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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 703950" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think you are doing everything right. Textbook right. Every single thing you are telling him, sounds perfect. I was told to tell my son the truth about his background, as he would be able to understand it.We have very much in common. My son was taken from his birth mother's care because of the potential for abuse. He was 2 weeks old. I met him at 22 months and had adopted him legally when he was 2 and a half. His mother used multiple drugs. She had already had many other children, and my son's birth grandmother raised as many as she could. My son went to a crisis nursery. </p><p> My son, early on, had anxiety and ADHD. He had language delays, too. He had intensive intervention and pretty much always had an IEP, eventually ending up in non-public school, largely because of the anxiety.</p><p></p><p>We had no problems interpersonally beyond the normal. We have been extremely close. But when my son turned 15 or so we began to have more conflict. Which would be normal, but I am a single mother.</p><p>He has never been arrested. He is compassionate, to a fault. He does not look to get into trouble.</p><p></p><p>But I would be lying if I said the last 12 years have not been hard. He just turned 28. My son's depression and anger began in late teens, and he is little by little getting a handle on it. He did end up going on SSI a few years ago. Working for him in a regular job proved too stressful. For the past 10 months he has been working for us, remodeling houses, with my Significant Other.</p><p></p><p>When my son was 19 we discovered he had been born with Hep B. I think this was the factor that really pushed my son into mental illness. He felt an intense rage at his birth parents who he felt had made him toxic, damaged. Whose behavior had made him defective. When his liver conditioned worsened is when he seemed to be unable to fight to have a normal life.</p><p></p><p>Little by little he is trying to turn this around. I despair a lot. But I do think he is incrementally gaining a little motivation. </p><p></p><p>Our story serves as proof positive that telling the truth when they are able to understand it, has merit. Many, many times I doubted myself, especially when it caused him such distress about his identity, indeed, his very being. But then if I had concealed the basic facts, how could we have explained the Hep B diagnosis?</p><p></p><p>At the end of the day I believe that every person deserves to know who they are. So that they can make sense of it. Actually, I believe that is really a fundamental purpose of our lives. This has been very helpful for me to write this post. I have found some peace.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 703950, member: 18958"] I think you are doing everything right. Textbook right. Every single thing you are telling him, sounds perfect. I was told to tell my son the truth about his background, as he would be able to understand it.We have very much in common. My son was taken from his birth mother's care because of the potential for abuse. He was 2 weeks old. I met him at 22 months and had adopted him legally when he was 2 and a half. His mother used multiple drugs. She had already had many other children, and my son's birth grandmother raised as many as she could. My son went to a crisis nursery. My son, early on, had anxiety and ADHD. He had language delays, too. He had intensive intervention and pretty much always had an IEP, eventually ending up in non-public school, largely because of the anxiety. We had no problems interpersonally beyond the normal. We have been extremely close. But when my son turned 15 or so we began to have more conflict. Which would be normal, but I am a single mother. He has never been arrested. He is compassionate, to a fault. He does not look to get into trouble. But I would be lying if I said the last 12 years have not been hard. He just turned 28. My son's depression and anger began in late teens, and he is little by little getting a handle on it. He did end up going on SSI a few years ago. Working for him in a regular job proved too stressful. For the past 10 months he has been working for us, remodeling houses, with my Significant Other. When my son was 19 we discovered he had been born with Hep B. I think this was the factor that really pushed my son into mental illness. He felt an intense rage at his birth parents who he felt had made him toxic, damaged. Whose behavior had made him defective. When his liver conditioned worsened is when he seemed to be unable to fight to have a normal life. Little by little he is trying to turn this around. I despair a lot. But I do think he is incrementally gaining a little motivation. Our story serves as proof positive that telling the truth when they are able to understand it, has merit. Many, many times I doubted myself, especially when it caused him such distress about his identity, indeed, his very being. But then if I had concealed the basic facts, how could we have explained the Hep B diagnosis? At the end of the day I believe that every person deserves to know who they are. So that they can make sense of it. Actually, I believe that is really a fundamental purpose of our lives. This has been very helpful for me to write this post. I have found some peace. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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