hospitals only keep you for 72 hours...not long enough.

    Sadly, often jail gives the best mental health services to those who dont know the ins and outs of mental health. And who are indigent.That is why 1/3 of our homeless (or is it 2/3rds) are mentally ill.

    Our mental health system is shameful. Shame on us!! Our politicians vote themselves raises and our indigent mentally ill walk the streets or go to jsil to get help. Makes me shake my head.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2017