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General Parenting
my son is affected by my ex's verbal abuse of me i think
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<blockquote data-quote="HMBgal" data-source="post: 682357" data-attributes="member: 13260"><p>I was married to an emotionally and verbally abusive, authoritarian, controlling man for nine years, and he was the father of my three children. And when I finally screwed up the courage to leave, people asked me what took me so long. I always thought I was deficient in some way and it was all me. When I sneaked out of the house with $25 dollars I had earned cleaning someone else's house and went to a therapist and she asked me what my husband could do to make me love him again and I honestly couldn't think of a thing that would made a difference. And the therapist told me I was shutting down and if I wanted to have a life for myself as well as show my kids that how I was being treated was not okay, I had some tough decisions to make. And I made them. It has been so hard, and the kids had their processing to do, but they were quite young and I thought it was better to separate sooner rather than later to minimize the damage to them. They have bad memories of his behavior over the years because he remained in our lives as a co-parent. He never remarried; I guess he couldn't find a woman willing to kowtow to him like I did for so long. I married a wonderful man and my kids have always looked to him as their compass on how to treat people. It takes time. I did see some arrogant behaviors in my son as a teenager, but that was hard to separate out from just being a jerky teenager or emulating his father, but between me and new husband (now going 35 years of marriage), he was talked to and shown how to treat people every day.</p><p></p><p>My daughter is now locked into attempting to co-parent with a man (did she marry her father after all???) that hates her, calls her a narcissistic leech, manipulating, hateful, blah blah blah, and won't even mention her name in front of the kids. He calls her "it." Lovely. This is the situation that my difficult grandson is in the middle of. At least my grandson has us and now my husband and I are teaching another generation how to be respectful and kind to your partner and that controlling and hateful behavior towards another person that you are supposed to love (or loved at one point) is not okay.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HMBgal, post: 682357, member: 13260"] I was married to an emotionally and verbally abusive, authoritarian, controlling man for nine years, and he was the father of my three children. And when I finally screwed up the courage to leave, people asked me what took me so long. I always thought I was deficient in some way and it was all me. When I sneaked out of the house with $25 dollars I had earned cleaning someone else's house and went to a therapist and she asked me what my husband could do to make me love him again and I honestly couldn't think of a thing that would made a difference. And the therapist told me I was shutting down and if I wanted to have a life for myself as well as show my kids that how I was being treated was not okay, I had some tough decisions to make. And I made them. It has been so hard, and the kids had their processing to do, but they were quite young and I thought it was better to separate sooner rather than later to minimize the damage to them. They have bad memories of his behavior over the years because he remained in our lives as a co-parent. He never remarried; I guess he couldn't find a woman willing to kowtow to him like I did for so long. I married a wonderful man and my kids have always looked to him as their compass on how to treat people. It takes time. I did see some arrogant behaviors in my son as a teenager, but that was hard to separate out from just being a jerky teenager or emulating his father, but between me and new husband (now going 35 years of marriage), he was talked to and shown how to treat people every day. My daughter is now locked into attempting to co-parent with a man (did she marry her father after all???) that hates her, calls her a narcissistic leech, manipulating, hateful, blah blah blah, and won't even mention her name in front of the kids. He calls her "it." Lovely. This is the situation that my difficult grandson is in the middle of. At least my grandson has us and now my husband and I are teaching another generation how to be respectful and kind to your partner and that controlling and hateful behavior towards another person that you are supposed to love (or loved at one point) is not okay. [/QUOTE]
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my son is affected by my ex's verbal abuse of me i think
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