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My job is making me sick
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 699101" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi CB. Of course you feel trapped. Anybody would. When I was at that awful job I left a couple of weeks ago I counted the days until I could leave, but I could leave and that made all of the difference. I am grateful I could leave now, but most of my life I worked at jobs I hated when I could not leave either. I think I understand some how you feel. </p><p></p><p>But there are alternatives to the way that you see your situation and yourself. First, I can tell by your posts that you are handling it way, way better than last year. </p><p></p><p>I will tell you where I think you have choices. First, giving that supervisor more power over you than you have to, and caring one way or another what she thinks. This is a job. At its most basic you trade your labor for money. What makes it an employer-employee relationship is the control by a boss over your job duties and how you do them. By going to work you accept the terms of the job or you leave. Any other way to see a job will cause us untold grief. For many years I had untold grief at work because I did not accept this truth. In fact I came to consider myself a Marxist--yes I did--because I found it so impossible to accept what I thought was abusive authority of an employer. I am slightly embarrassed to confess this because it makes me seem either batty or immature or radical, and I hope I am no longer any of these things. If you have a powerful union you have a chance of going against them. Nowadays, few of us are in this circumstance.</p><p></p><p>No matter how much it should be different, nobody besides those people who love us cares one way or another about our feelings. I have been smashed and betrayed in the workplace by people I believed I loved. </p><p></p><p>I learned. I adjusted my expectations. I am still learning. You may have seen my recent thread(s) about the learning process I have been undergoing. A job is trading my labor for money. Period. Anything else is icing on the cake. That does not excuse the abuse that occurs. Far from it. But we need to go to work understanding the terms. We are there to be exploited by employers to the extent that we allow. </p><p></p><p>I would not tell anybody at work you are anxious or sad or hate work or anything like that that will give them something to use against you. Nowadays, I try not to. Because I have learned that if I show my emotions they are used against me. </p><p></p><p>I had the illusion that professional work would be different. It is not. Even though I have been for the last 9 years an independent contractor, where I am not an employee, cannot be told how to work or when, I am exposed to the same kinds of attitudes and control. This is not to say that this is right. But I have found it is reality.</p><p></p><p>So what to do? First thing is begin to try to see yourself as captain of your ship, not as a victim. You are a loving and responsible mother who puts first always the needs of your children. Acknowledge this. Acknowledge yourself for your responsibility and love and self-sacrifice. You are not somebody who would ever put yourself first, if you felt it would put others at risk or at a disadvantage.</p><p></p><p>If you begin to see the job as it really is--trading labor for money--it puts it in perspective. You are not there to feel good, to make friends, or any other thing except to make money and get benefits. The job does not define you. You define you. Nobody there defines you. You define yourself. Nobody's feelings about you or word to you define you. Even if they are in Spanish and cannot understand them.</p><p></p><p>Most of all you are not responsible if others treat you poorly. They are. Even if they can define the situation as your fault to themselves and to others, does not make what they do right or make it true. </p><p></p><p>I had a boss (many of them, actually) that tried to get me in trouble. Meanwhile he was stealing from the State hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. I knew it. Others knew it. Until it got so big that it could not be concealed. After 20 years of this scam he got exposed and fired. Maybe even worse. He had the highest job in my work site. He was a fraud and imposter who tried to abuse his authority with me. Of course he would do that? Why wouldn't he? He was corrupt. That is what corrupt people do. It is not your fault. It is not my fault. Our job is to protect ourselves emotionally and every other way. It is nobody else's responsibility to do this. Only ours. I learned this very late in life. I am still learning it. And I don't even need to think I am a Marxist anymore. I can just change myself. How much easier. (I even got an FBI file along the way. Stupid me.)</p><p></p><p></p><p>I really think jet has the right idea. What she did was give her life purpose. The job was just something she did to take care of her family. Her real life was them--and herself. Her real purpose: her martial arts. With this she made everything that happened in the job just so much noise. Without real meaning and importance to her. How wise you are, Jet.</p><p></p><p>I do not mean to excuse these horrible bosses, but it is to put them into perspective. They are typically small and trapped people themselves who are trying to make themselves into big people by the little bit of power they have. It is a very human response. But how sad for them. You would never, ever do that.</p><p></p><p>I hope you will see yourself how I see you, as a heroine. I wish you would claim your power which is there. In you. Your dignity. Your responsibility and strength. So you get anxious? (I am not minimizing here. I have anxiety so great I cannot drive more than 10 minutes from my home.) But anxiety is not corruption. It is not meanness. It is not irresponsibility. You do not deserve one bit of mistreatment or disregard from anybody. That you receive it has not a thing in the world to do with you. It is their weakness and pettiness. You can begin to see it that way. They deserve your pity, at best. To keep our jobs as long as we need them, we need to conform minimally to their expectations, which however dumb they are, are their right to make (unless we have strong unions and a good labor contract, which they violate.) We can learn how to advocate for ourselves and to take what they do in a way that is not as demoralizing or degrading. They are not important or powerful. You are.