Yep, I started a thread about this in 2012. We have cruised along more or less, thinking we had helped him by controlling his access to the internet, but we recently found a stolen iPod touch with internet in his room and lots of illegal child porn images. VERY DISTURBING. Trying to figure out what to do.
Here is the original thread:
http://www.conductdisorders.com/com...-something-emergency-again.50928/#post-559308
I guess we are considering turning him in, because all of the images are illegal. I think even cartoon child porn images are illegal in the US.
He has Asperger's. He also has borderline intellectual disability and the last time(only time) he was an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital, he came home with new tricks and ideas, so we are afraid sending him to be around more sophisticated teens. Also, we found he has frontal lobe brain damage and focal seizures that show damage in area of impulse control, so there are organic issues as well.
WTF do we do now? He is a few weeks away from turning 16. He is now the only child in the house and my husband is installing security cameras all over the house and yard, so perhaps this is a safer place for him than a jail, but we don't have resources to help him therapeutically. We are still totally lost.
I have written to some pedophile experts at major universities asking for contacts or resources for therapy, because we can't seem to find any on our own.
Is he a criminal for downloading images? Should he be prosecuted as such? I mean, this comes with a permanent record, even as a juvenile, right? He has autism, so I suspect he would like, DIE in juvie. He has no self-preservation skills at all.
Anyone want to chime in on this?
Good Morning!
SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX...
Ok, got that out of the way, so maybe I can try to respond... its been a long time for me! Replying not SEX! LOL
WOW it will never cease to amaze me how easily we become alienated, confused, outraged, overwhelmed and ashamed about a bodily function.
I "get" this so much!
I can tell you from personal experience, that in my opinion many people who are struggling with difficult child issues, want no part of your post! For some the heading will be enough to just keep them moving on.
Others may read your post... only to reassure themselves that "whew" they don't have anything like that happening to them!
Yep, most of us just cannot or will not put much energy into issues that do NOT directly relate to our own situation.
Its just the way it is, status quo thing you know.
Your situation is not unique to difficult child-Dom, we all have to deal with variants of this at some point in the journey... to be clear this applies to the most even keeled easy child just as much.
While I am being honest here, many marriages are like-wise afflicted as well, we simply don't have the "stomach" for it... discussing sex and sexual behavior.
There is no quicker, efficient, sure fire way to rid your self of excess friends, family and supporters than to tell them that you are in the company of someone you believe may be a sexual predator... this is already evidenced by your own Daughters (normal) reaction to disclosing to her potential life mate the "truth" about her brother...
And sadly... her concerns are so very real and VALID!
To say that I have some experience here would be an understatement.
Like you, I was determined to do what-ever I could to address my situation and seek any and all intervention strategies known and even unknown to man!
Its not out there... as a society we simply cannot treat these issues with any thing remotely resembling common sense... common sense is a no-show when its dealing with these taboos.
But we should, and so should you.
I remember vividly the 1st time I changed my Son's diaper and saw his penis erect... I was a 19 year old Mom, and I honestly did not KNOW that a baby could get these... the only experience I had with them was with men, and I honestly was worried that he had something wrong with him. My Mother-In-Law was staying with me those 1st few days and you can bet your sweet britches, I sure didn't have the hutzpah to broach it with her.
Some people are laughing right now, and asking how I could be so stupid? There is an easy answer for that... I was the product of sexual abuse... and my perspective on an erect penis was pretty skewed! I called my Grandma Burke...
As I updated her on each detail of my new baby, how he was eating, pooping and peeing, I him'd and haw'd about just the right way to tell her about this, and ask her what "he" was thinking about in order to have this happen. I sit here Mother of 5 with 14 Grands shaking my head and feeling very squeamish telling you or anyone else about this very TRUE story.
But, SHE was Grandma Burke, and I think my voice was almost cracking with tears... and she just blurted out that Babies DONT think about SEX and that they get pee-rections! WHEW! ALL Babies get them... WHEW! This was normal. WHEW! There were lots of things SHE didn't know when she had her 1st child. WHEW! I was going to be an awesome Mother. WHEW!
It is from this well spring, I will reply to your post...
I read your post and the replies, and went back to the original as well.
How is such an impaired difficult child not only managing to steal an IPOD,(and then hide) but also downloading images that from my understanding are difficult to locate and access? I think you might be getting the cart before the horse here... as it seems like you are in DEFENSE mode by using the limitations when he is clearly demonstrating to you a good level of competence... (trust me I completely understand your wanting to mitigate the consequences that this behavior might have on truly... the rest of his life) Just want you to ask yourself if you are not recognizing his abilities albeit anti-social skills...?
Find positives and build from there.
What is in his room?
Consequences for contraband in any milieu should be the same at his home. If he is going to steal and hide contraband in his room, there should be no place in his room to accommodate that behavior.
Meaning to me... in my home, you get a mattress, a pillow, and a blanket... all that STUFF that he calls his, are no longer his, and you don't have the skills or time to "shake down" his cell 10 times a day, so he doesn't get to keep it. IF or WHEN he is charged with a crime resulting from his behavior.... you can assure him, that you are being kinder because you are letting him keep his pillow. No dressers, bed frames, toys, books, pictures etc. his closet door gets locked and you chose his clothing each day. It really is no different than where he's headed except he will not be getting beat up and abused.
Window and door locks/alarms are also normal modifications.
As far as resources for him now, you are his resource, you are providing for his care, he is being housed, fed, socialized, educated, groomed, medically supervised (you take him to the Dr.) and you are restricting his ability to come into contact with potential victims right?
Is HE a criminal? YES, and you can impose a sentence upon him right now, just as you would for every other rule violation in your home. I know that you are wanting to know as in terms of the Legal System, and the answer is again YES! Should you initiate a complaint... that is up to you, but you really need to start at home right now... exposing him to his real consequences... granted it feels like you are over your head, but your NOT yet...
Should he be Prosecuted? YES! You can do that today, along with your Husband, hold court in the kitchen and let him know, that you have the evidence and this is what is punishment is. Should you be a Good Citizen 1st or a Good Parent? Its a tough call, you feel so responsible because you don't know that many other parents deal with / have dealt with issues that are similar with their own Children, difficult child's and easy child's alike, because quite frankly the way things are stacked many kids don't know WHERE the line is in regards to sex, thoughts about sex, sexual experimentation, and sexual acts. They don't know, because WE just don't/wont talk about them enough.
to be cont...