klmno... privacy is a big thing for me, too. Therefore... I'd be wary of recommending the board... BUT I sure don't have any issue recommending books - and even have one or two to lend out, for the right people. Somehow, books are more "public" than personal... yes, you have some challenges with your kid too, but they won't know which parts of the book apply to your kid, any more than you will know what parts apply to their kid.
My neighbors have a difficult child
- Thread starter klmno
- Start date
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
We tried to live in an apartment when the boys were 3, 5, and 8. Omyword! I was chasing my kids all over he11's green acres. And yes my words were probably much like your neighbors. You boys better get your butts back to this house because if I have to find you, you will really regret it! Dont make me hunt you down now! You left this house again after I said no? Are you freaking stupid? Or do I have stupid tattooed on my forehead?
Ahhh....lovely memories.
Of course, at least I wasnt cussing constantly. You can take my comments and add 4 letter words interspersed and that is what I hear up at Jamies townhouse.
Ahhh....lovely memories.
Of course, at least I wasnt cussing constantly. You can take my comments and add 4 letter words interspersed and that is what I hear up at Jamies townhouse.
Malika
Well-Known Member
Thank you for your honesty, slsh. I think you tell it like it is.... probably few of us could bear close scrutiny in terms of how we talk to our children. I am better than I was but still... My house and my neighbours' house was once originally one big house - it has not been sound-proofed and we hear almost everything that goes on in our respective sitting rooms... I would actually be embarrassed about how I sometimes speak to J and about his yelling and carrying on at times - except that they are (without even a difficult child to excuse it) far worse than we are. They do not have conversations, I swear - they have screamathons... Poor kid caught in the middle of it.
I also think the point about offering friendship rather than advice is an excellent one. Yes, that would be far more effective in the long term. And kinder. And, who knows, maybe the woman would turn out to be a person worth knowing.
I also think the point about offering friendship rather than advice is an excellent one. Yes, that would be far more effective in the long term. And kinder. And, who knows, maybe the woman would turn out to be a person worth knowing.
buddy
New Member
I was thinking last year that my neighbors probably thought difficult child's name was "ARE YOU KIDDING ME????" I realize it is not swearing but the things I have said, like i was saying before, did not have a nice tone. In my case the problem is really how echolalic and perseverative he is. Not to mention the attachment stuff. It really does come down to our own situations and for me i am hard on myself over that stuff because it alway comes back in a bad way. But I am human and he does need to know when he has crossed the line. He doesn't read facial expression so if I smile he says I am laughing AT him and if I dont smile, he says 'why are you always mad?" He will get off the bus saying, mommy, smile when I get home.... OMG I just can't win ever.
After thinking about what everyone has said....I like the idea of just getting to know her little by little in a friendly way if that is something she wants and you are comfortable with. You may want to go slow because if it turns out she is very needy you may feel overwhelmed. Not sure if you have ever had trouble wtih this, but boundaries are hard for many caretakers...I often leap before I think things thru in that sense. over the years I have been friends with a difficult child mom whose daughter was in school with my guy. She had mental health issues herself and i really do care and get along with her. For a long time it was really a nice relationship. But at times she became very cruel to me. i did pretty well standing up for myself, but found that i was replaying conversations in my head during the night, etc.... and feeling resentful. Since she was not my family and I had enough on my plate, i had to wonder why i was doing that to myself. I am usually pretty good about boundaries and not having unwarranted guilt when I think things through. So this year, she didn't call to have me work with her child (I offered pca services so she could get a break, I needed the money so it was ok, but she saidshe would pay gas and never did so I didn't come out ahead at all) and I thought, should I send her my schedule? Then I thought, no it is not MY job to arrange care for her kid. And in the end with all that has happened thank heaven i did not have that stress. I am going to say no if she does contact me again. I admit I feel a little badly about it, because they are really good people and in such need of support... but it is not selfish to set good boundaries and keep a healthy home for my son. (anyway, a little off track as usual, I have years of processing things that I have gone through alone...thank heaven to finally have folks here who get it.) Point is, you are wonderful to care, but just as cautious as we are being about how she may feel, i was just thinking of how you may feel as things play out.
After thinking about what everyone has said....I like the idea of just getting to know her little by little in a friendly way if that is something she wants and you are comfortable with. You may want to go slow because if it turns out she is very needy you may feel overwhelmed. Not sure if you have ever had trouble wtih this, but boundaries are hard for many caretakers...I often leap before I think things thru in that sense. over the years I have been friends with a difficult child mom whose daughter was in school with my guy. She had mental health issues herself and i really do care and get along with her. For a long time it was really a nice relationship. But at times she became very cruel to me. i did pretty well standing up for myself, but found that i was replaying conversations in my head during the night, etc.... and feeling resentful. Since she was not my family and I had enough on my plate, i had to wonder why i was doing that to myself. I am usually pretty good about boundaries and not having unwarranted guilt when I think things through. So this year, she didn't call to have me work with her child (I offered pca services so she could get a break, I needed the money so it was ok, but she saidshe would pay gas and never did so I didn't come out ahead at all) and I thought, should I send her my schedule? Then I thought, no it is not MY job to arrange care for her kid. And in the end with all that has happened thank heaven i did not have that stress. I am going to say no if she does contact me again. I admit I feel a little badly about it, because they are really good people and in such need of support... but it is not selfish to set good boundaries and keep a healthy home for my son. (anyway, a little off track as usual, I have years of processing things that I have gone through alone...thank heaven to finally have folks here who get it.) Point is, you are wonderful to care, but just as cautious as we are being about how she may feel, i was just thinking of how you may feel as things play out.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Im sure people thought Cory's name was much worse than "Are you kidding me" LOL. And as my name says on here, Im not only named Dammit Janet for the movie.
buddy
New Member
DDD
Well-Known Member
Personally I wouldn't seek out a friendship, suggest the book not would I share the site. No, I am not mean or unsympathetic. I just think you have to know someone fairly well before offering assistance. There is no way to know the personalities involved in a family that you've just met. It might trigger problems within their unit. Just think how many husband's from the CD family take decades to accept and get on board to parent as a team. To me it sounds risky and has the potential of interfering with your own new nest. DDD
