My life is so quiet, I feel guilty coming here...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mom2oddson, Oct 14, 2010.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    It's so strange how life has turned out. difficult child-A (Ant) is out on his own. He's in an apartment with a friend. Not sure how long he'll be there since he got fired from his job, but he's doing things on his own and living with his consequences. He comes over to visit once in a while. But that is it. There is no more drama with him.

    difficult child-S (Steph) is still living with the Evil mother in law. Steph has NOTHING to do with us. She won't talk to us or return a call or visit. She's disowned us. And neither husband or I want anything to do with mother in law. She can have our money but that's all she is getting from us. husband has even started to refer to his Mom by her name not "mom". I think that relationship is just about done.

    easy child is off at college and doing well.

    So, our life is very quiet... our biggest drama is how to pet three dogs when you only have two hands.

    And I don't know if it's a yin-yang thing or what, but I've noticed that for every negative is my life, there is a positive that balances it out. For the mother in law from he!! there is a fantastic husband. For the job that takes husband away for months on end, there is a love that grows stronger everyday. For his parents that stabbed us in the back while smiling, we have my parents that have our back thru thick and thin. For the difficult child (steph) that caused so much pain, there is now a house with no drama.

    It's hard having no drama in my house. I feel like a fish out of water. I don't know what to do without the constant turmoil. And I feel quilty being here when my life is so quiet. Yet, I know that I am welcome here. And....I've been here long enough to know to enjoy the quiet because with difficult child's it doesn't stay quiet for long. Somewhere down the road, the stuff will hit the fan and we will have to duck quickly to avoid being hit by it.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Enjoy the quiet! Like you said, it eventually returns.

    I am praying that I get quiet by the first of the year. If I do, I think I am going to run around naked for a week. LOL.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know, First - I'm going to paint a sign with your words. Our biggest drama is how to pet three dogs when you only have two hands. I LOVE IT!!! I want it on a rustic board with fancy lettering for my den, in our new house. OUR house - the house without conflama, chaos, tears of pain, angst, bitter, ugly, hurting - everything. Thank you for that. (((((((((hugs))))))))) I'm sure only husband and I will know what it means. Okay an you, and you and you. lol - snort.

    I can remember going to therapy after Dude moved out the first time at 16. Not when he ran away or, was placed....but when he chose to go. Even though he went to the group home from Hades? It was HIS choice. - because I was so distraught at his near empty room. I sat on his bed sobbing, hugging his pillow. Smelling it, sobbing those awful inhaling crying sobs. Only to hear the caseworker tell me as Dude left his words were "I couldn't WAIT to get out of there away from HER." It cut like a knife. There to follow shortly? My invention of conflama. Odd huh?

    My brain couldn't handle the peace, the quite the calm of it all. Even though we were still going to therapy and I to individual therapy? I needed the chaos, but had no idea I thrived on it. Not until it was pointed out Occupational Therapist (OT) me. The therapist said I was almost "inventing" stuff to keep my life going. Filling the void as it were. I was astounded at my ridiculousness. Even more astounded at his accusation...until DF pointed out things I had to admit I had been doing. I was argumentative, slighly combative, edgy - (yeah more so than usual), and until it was pointed out? I just could NOT calm down. Now? OMG Now I'm mellow, fun, almost too fun....but I can be serious when I have to be.

    I don't have any more of the guilty feelings, but when I think of Dude? When I think of him and know he's making YET AGAIN dumb choices? Yeah it pangs me. It's like a long exhale, with a twisted lip or a long draw of my hand over my face ---just thinking - AND HOW many times will THIS have to happen before he THINKS, or GETS 'IT" or figures it out BEFORE he's arrested, or hurt or........and then I shake my head hoping to get the morbidity out of my head. Like knowing he's almost been killed twice now - once by a bus while riding his bike and once being hit by a car....and lets not forget getting the wrong medication in surgery and nearly dying from an allergic reaction. yeah - THOSE things I have a hard time getting over, but I keep repeating - HIS choices HIS choices. And try to remember I am NOT in control of the choices HE has made.

    Some days I actually enjoy my peace, and when I come here now? I think - Not so much guilt over my peace - but HOW can I help someone today? What could I say to make someone smile? Like - my oranges and prostitute joke.....which I CAN NOT TELL HERE. (but PM me your email) It will make you smile - or blush. Depending - it's implied humor. Maybe you need a good chuckle today? I know I won't be eating any oranges for a few days. lol.

  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    please post more!! we can live vicariously through you!!! :)

    good 4 u!!! you have survived and lived to tell the tale. you give us all hope LOL