My son called to tell me the liver clinic threw him out finally.

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Maybe he'd do better with more compassionate care?
That is a good point, Serenity. While he did bond was the department head biatch, he must feel that that clinic is so loaded with failures and with pressure.

He makes very strong relationships with doctors. The doctors seem to bond with him, too. Maybe if he were to find a physician with whom he can make a relationship, and from the beginning, without expectations of him, there might be a better result.

Let us see what he does with this. Right now, I see now role for me. I have calmed down enough that I do not feel I will fight with him if he calls. Sooner or later he will call. The worst case is that he will give up. And let it go, entirely.

I will have to accept it.

Thank you very much.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Copa, in trying to help you as I know your son's illness makes you so sad, perhaps it is not enabling to look up, say, three liver clinics and give him their names and numbers. At least then he can call without having to do "hard work" (cough) to f ind a place. I don't think that falls into the enabling category. It's sort of like giving them a list of homeless shelters, but making THEM the one who has to go to them to find out the rules.

Hugs and I'm so sorry this is happening. I wish I could help. I really do.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
look up, say, three liver clinics and give him their names and numbers.
Yes, I believe you are right, Serenity. Everybody seems right.

I just feel so helpless and forlorn. Defeated. I get to feeling I no longer want to live anymore. (I mean, I would want to live, but I do not have it in me anymore to tolerate life.) Like I have a terminal illness and I will never recover. There is something in me that keeps dying and dying over and over again. That I keep returning to. This is the feeling that keeps happening over and over. That I will never get over my terminal illness. My life. I cannot find the place anymore to fight. I am very, very sad.

How does one get over lack of hope? I have hope for my son. I just do not have hope for myself anymore. I fear that I will never be OK, again.

I listened to the Pope all week. He says there is always hope. There is always a return to the circle of G-d's love. I believe him. I just do not feel it in myself. I am the one person outside of the circle of hope. I do not know why. I guess this is what is called despair.

Thank you everybody. You are very wise. I am grateful.

COPA
 
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BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Copa, stop that!!! Your son is still healthy, isn't he? He has a long time before this will do him in, and, in that time, they may find a cure, like they did with AIDS and Hep C. Please don't give up. Trust me, trust me, I know the pain. I did not lose a son to a serious disease but for reasons I will never know, I lost a son I adopted too. Remember? And I don't know why. Nobody knows why. Nobody will ever know why. But other people love and need me to be alive and the same is true of you. And your son DOES love you. He needs you, even if he is sick and delusional.

I really hope he decides to go to another clinic. And there IS always hope. I am there with ya, holding your hand. I am sure we all are. (((Hugs))).
 

toughlovin

Well-Known Member
Copa - Thinking about you.... it is heartbreaking when they do such self destructive things... and having it out of our control. I have no advice but sending good thoughts your way.
 

Feeling Sad

Well-Known Member
Copa, I am right there with you...just outside of the circle of hope.

I dropped my severe therapist because she was trying to take any shred of hope away from me. She told me that there is nothing more that I could ever do for my son and that he was so far gone, that his prognosis was very poor.

My nicer therapist, while being honest, wants me to have hope. She even let me pick a small rounded rock from several with different words on them. Yes, I picked the one that said hope.

The severe therapist wanted to have me accept that there was no hope left. She implied that there was something sick in me that I would not accept that fate. The kinder therapist, gave me hope, both figuratively and literally. Yes, hope.

At the beginning and end of every NAMI support group, we speak of hope for our troubled family member.

Yes, we are both outside of that circle...for now. But, if we are both outside, we are not alone. There are millions of parents sitting just outside of that circle, trying and moving slowly back towards hope.

We need hope to stay strong to be healthy and present for ourselves, others, and yes, our troubled children.

I agree with having him call the psychiatrist or the social worker. But, I still feel that you need to talk to them first. I am not trying to draw you back in. Here is my concern. Will your son volunteer that information about the fear of an earthquake? Most people do not freely tell someone things that they might be judged by. They need to know this very important piece to the equation.

