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My little sister called husband and it bombed
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 652452" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>As someone who went to therapy with my hubby due to difficult child c r a p, I can tell you that the first thing she told us was to go on vacation. In the middle of insanity, that was her advice. And it was tres difficult. I had to get very creative to make that happen with layers and layers of help from many people. Then she told us that someday your children will be grown and gone and all you will have is each other. That made a lot of sense to me. Even couples without Difficult Child fall victim to this. One or both live for their children and when the children leave, they don't know each other, how to interact with one another, etc. I found out something curious about my husband, some very minor thing (from my perspective) that was annoying him greatly through therapy. I was shocked. Something so easy to change, so I changed it. And we both had to learn to compromise and change our thinking with reference to difficult child. We both had to learn to remember that WE took the priority in the house..,our relationship as husband as wife. The reason being is our difficult child had/has an almost constant crisis, major, minor etc. some crisis of some kind at all times...so she can no longer be front and central. </p><p>My husband and I and our health and marriage are front and central. The only possible exception (s) would be if it is a matter of life and death and if it something of a very immediate nature. So....our birthdays, our anniversary, Valentine's Day etc. are all super important, almost holy days around here and difficult child can have a crisis if she wants, but it better WAIT, because our needs, our marriage, our health comes FIRST. I know this about husband and he knows this about me. Over the years, husband and I have taken turns being the primary helper for difficult child, but in recent years, that help has reduced overall. We have placed MUCH needed boundaries in the help department and will likely place even more in a few years. I'm NOT making light of any of this. Even though my husband is very nice and easy going, all of this has been profoundly difficult and time consuming, but very worth it. Sending good thoughts your way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 652452, member: 4152"] As someone who went to therapy with my hubby due to difficult child c r a p, I can tell you that the first thing she told us was to go on vacation. In the middle of insanity, that was her advice. And it was tres difficult. I had to get very creative to make that happen with layers and layers of help from many people. Then she told us that someday your children will be grown and gone and all you will have is each other. That made a lot of sense to me. Even couples without Difficult Child fall victim to this. One or both live for their children and when the children leave, they don't know each other, how to interact with one another, etc. I found out something curious about my husband, some very minor thing (from my perspective) that was annoying him greatly through therapy. I was shocked. Something so easy to change, so I changed it. And we both had to learn to compromise and change our thinking with reference to difficult child. We both had to learn to remember that WE took the priority in the house..,our relationship as husband as wife. The reason being is our difficult child had/has an almost constant crisis, major, minor etc. some crisis of some kind at all times...so she can no longer be front and central. My husband and I and our health and marriage are front and central. The only possible exception (s) would be if it is a matter of life and death and if it something of a very immediate nature. So....our birthdays, our anniversary, Valentine's Day etc. are all super important, almost holy days around here and difficult child can have a crisis if she wants, but it better WAIT, because our needs, our marriage, our health comes FIRST. I know this about husband and he knows this about me. Over the years, husband and I have taken turns being the primary helper for difficult child, but in recent years, that help has reduced overall. We have placed MUCH needed boundaries in the help department and will likely place even more in a few years. I'm NOT making light of any of this. Even though my husband is very nice and easy going, all of this has been profoundly difficult and time consuming, but very worth it. Sending good thoughts your way. [/QUOTE]
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My little sister called husband and it bombed
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