My Mom

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Apr 14, 2011.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My mom and I have been emailing. I haven't seen much of her since July when I had to put limits in place on interaction with gfgbro. We are doing much, much better with each other than we were.

    It is nice to be talking easily with each other again. More and more I am seeing how the poison exsil spreads caused problems between us. I have a feeling that exsil got a lot more poison about me into my mom's mind that she realizes.

    Right now my parents have my niece at least half the time because gfgbro is not allowed to be alone in a room with her thanks to lies from exsil. I am not shocked because I fully expected it. She started this back in early March or late Feb and blew off a court date 2 days ago. She just didn't show because she couldn't drive because she had a medical procedure the day before. Didn't call her lawyer OR return her lawyer's calls either. But that just meant that they postponed the court date for another 6 weeks.

    ever since gfgbro brought her home as his girlfriend my mom has gone out of her way to be nice and find positive explanations for even the most devious nasty behavior (like thensil telling me she got an rx for her strep throat by giving oral sex to a doctor she worked with at the hospital, and getting the rx for free by giving the pharmacist the same thing). My mom is blessed and cursed to always look for the good in people and care for them in spite of their bad points.

    But now exsil is doing all she can to hurt gfgbro, likely to try to tank his second try at grad school because if he gets a degree he would be able to make decent $$ and would be "better off" than her in her mind. She tells niece what to say and niece does but also tells the court that mommy told her to say it and she doesn't know if it is true. The atty says the postponements are typical and not a bad thing because they will show that gfgbro is willing to follow the court rulings and do whatever is needed for his little girl.

    Right now my mom is so angry she wants to maim and then kill exsil. This is VERY out of norm for her and has only happened a couple of other times ever. Only when someone went out of their way to hurt one of us on purpose has this happened.

    She is going to go back Occupational Therapist (OT) her old therapist if she is still in practice or is going to find a new one because she sees that this isn't good forher. She is still not saying bad things about exsil around niece, and will NEVER do this because niece is half exsil's dna and it would make niece feel bad about herself.

    But we have uncovered some serious neglect recently and we are also scared for niece. It is NOT okay to let your 7yo ride her small bike with training wheels down a major state highway, the busiest road through town with a 40-55 mph speed, with her dog, all by herself. I know at age 6-7 I was allowed to go 3 blocks down our residential, 20mph street to the local dairy bar and the candy store on the opposite corner but ONLY with one of the high school kids in the neighborhood walking with us. When Jess was 7 I would only let her walk to school alone, down our pokey little road that is 4 lanes but not busy because a major road was built a block away, ONLY let her go as I stood outside and could see her the ENTIRE 4 blocks to her school. She NEVER went that route with-o one of us watching the entire way, and only after she proved that she knew all the rules and would follow them.

    NO WAY would my child be alone on a busy street, much less riding a bike and having her dog with her, and go over a MILE to an abandoned well house full of dust and spiders.

    But niece gets to do this when she is with her mom because her mom is "napping" by which I mean passed out from drugs and booze.

    HOW can this woman file charges against my brother who has NEVER left her unsupervised, hit her or hurt her in any way except MAYBE by accident although i couldn't name a time (we all bump into someone accidentally - only that way would anything happen on his watch). I KNOW that exsil drives with open beer/booze in the car (have seen her at the SCHOOL waiting for niece with a beer in a coozy), and that she drives, talks and texts at the same time and often while under the influence!!

    Please send good vibes, prayers, etc... for us so that my niece can be protected from her mom, so that custody can go to gfgbro - the parent who will do the work needed to protect her and raise her in a healthy way, and so that we can help my mom work through this anger that is so foreign to her and is eating her alive.

    I am worried because she has had several times where her blood pressure has been high enough to cause a stroke, once she had to stay at her docs for over 6 hrs because her pressure was over 240/150 and they couldn't get it down. She and I will muddle through our relationship, always have before, but not if this anger causes a stroke or death.

    Thanks. I am super worried about her and niece.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Susie... :hugs:

    The best thing YOU can do is be there for her to talk to. Give her info on detachment. because honestly... I know how the courts work. If exsil lets niece ride her bike like this... Probably the court will want more than that. I'm sorry for this. In our case, Jett was riding in the front seat of BM's minivan with-o a seatbelt way before he was big enough. The police would do NOTHING. Regarding the beer in a koozie, honestly all you can do is verify then call the police.

    I feel horrid for your niece, because she will be the one to suffer more than any of the adults.

    The system isn't made to HELP anyone.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm glad you and your mom are talking again. That sounds like a positive. So sorry for niece, tho. I am starting to develop some really unpopular ideas about divorce when kids are involved, anymore....
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Any chance gfgbro can hire a P.I. to show how she "parents"?
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Glad you and your mom are able to talk again.

    I'm with step though, keep in mind the system is broken. Hopefully the judge will cut through the bull and see the truth for what it is.

  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Susie - I'm sorry your family is going through seems that everytime you THINK it's safe to go back in the water...daaaa-Dum, daaaa-Dum, dumdumdumdumdum...there's a shark attack.

    What a witch to point fingers...after a while, people will eventually realize that the old adage "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" made a LOT of sense.

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thanks all. I think that my mom has made some real changes in accepting that I will not budge on my stance re:gfgbro, and is now willing to follow them and not try to push me into anything. I am still very aware that slips not only could happen but probably will, and I have decided how I want to handle them. That way I am prepared and won't react or over-react. NONE of us need that kind of drama anymore.

    I am doing very well, in my opinion, on not dwelling on this mess and how it is affecting the entire family. Mostly any time I think about it is when I am talking with my mom (and it is not the only thing we talk about, yippee!), posting here or when the kids ask questions. They are worried about their cousin because they know about the court case and have been told some things by niece. Thankfully when niece tells them something that is inapropriate or whatever, they tell me in private so that a responsible adult knows.

    Thank you all for helping me see that boundaries needed to be set, setting them and figuring out how to stick to them. I love each and every one of you!
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Coming in late to this but, whew, what a mess.
    I am so glad you and your mother are "talking" again, but so sorry it has come to this. Amazing, simply amazing, the injustice of it all.
  9. ML

    ML Guest

    The best thing in this is you and your mom are talking. I know how much you love her and I'm glad she is willing to respect your boundaries with gfgbro. Wishing you the best!