My mom is now 76 yrs old. Not so old, but in her family quite old because they don't generally live that long. Only sib she has left is my aunt Jennie and she's 81. Physically mom isn't doing so bad. She's having issues with range of motion / arthritis from breaking her arms years back....and messing up her should joints while she did it. Has had some cardiac stints put in place. As far as I know the glaucoma is under control and she's doing well with that. She's no longer driving because when Nichole and I went to see her for her birthday I had her drive us so I could see if she was still safe. She did fine except I wanted to grab the wheel every time she needed to turn. omg She can't raise her arms very high, makes turning the wheel a feat. So no more driving and I told her point blank that was the only reason I saw for it. Otherwise she did just fine. Mom went to "live" with sis in Texas right after that visit. And here is where it gets majorly complicated. Just as I knew it was going to as I suspected there was a LOT going on behind the scenes. In August Nichole and I go visit Mom, a birthday surprise. What mom didn't know was that I was also evaluating her during the visit. (I have my subtle ways and lots of experience) Mom was determined to get rid of the "clutter" in the home as she was/is hoping to sell it in the near future. It's a 3 bedrm trilevel home that is much too big for her and a PITA for her to keep up with even a decade ago. Mom was just fine. Her normal self. A tad forgetful and sometimes mixing up what she was saying.....but then again, not enough for it to worry me any. Age appropriate, especially when easy child does the same things. lol Know what I mean?? Most of you know the drama with little bro and niece while they lived with her. Since that time bro is determined mom needs to be "put away" for her own good. He can't decide if she's crazy or has Alzheimer's. Well, being a paranoid schizo, mom has always been crazy......and I've been telling sibs that since my teen years. phht. They just blew it off. No way does she have Alzheimer's. I've worked with various Alzheimer's patients. Shoot, she doesn't even qualify as senile. So.....we get to mom's and find out sis from Texas and family are coming up to visit but won't arrive until after we have to head back home. Another surprise visit. I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach but don't say a word to her. Bro drops by Mom's one evening and while Mom is busy helping Nichole load up decor into her car he's trying to convince me mom needs to be put away. Um, no. And I told him so. It would make me feel better for her to live with someone due to her range of motion issues with her arms, but otherwise I didn't see an issue. Irked him as he wanted/expected me to back him up. Nichole and I get back home and sis from Texas arrives at moms. Next thing I know I've got a phone call from mom saying she's going to Texas to live with sis. Red Flag. I knew bro had been talking to sis in texas, I imagine he was saying the same things to her as he was to me. I asked mom if that is really what she wanted because she loathes Texas and she can't stand sis's husband, never has. She acted like she was reluctant but sort of being "pushed" or "pressured" into going. Next thing I know she calls and says she's insisting on visiting all her kids before leaving for Texas. Then whispers into the phone to me that she is just visiting sis for a while, not planning to live there. So I knew from the get go she wasn't going to stay. Once in Texas I called her as I normally do. She had a major outbreak of shingles once she arrived and was in horrible shape for a while. She wouldn't talk to me much.....vague conversations as if she was afraid of being overhead. Sis wouldn't talk to me at all, which I found odd as mom called me twice from her phone. Right after xmas I get a call from her, she is back home. She'd called older bro and had him come rescue her. (I have to tend to agree with her wording) Only then did I get the lowdown on what happened with sis. Before sis arrived for that "visit" with her whole family.........she actually told mom it was a visit. Once she arrived, however, she told mom she was coming to live with her and they had arrived to move her down to her house, said in such a way as to imply that mom had pre-agreed to this so called plan. From the moment they arrived the pressure was on her to go along with the plan. Sis's husband had bought a huge truck in which to move her belongings and he'd spent a ton in gas getting it there (these people never hear of Uhaul? omg) At first mom fought them on it. She wasn't going. But they kept pushing......poured on the guilt......started hauling her stuff out of the house. And eventually mom gave in. NOT to live there but to stay there for the winter. Sis moved mom in less than a week. Although mom did win out on making them keep some of her things in the house. Mom did not even move her bank accounts or anything. Now does that sound like she was planning on living there? Now as they were moving her things out, neighbors came to see if she was ok and what was going on (close neighborhood, she does a lot for her neighbors) Sis and brother in law kept telling them mom was moving to her new home in Texas with them. They told all the family the same thing and didn't give mom much opportunity to say otherwise. They'd laugh and roll their eyes when she would correct them that it was just a visit. Once she got down there they kept saying things like "welcome home" and this is your "new home" and blah blah blah to the point it drove her nuts. When mom would remind sis it was just a visit, sis would lay on the guilt that mom had never spent hardly any time with sis's family during her adult life like she did the rest of us. While that is true, that is sis's fault, not moms. She's the one who married career military and kept moving all over the darn country and overseas. Mom did what she could to visit, which wasn't much. So one evening, bro calls down there to talk to sis. Mom asks if the call is from bro because she needs to check on the stuff with the house. Sis gets touchy and goes off into her bedroom to talk to bro. When she comes out she point blank tells mom that if she is not happy there then there is the door. The comment came right out of the blue. Mom was taken off guard and hurt deeply by it. It was the last straw. Sis left to go see her daughter and mom called older bro and asked him to come get her asap. When sis found out (which wasn't until older bro arrived because mom had no clue he was coming immediately) she was ticked off. She says to mom, " well how would you feel if I never come