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My life is a wreck and therefore so is my parenting
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 722985" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Getting help is the right thing when you are at your wit's end! It can be just seeing a therapist though. I do know that when we were older, my mom would go to a Motel 6 type place for a mental health break. There are big cities about an hour away from us, so she would go there so that we could not just stop in to visit her! She is a smart lady because we totally would have! Especially in summer when the motel in our little town was new and had a nice pool! Sometimes just being unreachable for a night or two was enough. Or a week if she had grades due at the end of a semester and hadn't projects turned in at the end of the semester (she was a professor).</p><p></p><p>You will be surprised at how much posting here regularly and maybe seeing a therapist will help. Also, start a notebook to communicate with your ex and do NOT talk to him. Drop the kids off and DO NOT get out of the car. Let him figure out what needs to be done from what the notebook says. He will want to chat, but you will drive away. That is POWER! The power to leave feels awsome to you and he will HATE it. He can write anything he needs to say in the notebook. If he writes abusive stuff about how awful you are down, then you have EVIDENCE for the therapist and the COURT. Make sure to photocopy what he writes, or scan it into your computer. If he ever tries to get custody or prove you are unfit as a parent, then you have evidence he is abusive. He will tear out those pages. If you have copies, it will surprise him and shock him! You are not supposed to be one up on him! Boo Hoo for Him!! This style of drop off with no talking is good for one other thing. It stops your kids from seeing him tear you down to your face. It lets them see you stop him from abusing you. He can rant to them, but not to you. This is good for them. It teaches them that they don't have to tolerate abuse, that they can just refuse to listen to it. </p><p></p><p>I know it is hard right now. Check into finding a therapist. I know it is hard to find a the money for a therapist. Call and ask if they have sliding scales for payment. MANY do or they wouldn't have patients, trust me. Also, if there is a university near you, look up the psychology department and call to see if they have a clinic. You will have a graduate student most likely (someone with a Bachelors degree who is studying for a Master's or Ph D and wants to be a therapist), and they video tape the sessions. NOT to let just anyone see them. You still have an absolute right to confidentiality in your sessions. It is to let a licensed therapist (one, not a lot of them) watch the session and then give the student feedback as to how to help you more effectively. I have found this to be the best form of therapy I have ever found. I have seen a LOT of therapists and this was just amazing. The students really wanted to do the best they could for me, to help me, and not just for their grade. The professor who was grading them wanted to help them do their best and to learn. The best way to do this was to give them the best feedback, which made my experience better. Don't let the idea of the video turn you away from this. It really isn't obtrusive and it makes the whole experience much better. </p><p></p><p>Another way to find help when you cannot afford it is a county mental health clinic. I know my little podunk nowhere county has one, so I think most counties do. If you don't know how to find one, call the Health Department for your county and ask if they know how to reach it or the name of it. Or ask the person who answers the phone at the police department. They ALWAYS have info on the mental health system. It may take a few minutes as they find it, if they have a crisis, but someone there knows; They send more people for help than anyone else ever does. Plus they deal with more people with mental health issues than anyone else. They usually have the info to give families in crisis. </p><p></p><p>You can also Google the name of your county and "mental health clinic" and usually get an answer. Be sure to take proof of your address with you. Your driver's license if it has a current address, or a utility bill or phone bill mailed to you or other bill mailed to you is usually enough.</p><p></p><p>I hope this info helps. Know that we are here for you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 722985, member: 1233"] Getting help is the right thing when you are at your wit's end! It can be just seeing a therapist though. I do know that when we were older, my mom would go to a Motel 6 type place for a mental health break. There are big cities about an hour away from us, so she would go there so that we could not just stop in to visit her! She is a smart lady because we totally would have! Especially in summer when the motel in our little town was new and had a nice pool! Sometimes just being unreachable for a night or two was enough. Or a week if she had grades due at the end of a semester and hadn't projects turned in at the end of the semester (she was a professor). You will be surprised at how much posting here regularly and maybe seeing a therapist will help. Also, start a notebook to communicate with your ex and do NOT talk to him. Drop the kids off and DO NOT get out of the car. Let him figure out what needs to be done from what the notebook says. He will want to chat, but you will drive away. That is POWER! The power to leave feels awsome to you and he will HATE it. He can write anything he needs to say in the notebook. If he writes abusive stuff about how awful you are down, then you have EVIDENCE for the therapist and the COURT. Make sure to photocopy what he writes, or scan it into your computer. If he ever tries to get custody or prove you are unfit as a parent, then you have evidence he is abusive. He will tear out those pages. If you have copies, it will surprise him and shock him! You are not supposed to be one up on him! Boo Hoo for Him!! This style of drop off with no talking is good for one other thing. It stops your kids from seeing him tear you down to your face. It lets them see you stop him from abusing you. He can rant to them, but not to you. This is good for them. It teaches them that they don't have to tolerate abuse, that they can just refuse to listen to it. I know it is hard right now. Check into finding a therapist. I know it is hard to find a the money for a therapist. Call and ask if they have sliding scales for payment. MANY do or they wouldn't have patients, trust me. Also, if there is a university near you, look up the psychology department and call to see if they have a clinic. You will have a graduate student most likely (someone with a Bachelors degree who is studying for a Master's or Ph D and wants to be a therapist), and they video tape the sessions. NOT to let just anyone see them. You still have an absolute right to confidentiality in your sessions. It is to let a licensed therapist (one, not a lot of them) watch the session and then give the student feedback as to how to help you more effectively. I have found this to be the best form of therapy I have ever found. I have seen a LOT of therapists and this was just amazing. The students really wanted to do the best they could for me, to help me, and not just for their grade. The professor who was grading them wanted to help them do their best and to learn. The best way to do this was to give them the best feedback, which made my experience better. Don't let the idea of the video turn you away from this. It really isn't obtrusive and it makes the whole experience much better. Another way to find help when you cannot afford it is a county mental health clinic. I know my little podunk nowhere county has one, so I think most counties do. If you don't know how to find one, call the Health Department for your county and ask if they know how to reach it or the name of it. Or ask the person who answers the phone at the police department. They ALWAYS have info on the mental health system. It may take a few minutes as they find it, if they have a crisis, but someone there knows; They send more people for help than anyone else ever does. Plus they deal with more people with mental health issues than anyone else. They usually have the info to give families in crisis. You can also Google the name of your county and "mental health clinic" and usually get an answer. Be sure to take proof of your address with you. Your driver's license if it has a current address, or a utility bill or phone bill mailed to you or other bill mailed to you is usually enough. I hope this info helps. Know that we are here for you! [/QUOTE]
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