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 699101, member: 18958"] Hi CB. Of course you feel trapped. Anybody would. When I was at that awful job I left a couple of weeks ago I counted the days until I could leave, but I could leave and that made all of the difference. I am grateful I could leave now, but most of my life I worked at jobs I hated when I could not leave either. I think I understand some how you feel. But there are alternatives to the way that you see your situation and yourself. First, I can tell by your posts that you are handling it way, way better than last year. I will tell you where I think you have choices. First, giving that supervisor more power over you than you have to, and caring one way or another what she thinks. This is a job. At its most basic you trade your labor for money. What makes it an employer-employee relationship is the control by a boss over your job duties and how you do them. By going to work you accept the terms of the job or you leave. Any other way to see a job will cause us untold grief. For many years I had untold grief at work because I did not accept this truth. In fact I came to consider myself a Marxist--yes I did--because I found it so impossible to accept what I thought was abusive authority of an employer. I am slightly embarrassed to confess this because it makes me seem either batty or immature or radical, and I hope I am no longer any of these things. If you have a powerful union you have a chance of going against them. Nowadays, few of us are in this circumstance. No matter how much it should be different, nobody besides those people who love us cares one way or another about our feelings. I have been smashed and betrayed in the workplace by people I believed I loved. I learned. I adjusted my expectations. I am still learning. You may have seen my recent thread(s) about the learning process I have been undergoing. A job is trading my labor for money. Period. Anything else is icing on the cake. That does not excuse the abuse that occurs. Far from it. But we need to go to work understanding the terms. We are there to be exploited by employers to the extent that we allow. I would not tell anybody at work you are anxious or sad or hate work or anything like that that will give them something to use against you. Nowadays, I try not to. Because I have learned that if I show my emotions they are used against me. I had the illusion that professional work would be different. It is not. Even though I have been for the last 9 years an independent contractor, where I am not an employee, cannot be told how to work or when, I am exposed to the same kinds of attitudes and control. This is not to say that this is right. But I have found it is reality. So what to do? First thing is begin to try to see yourself as captain of your ship, not as a victim. You are a loving and responsible mother who puts first always the needs of your children. Acknowledge this. Acknowledge yourself for your responsibility and love and self-sacrifice. You are not somebody who would ever put yourself first, if you felt it would put others at risk or at a disadvantage. If you begin to see the job as it really is--trading labor for money--it puts it in perspective. You are not there to feel good, to make friends, or any other thing except to make money and get benefits. The job does not define you. You define you. Nobody there defines you. You define yourself. Nobody's feelings about you or word to you define you. Even if they are in Spanish and cannot understand them. Most of all you are not responsible if others treat you poorly. They are. Even if they can define the situation as your fault to themselves and to others, does not make what they do right or make it true. I had a boss (many of them, actually) that tried to get me in trouble. Meanwhile he was stealing from the State hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. I knew it. Others knew it. Until it got so big that it could not be concealed. After 20 years of this scam he got exposed and fired. Maybe even worse. He had the highest job in my work site. He was a fraud and imposter who tried to abuse his authority with me. Of course he would do that? Why wouldn't he? He was corrupt. That is what corrupt people do. It is not your fault. It is not my fault. Our job is to protect ourselves emotionally and every other way. It is nobody else's responsibility to do this. Only ours. I learned this very late in life. I am still learning it. And I don't even need to think I am a Marxist anymore. I can just change myself. How much easier. (I even got an FBI file along the way. Stupid me.) I really think jet has the right idea. What she did was give her life purpose. The job was just something she did to take care of her family. Her real life was them--and herself. Her real purpose: her martial arts. With this she made everything that happened in the job just so much noise. Without real meaning and importance to her. How wise you are, Jet. I do not mean to excuse these horrible bosses, but it is to put them into perspective. They are typically small and trapped people themselves who are trying to make themselves into big people by the little bit of power they have. It is a very human response. But how sad for them. You would never, ever do that. I hope you will see yourself how I see you, as a heroine. I wish you would claim your power which is there. In you. Your dignity. Your responsibility and strength. So you get anxious? (I am not minimizing here. I have anxiety so great I cannot drive more than 10 minutes from my home.) But anxiety is not corruption. It is not meanness. It is not irresponsibility. You do not deserve one bit of mistreatment or disregard from anybody. That you receive it has not a thing in the world to do with you. It is their weakness and pettiness. You can begin to see it that way. They deserve your pity, at best. To keep our jobs as long as we need them, we need to conform minimally to their expectations, which however dumb they are, are their right to make (unless we have strong unions and a good labor contract, which they violate.) We can learn how to advocate for ourselves and to take what they do in a way that is not as demoralizing or degrading. They are not important or powerful. You are. [/QUOTE]
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