Antsmom asked me in my other post what we were planning on telling our children about what is going on with me and husband. I responded to her there, but figured that post was getting a little long, so I started a new one. This is what I told antsmom.
Both of my kids were aware a few years back when we were talking about seperating, so I don't think they will be hugely surprised now.
I think we will tell them that there are some issues that we need to sort through and that we have kind of grown apart and need some time to think about what we really want. I'll have to discuss this with him and my counselor before approaching either one of them.
I wasn't going to discuss any of this with my h today because it is our anniversary, but since we aren't really celebrating it I changed my mind. I have some things I need to say to him and I think he kind of knows what is coming anyway, so I decided why keep going over and over it in my head and putting it off. I just called him and asked him to meet me after I get out of work today so we can talk and he said he thought that was a good idea.
What I plan on telling him is partly what the counselor said, that when he chose to have a relationship with someone else, he already left me, so there isn't a decision to be made anymore on who is leaving who. I'm going to tell him I think it's best we find him an apartment and that I will continue counseling for myself and that I feel he should do the same and we will have to take it from there and see what happens as far as the future.
He did tell my girlfriend yesterday that he had a full blown panic attack while working and put himself in my place and that he knows if it were the other way around he would never be able to stay with me if I had done this to him, so I don't think what I am suggesting to him will be a huge surprise.
The first thing I am going to suggest to him is that he talk to his mom and be honest with her about what he has done. I am very close to her and he has been very open with her in the past as far as placing blame on me for not giving him enough attention so it is very very important to me that she knows the truth of why we are seperating right now. If anyone comes to me thinking this was a decision made because of something I did I will straighten that out very quickly.
Wish me luck. I have to remember to keep in my head that he chose this, I didn't do anything wrong to cause it and not let him allow me to start questioning that. He has a way of doing that where by the end of the conversation he will be the victim and I'll be feeling guilty that I caused this and am now doing something to make him even unhappier.
God, give me strength!!!!!