My mom

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, May 31, 2009.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member


    so my mom has emphysema, she was diagnosis'd years ago. It's been getting progressively worse and she continues to smoke over a pack a day of cigarettes.

    Last night they had to try to get her to the hospital, she wasn't able to breath. My brother said by the time they got into the car she turned blue and wasn't able to take any breaths at all. My brother had to call 911 and they sent an ambulance and walked him through what to do for her meanwhile to induce breathing.

    Its very sad. I woke up to the phone call, and it sat in me all day than tongiht once i was still, kids in bed, it hit me. She's going to go out very badly, my brother is going to go through alot with-her with this. I am very far away now, not like it used to be with me 5 minutes away.

    I felt kinda guilty that I am so far away. They had to give her oxygen last night to get her breathing again.

    Needless to say after hearing my brother's voice I smoked only 6 today, and tmrw will be less until their totally gone.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Jen - I'm sorry. I lost my mom to lung cancer when I was 19 (with three younger sisters) and I wasn't allowed to come home from school (they thought she'd feel guilty).

    Don't allow yourself to feel guilt based on location.

    Feel better - we're here for you!

  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Beth i'm so sorry I never knew that. That had to be so hard. I think I just feel so bad for my brother it will all fall on him. It began last night. He was pretty upset. my step father has alot of anxiety and absolutely adores my mom i'm sure this is killing him too.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for all of you.
    My mom died of lung cancer and squamous cell carcinoma (2 primary sites). It was horrid.
    She and my dad used to get into fights about her smoking.
    Of course once she was diagnosis'd, he stopped saying anything.

    We all make choices in life. Smoking is an addiction but it can be beaten. Your mom doesn't seem to want to, for whatever reason.

    I'm sending support, and the ability to let go. It's so hard. I've been there.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Good for you for trying to quit- I found that the gunm was useful for me. The patch didn't help me at all. Maybe you can do it without any help!!

    And that isn't to ignore what is going on with your Mom- I'm very sorry she is going thru that and that you are dealing with this.
  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm so sorry about your mom and your brother. It's very difficult if you aren't used to folks who are ill, to watch and not know what to do. I know my brother and sisters are grateful to have someone who tends to know what to do in an emergency.
    It's hard to know the balance between obligation to parents and to your kids. I always feel I'm walking that tightrope but I try to be more involved with which ever has the greatest need at the time. I don't want regrets later on. Sometimes though regrets are inevitable.
    Keep being a support to your brother. See if he can talk to mom's doctor about what to do when things go wrong so he has a plan. It gives some peace of mind if you know what to do.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sooooooooooooooo sorry. My very best friend, God rest her soul, was a heavy smoker who didn't quit even when she had cancer. She would be on oxygen and smoke. My hub smokes on the sneak, and it makes me so sad. I know what smoking will do to him if he doesn't quit--there is heart disease in his family. He says it is so hard to quit. He has tried five times.

    I'm so sorry you went through this long-distance. It's always so hard when a loved one is far away. It is a helpless feeling. (((Hugs)))
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I quit several years back using the gum before it became available OTC. That lasted until a wonderful winter that husband spent bouncing back and forth between the "Sandbox" and various jungles.

    All I knew at the time was that he was getting shot at and didn't like it very much at all.

    This time around I couldn't use the gum because my upper teeth sit in a glass overnight and the gum sticks something fierce.

    I tried the patch and turned out to be allergic to the adhesive.

    Instead I wound up going with the lozenges. I figured it was p i s s or get off the pot time.

    I couldn't use weight gain as an excuse, not after putting on better than fifty lbs courtesy of taking APs for the bipolar.

    Heck. I was already fat. Now I'm fat and smoke-free.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I'm so sorry for you. Those middle of the night calls are just awful. My best get well wishes to your Mom. Trying to stop smoking after so many years is possible but feels impossible. She's got quite a task ahead of her, and like you said it's going to effect your brother profoundly - just call him and give your support. They both are going to need it.

    I lost my Father to cigarettes. I hope your Mom sees this as a reprieve and gets herself healthy.

  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Jen}} I'm so sorry about your mom, and your brother having to handle things, and that you're feeling guilty. Please try not to feel guilty.

