I am having some problems sort of like Shari. My husband has never felt that housework was "woman's work" or anything like that. even at almost 20 years he is still surprised if I ask if he wants something while I am getting a drink or anything. Which is really nice. But he NEVER sees a need to clean. Stuff on the floor? Step over it. NEVER pick it up. I CANNOT do the housework. Cannot stand for long at all. Have tried washing dishes sitting on a stool and my arms are not long enough. I end up with water all over the floor and then I fall and Jess and thank you and husband end up falling. At least the kids will put towels down to soak up the water. husband won't even do that! His idea of doing dishes is to do only the ones that fit into the dishwasher. The rest will NEVER get done. thank you's sensory issues make washing dishes a problem. He truly cannot feel if there is grease or gunk stuck on something, so when he washes them they are still nasty. He ends up feeling like a failure and it is not worth that. In a couple of years he will likely be more able to handle it and feel the stuck on stuff. He is making progress, but I don't think he needs to do that chore right now. husband also will NOT tell the kids to do any chore. EVER. Not unless I pitch a fit. We had a discussion about how awful the kitchen was last week. He asked me to make a lsit of all the steps because he is so overwhelmed. I understand that and get overwhelmed when I try to start also. He said he would do the list if I made it. So I made it. Worked over it 3 times to make it clear, understandable and to give tangible ways to see if the step was done correctly. He sat down with Jess and thank you and went over the list - telling them how they could do each step. Jess already cooks most nights. thank you does a lot too. NO WAY should they be responsible for this major muck-out. NO F'ing WAY. So I said that to him. He looked ashamed of himself and agreed. On Friday. So far he has spent 20 min or so each day in the kitchen. NOT doing the steps he asekd for or anything else. I gave him today to see if he would step up. He knows I am watching. If 90% of the steps are not done by the time he goes to bed he is going Occupational Therapist (OT) have one lousy day tomorrow. He spends 80% of his time at home online. NOT filling out job applications. Over the weekend he did work at 3 baseball games, 3-4 hours each. And spent 3 hours volunteering at the Odyssey of the Mind thing. But at home he is on facebook or playing games. He has been out of work over a year and only had ONE interview. He has sstopped trying. I know it is hard, but I have found 14 jobs he would be great at in the last 3 weeks. He only applied to ONE of them. Hasn't "gotten around" to the others, some after 3 weeks! Tomorrow he sees the doctor for a blood pressure check. I am going to tell him to get his a/d increased and his testosterone checked again because this is nuts. If you hear yelling from far away tomorrow, don't be alarmed. It is me kicking his butt into the kitchen to do what he promised. It isn't out of line to expect a man to spend a few hours digging out a mess he created, is it? Or to expect a man who is home all day at least 5 days a week to spend 1-2 hours a day picking things up, is it? Though I cannot stand/walk much, I still do most of the picking up, all of the clothes shopping except maybe 2 pr of pants that husband took him to get this year (and husband didn't make him try them on so I had to return them and get some that fit.), all of the meal planning, the "pre prep" of getting things chopped, ready to be tossed int he oven, and absolutely every single bit of getting the kids to do chores or anything else. So I am not being unrealistic when I tell him I expect a couple of hours a day of picking up and laundry/dishes etc... If I am totally off base with that, please let me know. It feels reasonable to me. Esp since the kids do all the putting laundry in the washer/dryer and I do most of the folding/hanging. If husband doesn't step up to the plate this week I am going to hide his computer until he gets it done. FIrst I will try more straight talk. Then I will use the "big gun" and take the computer and if I must I will take the desktop that the internet runs though.