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my problem, not grave or scary
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 628396"><p>LS- you have been given very wise words of advice here, better advice than I could give to you. I read your post and it hit home for me - and Child of Mine alluded to it in her post as well...</p><p></p><p>I have a much easier time "doing for others" when I acknowledge that I am doing them for myself. It doesn't just apply to things I do for difficult child - it applies to my H & the pcs too. Some of the things I do for them are things they really don't necessarily want. Like cutting sandwiches on the diagonal instead of straight (or serving whole), like baking extra cookies for H to take to the office... or picking up a brand new shirt I know easy child will love for no special reason.</p><p></p><p>I have to say that the laundry is such a common theme among us moms of difficult children. I can remember putting extra fabric softener in difficult child's sheets etc. so that he would smell it and remember that I cared and that he was loved. Like an extra ounce of Downey can right the wrongs in our dynamic!</p><p></p><p>I can remember scolding my kids when they were small that "I am not the laundry fairy" - after they dumped their freshly washed and folded clothes in a heap on their floor or cleaned their room by putting everything in the hamper rather than putting things away. Clean laundry was one of those things I never appreciated until it became my own responsibility for our family of 5. How nice it would be to find everything smelling fresh - clean and folded - just sitting in a basket waiting for me! Those few times I did difficult child's laundry were my chance to be a mother to him again. Even if he didn't notice. I did it for me.</p><p></p><p>So, don't go overboard and don't become her caretaker - but at the same time - it's ok to do something for your difficult child because it makes YOU feel a little better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 628396"] LS- you have been given very wise words of advice here, better advice than I could give to you. I read your post and it hit home for me - and Child of Mine alluded to it in her post as well... I have a much easier time "doing for others" when I acknowledge that I am doing them for myself. It doesn't just apply to things I do for difficult child - it applies to my H & the pcs too. Some of the things I do for them are things they really don't necessarily want. Like cutting sandwiches on the diagonal instead of straight (or serving whole), like baking extra cookies for H to take to the office... or picking up a brand new shirt I know easy child will love for no special reason. I have to say that the laundry is such a common theme among us moms of difficult children. I can remember putting extra fabric softener in difficult child's sheets etc. so that he would smell it and remember that I cared and that he was loved. Like an extra ounce of Downey can right the wrongs in our dynamic! I can remember scolding my kids when they were small that "I am not the laundry fairy" - after they dumped their freshly washed and folded clothes in a heap on their floor or cleaned their room by putting everything in the hamper rather than putting things away. Clean laundry was one of those things I never appreciated until it became my own responsibility for our family of 5. How nice it would be to find everything smelling fresh - clean and folded - just sitting in a basket waiting for me! Those few times I did difficult child's laundry were my chance to be a mother to him again. Even if he didn't notice. I did it for me. So, don't go overboard and don't become her caretaker - but at the same time - it's ok to do something for your difficult child because it makes YOU feel a little better. [/QUOTE]
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