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My life is a wreck and therefore so is my parenting
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 722414" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>((((((((((hugs))))))))))</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that things are so hard right now!! I have been where you are and I know how rough it is!! You are NOT alone!!!</p><p></p><p>Tell your ex to go suck an egg!!! He is a big blowhard who doesn't know what he is talking about!!!!!!! I am completely serious here. It is super easy to cast blame and tell people what they are doing wrong when you only have to see a child for a couple of hours one day a week. Disneyland Dad much? Park the kid in front of a screen or whatever else they like and you can ignore them and whatever problem they might have.</p><p></p><p>Plus the kid doesn't know you or feel comfortable with you, so the kid holds it together in front of you the way she would with any stranger who comes by now and then and gives presents. Then the kid comes home all overstimulated and falls apart all over Mom! Mom who has care of the kids 24/7 with no support or days off. </p><p></p><p>Mom who has to deal with all of this super challenging behavior, has to keep the kid safe, has to figure out what is wrong and then convince the rest of the world that something is going on and to help fix it. All the time there is the big idiot in the background telling Mom that if anything is wrong it is because Mom broke the kid with bad parenting. </p><p></p><p>What Mom wouldn't be a bit of a basket case by this point??? I was married to my husband but still had to deal with all the kid stuff alone. He was afraid he would get mad and hurt our son when our son had one of his rages. So my hubby would leave the room when my son started to rage or have any kind of problem. I got to handle them all by my lonesome. I became a wreck, trust me. Of course my hubby didn't fully believe me when I told him how bad things had gotten. My son kept telling him that I exaggerated and lied about him, and after hearing that a few hundred times, my hubby didn't know what to believe. His son? Or the bruises all over his wife? Gee, hmmm, that's hard. NOT. Then I made him start dealing with our son because he was bigger than I was. Hubby still wasn't any help, but he saw what was happening and it stopped the triangulating.</p><p></p><p>So you see, you are not the only one to become a wreck. I ended up at the domestic violence center for counseling. It wasn't what they expected, but it was DV and they did help me a LOT. It was even free, which was what I could afford. </p><p></p><p>What helps when you are stressed? Have you had a therapist that helped in the past? Can you contact her again? What about guided meditation? There are some great ones on youtube, I am told, that are free. What about a new counselor? What could help now to take the pressure off? Want me to send you a big roll of duct tape for your ex's mouth? You probably have duct tape. Tell him to keep his opinions to himself. You don't want them or care about them. He clearly doesn't care about helping your child, and he won't acknowledge the problems, so why bother talking to him or listening to him? That saves you some time each week to do something more fun, like cleaning the lint out of your belly button. Surely even that is more fun than dealing with him.</p><p></p><p>If nothing else, find something funny to laugh at or about each day. Something your daughter says or does or enjoys. Something funny on tv. Even if you don't feel like laughing, try to laugh. It really does help. I have no idea why, but it really can. </p><p></p><p>Keep coming here and reading and posting. We won't get tired of you or think you are whiny or anything like that. We have been in the trenches to, and we understand. We are here for you, and we want to help, to support you. When we were at our lowest, we came here and other moms and dads who had been there helped us. There is no obligation or timeline for you to do anything. Just know that we are here for you anytime you need us.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 722414, member: 1233"] ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) I am so sorry that things are so hard right now!! I have been where you are and I know how rough it is!! You are NOT alone!!! Tell your ex to go suck an egg!!! He is a big blowhard who doesn't know what he is talking about!!!!!!! I am completely serious here. It is super easy to cast blame and tell people what they are doing wrong when you only have to see a child for a couple of hours one day a week. Disneyland Dad much? Park the kid in front of a screen or whatever else they like and you can ignore them and whatever problem they might have. Plus the kid doesn't know you or feel comfortable with you, so the kid holds it together in front of you the way she would with any stranger who comes by now and then and gives presents. Then the kid comes home all overstimulated and falls apart all over Mom! Mom who has care of the kids 24/7 with no support or days off. Mom who has to deal with all of this super challenging behavior, has to keep the kid safe, has to figure out what is wrong and then convince the rest of the world that something is going on and to help fix it. All the time there is the big idiot in the background telling Mom that if anything is wrong it is because Mom broke the kid with bad parenting. What Mom wouldn't be a bit of a basket case by this point??? I was married to my husband but still had to deal with all the kid stuff alone. He was afraid he would get mad and hurt our son when our son had one of his rages. So my hubby would leave the room when my son started to rage or have any kind of problem. I got to handle them all by my lonesome. I became a wreck, trust me. Of course my hubby didn't fully believe me when I told him how bad things had gotten. My son kept telling him that I exaggerated and lied about him, and after hearing that a few hundred times, my hubby didn't know what to believe. His son? Or the bruises all over his wife? Gee, hmmm, that's hard. NOT. Then I made him start dealing with our son because he was bigger than I was. Hubby still wasn't any help, but he saw what was happening and it stopped the triangulating. So you see, you are not the only one to become a wreck. I ended up at the domestic violence center for counseling. It wasn't what they expected, but it was DV and they did help me a LOT. It was even free, which was what I could afford. What helps when you are stressed? Have you had a therapist that helped in the past? Can you contact her again? What about guided meditation? There are some great ones on youtube, I am told, that are free. What about a new counselor? What could help now to take the pressure off? Want me to send you a big roll of duct tape for your ex's mouth? You probably have duct tape. Tell him to keep his opinions to himself. You don't want them or care about them. He clearly doesn't care about helping your child, and he won't acknowledge the problems, so why bother talking to him or listening to him? That saves you some time each week to do something more fun, like cleaning the lint out of your belly button. Surely even that is more fun than dealing with him. If nothing else, find something funny to laugh at or about each day. Something your daughter says or does or enjoys. Something funny on tv. Even if you don't feel like laughing, try to laugh. It really does help. I have no idea why, but it really can. Keep coming here and reading and posting. We won't get tired of you or think you are whiny or anything like that. We have been in the trenches to, and we understand. We are here for you, and we want to help, to support you. When we were at our lowest, we came here and other moms and dads who had been there helped us. There is no obligation or timeline for you to do anything. Just know that we are here for you anytime you need us. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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