    When my dad was going through the end stages of his cancer (also related to smoking), he lived out in Arizona - nearly 3000 miles away from my siblings and me. Before he went home to pass away in AZ, he had been at John Hopkins in Baltimore MD, which is where I visited him months earlier.

    I am sure that by letting your brother and stepdad know you're thinking of them and love them, even if you can't be there with them, that will bring them some comfort. Each of us can only do what we can at any given time - try not to waste yours feeling guilty about the circumstances of your location. You are with them in your heart. Sending hugs~
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Your poor mother....I am so sorry....cigarrettes are one of the greatest evils. It's the only product I know that when used correctly will kill you.

    Please be strong for your family and quit while you still can.

    Sending (((((hugs)))))

  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Is there any way to get a video hook up on your computer. They have pretty inexpensive ones now. My mother in law keeps pushing us to get one.

    But maybe your Brother can get your Mom on one as well and you guys can talk once a week to each other this way?
    My mother in law's sister is pretty sick and this is how they share in each other's lives every Sunday.
    It is actually pretty funny watching them talk. Our girls love talking to Aunt P as well.

    Maybe it is something to look into. I have no idea what my mother in law's idea of cheap is either?

    Hang in there and I am proud of you for cutting back on the cig's
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My dad has emphysema too and was diagnosed back in 1990. He had smoked most of his life I guess. He quit smoking when he got diagnosed and he has done really well since then. He is now 83 and still isnt on oxygen. He just takes medications for it..some pills and an inhaler. Now if I could only quit! He is always on me to
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks guys. I"m so sorry for all of you with whom have lost family members due to smoking. It is so sad, and i appreciate the support.

    Yet i have to be honest my mother is so self centered it's sort of astonishing. Shes' still smoking. When she talked of my brother that night she stated there was no need for him to call you or anyone he's so silly, sort of laughing. I said to her do you not understand it's stressful for him?? no response from her.

    it just kinda leaves me with my mouth hanging open.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry about your mom's health and lack of appreciation for your worrying and for your brother's care of her.

    Your post made me remember a line from Criminal Minds. The brainiac character, Dr. Spencer Reed is playing slots and a woman sits next to him. The lady lights up a cigarette and Reed says "Seven Minutes".

    He then says that he used to say that every time his mom lit up. It meant that a cigarette takes that many minutes off of your life, so each cigarette was a choice to lose 7 minutes of his life that she could be sharing.

    I don't know if there actually is a set number of minutes each cigarette takes off your life, but it does make it easier to see the choice you are making and some of the input on your life and your family's life.

    I don't know what methods you have tried, but I know that several of my relatives do very well with Chantix. But others here have had side effects.

    I hope your brother can hire in some help to take care of your mom. Or, if it is appropriate, get hospice in to help.
  16. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am sorry about your mom. How is she doing now? What about your brother?
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I watched a couple of uncles die nastily form emphysema. My father was diagnosed with emphysema and made the choice to quit smoking. He'd been told he had five years to live. So he quit, cold turkey. No patches or gum back then. He did what you'redoing - kept one pack and avoided using it. Instead, other people would bludge a cigarette off him and when they were gone he considered he had quit.

    He retired from work a couple of years later and immediately joined a gym and began working out. He kept himself fit, eventually installed a home gym in his garage at the home he and mum moved to, overlooking the ocean. He would rise before dawn and throw open his garage doors so he could work out while he watched the sun rise over the ocean. He stayed in good health despite emphysema, for 16 years. Then he got shingles and was put on prednisone to cut the inflammation. The prednisone suppressed his immune system and a long-dormant TB developed, from 50 years earlier (during WWII). It collapsed his lung which required surgery to re-inflate. He caught a serious infection from the heart-lung machine, and it was that infection that eventually killed him, two years later. But despite his last two year struggle, he was still happier and healthier than if he had not done something about his emphysema. His struggle to breathe was different, still bad but he fought well. Each breath was a slow, steady effort which he managed. Emphysema, by contrast, has always seemed to be an erratic, terrifying struggle with frequent pauses just to catch breath.

    My dad proved that you can change your outcome. If he hadn't got shingles, he would have probably continued with good quality of life for another decade or so.