my son asked if he could tie me up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by learner, Mar 18, 2008.

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  1. learner

    learner New Member

    I have posted this on a few message boards as well, however I just wanted to get as many opinions as possible from as many people. To make a long story short, got 3 children, and the oldest (middle teens) and I recently saw a documentary crime program that did re-enactments where captives were bound and gagged. Since that my son has been asking to tie me up. Of course I said no, but he has brought it up a few times since. He is a good kid, gets good grades, has friends, is going to get a job soon, etc. Is this normal? I overheard him, in a rather playful way, threaten to tie up my daughter because she took something of his. When I confronted him later about that he again asked if he could tie me up. He said he could get the clothesline from the basement and he wanted to see if I could get free. He even took out the dish towel and said he could put it in my mouth. I didn't think anything of it, but I'd like opinions and advice. Has this happened to anyone?
  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Your son is how old?
    Yes, I would be worried. I would seek a professionals help.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    If he is old enough to work, he is too old to be asking you if he can do this in a playful manner. I would be concerned.
  4. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    I agree, I would be rather concerned. Since he is old enough to be getting a job, he should be old enough to understand this is not acceptable. The fact that he had details on how he would do this, is very concerning. This means he has actually thought about how to do this successfully.

    Just my two cents
  5. learner

    learner New Member

    He is 15. I actually just had about a 10 minute talk. I do feel a lot better. He said he wanted to try and see if we could match what was on the TV. Also he stated that he felt if a child and adult were in the same situation (bound and gagged) that the child would have a much easier time getting out, is that true? He also said it would just give him a chuckle to see the short struggle.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    See, that would be what concerns me. The fact that he would "get a chuckle" out of "watching the struggle".

    I don't want to sound gross, but the fact that he is 15 (and therefore just entering puberty), and he has asked you a few times, and has told his sister that he wants to do it to her, makes me think that in his mind there may be a sexual twist to it. Some males find it erotic to see a female struggling with bonds.

    Please don't think that I am saying your son is bad or nasty, because I am not. But I am certainly concerned, for you and your daughter.
  7. learner

    learner New Member

    Well if it keeps up I'll take him in to see. I appreciate your thoughts. Now let me just paint a worst case senario. Lets just say he comes upstairs with the clothesline and starts going to work on me, got any tips on what to do. I know obviously to fightback, struggle, but just any suggestions. I DO NOT see it getting to this, I am painting a hypothetical situation. Also what to do if I cannot indeed talk or screen (ie the cloth).
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    BBK voiced my thoughts.

    My oldest tried to tie me up several times, DID put duct tape on my daughter's mouth when mad at her.


    Sending hugs and prayers. Very worried about you and your daughter.

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Maybe I'm overly nervous, but this would scare me to death. He'd be in a Psychiatrists office (not a psychologist or a therapist, but the guy with the MD) the next day. This isn't a normal obsession for a child that age and it's not funny. He could be having bondage fantasies...I'd want him to get help right away.
  11. learner

    learner New Member

    susiestar, if you don't mind sharing, I'd like to hear just a little more in detail what happened. How did you fight back, any suggestions?
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    First I just told him NO. We addressed it with the psychiatrist (with the MD) and with the therapist.

    Then we called the police. Making sure a phone was available was the most important thing.

  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    My opinion echoes all the others. I would be very concerned. And I would always have my cell phone in my pocket.
  14. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I agree with the others that I would be concerned with this talk in a teenage boy and would seek out a therapist ASAP.

    Are there any older males in the home--father, significant other, etc--or are you alone?

    Are you aware of his having viewed porn on the internet or elsewhere?
  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I'm throwing my vote in with all the others who are expressing serious concern about this. The fact that he's raised it several times, and has a vivid idea of how it would be are disturbing.

    SRL makes a very good point. Do you know the sort of websites that your son may have been visiting? Does he have access to a computer in a private location, such as his bedroom? If he does, I would be removing it and putting it out in a public place, checking the cache and history to see what he's been into.
  16. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I think the fact that you are thinking worst case says you need to address this. What happens if he sneaks into first your room and then your daughter's in the middle of the night? Get him into counselling tomorrow, keep him away from anyone that may be smaller or weaker. He could, unfortunately, be an emerging predator. Call your local crisis services for a referral right now, not tomorrow.
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