Ohhh, Help me! I love her but there is no working things out with her. She has always had to be the center of the universe and cannot put herself in someone else's shoes for anything. She was a good mom in some ways while I was growing up but she made some pretty stupid decisions, too, that lead to my being raped, among other things. She has always taken the attitude that I need to get myself out of whatever situation I get myself into, which is her choice and that's ok, but then she shouldn't be acting like she's done so much to "bail" me out of situations when she never really did anything other than take that position, right? She is the one that got my bro so stirred up 2 years ago that he thought she would stand behind him and help him get custody of difficult child, then she decided to act like she had nothing to do with the situation, leaving my bro unwilling to even speak to her. She told me she did say "some things she shouldn't have said" to my bro to instigate things and that she was sorry. That was supposed to be the end of it, in her mind. Never mind that it cost me thousands of dollars to prepare for that custody case, not to mention what it did to difficult child and me emotionally, and how my bro's actions have left gal and then others having these big doubts about me as a mother, that will probably never go away. Anyway, because of all that I have not wanted to tell her about difficult child's latest situation. It is her habit to just make phone calls to others to get them stirred up when there is a crisis. But, I kept getting emails from her about being worried since she hasn't heard from us, so I called her. I let her know that I just wasn't comfortable discussing things with her because of the way she handles things and how it leaves such an impact on our lives that does not easily go away. Then here it came- "she has always been there for me and stood by me but I have hated her since my dad died when I was 5yo." (OK- she has never come up here when difficult child was in a hospital- not even when he was 3mos or 15 mos old and under an oxygen tent. She instigated all this custody carp then never said a word about cost to fight it. When I was in an abusive marriage, she told my husband that she could understand I was difficult and told others not to risk themselves to try to help me- I was 17yo and entered that marriage after being raped by a family emeber that she moved into our house when she KNEW that he had tried to molest another girl in the family. And when I told her what had happened- her response was to look at me, get mad and asked me "how could I do this to her", then go get my step-dad to deal with it.) So I didn't respond to her- I couldn't get a word in edgewise if I'd tried. She kept going on about how she had no one and no one had ever stood by her except this one friend (who supported her and made excuses for anything she did) and that I had just never treated her right after she'd put up with so much from me (like what? I left home at 17) and all she did was tried to stand by me no matter what and now- what- I was just gone from her life too. And she hung up. (Also- that friend decided to show difficult child her handgun and tell him how cool it was and where she kept it- unlocked- when he was 4yo- she was an administrator at a sd. Who are people going to believe- me or my psychiatric PhD mom and a sd administrator?) Yes, I know her well enough to know that was my cue to call back shortly afterwards begging for forgiveness and telling her what all I will try to do for her. I didn't call back. I have enough on my plate. The therapist I had in my early 20's that helped me see how dysfunctional my family really is and how self-centered my mother is and how my bro has a laundry list of issues longer than mine told me to never live near them again and always keep them at arms-distance. The therapist I have now is well-intentioned and smart, I'm sure. But she wants to give the gal and PO and my family the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure she's thinking that there must be something wrong with me to have issues with so many that are really there to "help" families. But, I'm going to have to change tdocs, I can see that now. My mother's "help" unleashed my my bro's actions that included calling everyone in this town bad-mouthing me, which led to gal never being comfortable with me, which led to everyone in Department of Juvenile Justice court services unit treating me like the biggest loser parent to walk the face of the earth. It's amazing how long it took for all the pieces of this to fall into place. But the last thing I need is a therapist who can't see that just because a person should be trust-worthy, doesn't necessarily mean they are. I had therapy to help come to terms with that myself- I sure don't need a therapist to undo it because they can't see it. After so many years, you would think it wouldn't hurt anymore for my mother to be this way. But every time this happens, I feel like I have more I have to let go of, and I didn't even know there was any more left to let go of.