Without this knowledge, he will not be perceived as having a valid reason to miss his appointment. He will just seem flakey or not caring about missing his appointmenrs.

Their decision at the clinic will follow him to the next one. They will find that he was kicked out for missing his appointments. They might perceive him wrongly. They might be hesitant to allow him into their program.

I wish to G-d that I had insisted on going with my son the one time he went to the doctors. I was using keverage, i.e. bribery, to receive a new computer screen if he went and filled a prescription. We drove 3 towns away. I started to get out of the car. He said that if I went, he would not go. I just sat there. Inside, I was screaming. I told you how it ended. He never discussed his delusions, hallucinations, voices, echoalia, anosognogia...just that he was a 'little' depressed. He filled a prescription for antidepressants. I did not know. I gave him the money for the screen. He lied about taking the pills and soon, threw them away.

When speaking about an adult son, you have to just volunteer information, not ask any specifics about his medical treatment.

But after that, give him the numbers and it is all on him.

My late onset schizophrenic sister has had 5 different medical coverages. She doctor shops and takes drugs that she does not need. They tell her, finally that it is psychological in nature. She is an addict. Her husband od'd. I have called numerous doctors and volunteered information about her. They would stop prescribing pills, and then she is off to a new one. I finally had to step away and stop trying. All of my relatives and her friends think that I am horrible....but I can live with that. I know the truth and tried my best.

Hope is still there. You are tired and sad, like many of us on this site. We will make it through these ordeals. Hope will make it slowly back into your heart. But for now, you have a lot of company sitting just outside of that circle.

We are all here for you. Take care, my dear friend.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
I just feel so helpless and forlorn. Defeated. I get to feeling I no longer want to live anymore. (I mean, I would want to live, but I do not have it in me anymore to tolerate life.) Like I have a terminal illness and I will never recover. There is something in me that keeps dying and dying over and over again. That I keep returning to. This is the feeling that keeps happening over and over. That I will never get over my terminal illness. My life. I cannot find the place anymore to fight. I am very, very sad.

Copa I understand how it is to feel so helpless and sad. There are days that I just cry at the drop of a hat. I feel like the emptiness is too much. But those times do pass. They pass and we go on. We have to go on for them. Our sons may or may not change, but what would we be if we weren't there for them if that happens.

As SWOT says...today your son is healthy. He will be healthy tomorrow and the next day. Before the day comes that he is not, things may change for the better.

Have hope....for him and for you.
 

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
I just feel so helpless and forlorn. Defeated. I get to feeling I no longer want to live anymore. (I mean, I would want to live, but I do not have it in me anymore to tolerate life.) Like I have a terminal illness and I will never recover. There is something in me that keeps dying and dying over and over again. That I keep returning to. This is the feeling that keeps happening over and over. That I will never get over my terminal illness. My life. I cannot find the place anymore to fight. I am very, very sad.

How does one get over lack of hope? I have hope for my son. I just do not have hope for myself anymore. I fear that I will never be OK, again.

I listened to the Pope all week. He says there is always hope. There is always a return to the circle of G-d's love. I believe him. I just do not feel it in myself. I am the one person outside of the circle of hope. I do not know why. I guess this is what is called despair.

Thank you everybody. You are very wise. I am grateful.

COPA
Oh Copa, how I feel for you. My heart aches knowing you are feeling such despair. I pray that you will feel better. You have such wisdom and understanding. Your posts and responses to others and myself have been so comforting.

Could this despair you are feeling be coupled with the cold, hard realization that you have tried everything in your power and then some, to help your son, but he won't help himself? I have been there. That realization hits hard in the gut and sends us reeling into the pit.

I pray the new day brings you strength. I pray you are able to get up and see your value, see how much you have helped others.

If you continue to feel this way, and can't shake it off, please get help.

(((HUGS)))
 
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