to see you again?" Now after the whole there is the door remark, that was a hit below the belt. Mom has not spoken to sis since she left Texas right after xmas. Now in sis's defense?? I think her intentions were good. I think little bro convinced her that mom was at best senile and "out of her mind" and needed to be "pushed" into living with her or at least someone. So sis came up to do just that. I say this because I know full well what bro has been saying to me. Know what I mean?? I have been talking to mom frequently since she returned home. I know her mental illness like no one else in the family. Under stress or if she feels anxious or vulnerable her paranoia goes full tilt and she can progress into a psychotic break. I didn't see any indication of that during the time I spoke to her in Texas, and trust me, I'd have picked up on it immediately. Although I do think she was feeling quite anxious and vulnerable.......I think that is why she developed a rather nasty case of shingles during her stay. (as does the doctor who treated her) I've no doubt sis got to see for the first time mom's paranoia in action. If one isn't used to it, it can be scary. Do I think the whole sis pushed her into going to Texas might be paranoia? No. I know too much about how that played out because I saw/heard it myself. That wasn't paranoia. Bro was feeding sis inaccurate information and sis trying to come to the rescue had it blow up horribly in her face resulting in both mom and her getting deeply hurt. Little bro's motivation in all this? Well, I dunno just yet. Could be the money he thinks mom has. Could be that he is still enraged with her for pointing out to him his daughter is mentally ill herself and dangerously so. Could be some other reason. Or could be a combination. I do know that bro had my bio dad living with him after he retired. Not 6 months later he was telling everyone bio dad was "out of his mind" and soiling himself and refusing to bathe. Until his behavior with mom, while the behavior was out of character for bio dad who's looks always meant a great deal to him (ladies man to the hilt), I took his word for it. Not a week after that he'd had my step mom who had been separated from dad for years convince he had to go to a nursing home. Then proceeded to make dad drive himself from Illinois to Indianapolis to be admitted to said nursing home! Now that I was ticked off about, even at the time. How could someone unable to care for themselves be trusted to get from point A to point B on a trip like that and follow through? omg But bro was ticked off at dad because all he did was "sit around all day". The man drove a semi for 50 yrs. He had no hobbies. No real interests. What the hell did bro think he was going to do when he retired?? Now after what he's doing to mom I am suspicious of his motives. I don't think it's just ignorance on his part. Tonight he calls me out of the blue. He thinks he's called Nichole. I didn't let him off the phone. Instead I asked him why he wanted to talk to Nichole. He said he'd been talking to her on facebook and thought it easier to just call and talk. Then he asked if I'd talked to sis in Texas, seems she was supposed to call and "warn me" in case mom had plans of coming here next. I told him I hadn't spoken to sis since she came to visit with mom. As for warning me, I knew exactly what I'd be dealing with concerning mom. Oh, no, he assures me, I have no idea. I'm sorry but I laughed at him. I reminded him it was me all these years trying to convince them to accept her paranoid schizo diagnosis while they called me a liar and blew me off. I also told him I have more than my fair share dealing with the mentally ill and the elderly. So again, he didn't get very far. He kept trying to tell me we all need to get together and have mom declared incompetent. Uh, no. We don't. And if he pulls that little stunt, me and my kids will come and fight it. Seems oldest bro is siding with me which is really ticking off younger bro. No word how oldest sis feels........she's in no position to do anything with mom, she's living with my niece and they may be homeless soon. (and oldest sis isn't exactly the sanest person on the planet either, would take me 5 minutes to get a judge to see that, so her opinion would be thrown out) I'm not liking lil bro right now very much. Hellova way to treat the mother who let you live in her home with your nutso kid for 2 yrs for free until your kid tried to drive her off the road to convince her she was crazy. He also had the nerve to be out of joint because Mom has been helping older bro financially because he couldn't work due to needing surgery on his right wrist, which he's getting done in a few days. Lil' bro is one to talk, huh? This is not the bro I grew up with. Lil bro has become bitter, cold, abusive, and I'm suspecting manipulative. Got news for him. I will not be manipulated by anyone. If mom comes here it will be her decision. I will not force her, guilt her, convince her, beg her. She knows she is welcome. Mom knows I don't give a **** about her money (of which she doesn't have much because what the sibs don't realize is every time she's "helping" them she's doling out inheritance, that will be a rude awakening come will time lol ) Even in my current state I don't care about the money. She knows I'll always talk to her straight up with the truth, whether she likes it or not. Would it be easy if she came here? No. I'm no fool. I lived with her until I married Fred at age 19. I've seen mom at her worst so many many times over the years that I know better than anyone, including lil bro what I'd be dealing with. But I also know how to talk to her NOT to make it worse and to help calm her and get her to see reason again too, which none of them can do. I can do that because she knows I'll always be honest with her, as I always have been. Nor do I freak out at every moment of her paranoia either. It's just who she is. She can't help it. But due to that paranoia a nursing home or assisted living would be torture for my mom. She'd have to be so heavily medicated to the point of being a zombie, no joke. I can't do that to her, even with our past. Because while my mom has her mental illness that can be ugly and horrible, in there is the person she would've been without the mental illness who cares so deeply for those she loves, who has cared for every single member of her family (including her sibs) when they needed her whether physically able or not. She is not just her schizo, she is a person. I may be calling sis in Texas within the next few days to get her side. Dealing with mom is hard enough. Dealing with my sibs is far worse. It reminds me why I moved away.