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my problem, not grave or scary
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<blockquote data-quote="Crying Uncle" data-source="post: 628389" data-attributes="member: 18067"><p>There's the crux of the situation. The mental anguish, 24/7, of the situation. So hard to accept because it DOESN'T have to be this way. It is a case of difficult child never wanting to work, never developing a job skill, and exactly as so many describe, an actual pride in not being a functional part of society. They wear it like a badge. We're the suckers that fell for the job, car, house schtick. Sigh. It's so true we help to make ourselves feel better because there is guilt and shame associated with doing nothing.</p><p>My personal failures in my relationship with my Mother left me with deep guilt and regret over not having done MORE in her final years. I don't want to make that mistake twice. But I see the truth that this reaction is for ME more than the difficult child.</p><p></p><p>It's baffling to us that a person can be comfortable in a situation like those described here, but obviously many difficult children are. That,s a part that is so deeply puzzling. I may never be able to accept that difficult child is okay with being hungry and jobless. Because I could never be. difficult child has held a job, had money to live on and relax on, not rich but stable. But seems to have lost the motivation to achieve that again.</p><p></p><p>I have been unemployed twice in the past five years, came back from bankruptcy, and am about to turn 56. I don't have enough money for my later years, but I am saving. I have always worked when a job was available, with maybe two years cumulative unemployed in 35 years. My job is good but nothing is guaranteed. I want my savings for my emergencies. AC repair. Health. Replacement car.</p><p>But I also lean the other way some days, help now or regret it later. Pay rent or worry about difficult child on the street.</p><p>It's the "invisible" nature of mental health problems. If difficult child was in the hospital with an injury or disease, the help would pour in. If difficult children house was broken into. If difficult child was laid off. But when the "crisis" is difficult child wont apply for food stamps, or difficult child can't make a phone call.. what the hell?? WHY oh WHY is it like this?</p><p></p><p>The fact that difficult child is on medications now, about a month, gives me more reason to extend a helping hand. (enabling hand?). This is more movement towards course correction than seen in years, but only with constant pushing.</p><p></p><p>I am separated from the difficult child by half a country, so don't get to help directly. There's not much I CAN do but help with some costs and offer moral support and my personal experiences with depression.</p><p></p><p>Just trying to wind down by putting some words down...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Crying Uncle, post: 628389, member: 18067"] There's the crux of the situation. The mental anguish, 24/7, of the situation. So hard to accept because it DOESN'T have to be this way. It is a case of difficult child never wanting to work, never developing a job skill, and exactly as so many describe, an actual pride in not being a functional part of society. They wear it like a badge. We're the suckers that fell for the job, car, house schtick. Sigh. It's so true we help to make ourselves feel better because there is guilt and shame associated with doing nothing. My personal failures in my relationship with my Mother left me with deep guilt and regret over not having done MORE in her final years. I don't want to make that mistake twice. But I see the truth that this reaction is for ME more than the difficult child. It's baffling to us that a person can be comfortable in a situation like those described here, but obviously many difficult children are. That,s a part that is so deeply puzzling. I may never be able to accept that difficult child is okay with being hungry and jobless. Because I could never be. difficult child has held a job, had money to live on and relax on, not rich but stable. But seems to have lost the motivation to achieve that again. I have been unemployed twice in the past five years, came back from bankruptcy, and am about to turn 56. I don't have enough money for my later years, but I am saving. I have always worked when a job was available, with maybe two years cumulative unemployed in 35 years. My job is good but nothing is guaranteed. I want my savings for my emergencies. AC repair. Health. Replacement car. But I also lean the other way some days, help now or regret it later. Pay rent or worry about difficult child on the street. It's the "invisible" nature of mental health problems. If difficult child was in the hospital with an injury or disease, the help would pour in. If difficult children house was broken into. If difficult child was laid off. But when the "crisis" is difficult child wont apply for food stamps, or difficult child can't make a phone call.. what the hell?? WHY oh WHY is it like this? The fact that difficult child is on medications now, about a month, gives me more reason to extend a helping hand. (enabling hand?). This is more movement towards course correction than seen in years, but only with constant pushing. I am separated from the difficult child by half a country, so don't get to help directly. There's not much I CAN do but help with some costs and offer moral support and my personal experiences with depression. Just trying to wind down by putting some words down... [/QUOTE]
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