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My son is choosing homelessness
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 625947" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Kris, I am sorry that you have to be on this forum, but welcome to the party. We get it. We are walking on a similar road. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>After rereading your post again tonight I started wondering if he is using drugs or alcohol. The lying that comes with that is astounding. They lie when really, the truth would be just fine. My son lies all the time, and mainly tells me what he thinks I want to hear. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My son has stolen from me, his father, our neighbors, at least one employer (got caught that time) and who knows how many others? That is the hallmark of someone abusing drugs. They steal things and sell them to buy drugs. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have heard it said here many times that you can tell if things are changing by the people they are choosing to spend time with. A great signal. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>They always do. And maybe, even, they might believe some of what they are saying. I am really tired of talk. I want to see action. I have little patience for the talk anymore. Been there and done that. I have heard it all. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a huge thing. My difficult child also did the same thing. He got food stamps the last time he was homeless, and a phone that they provided. Then he didn't get them renewed. Why not? Possibly because renewal involves a drug test. Just like a halfway house and more overnight shelters. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Amazing how many things they can "lose." I think they sell a lot of things for cash, including ID. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Absolutely. You feel lost and bad because it is a very sad situation. It is awful. But the fact is, your son and my son are choosing their own paths today. They choose homelessness. And nearly four weeks ago, my son chose to steal $90+ dollars of merchandise from Wal-mart and get arrested. Again. He is back in jail. Again. This time he might go to prison. He made these choices, Kris. Not me. Him. It is so sad and sometimes I still cry. That is okay. And then I pick myself up, shake myself off, and get my head back on straight. </p><p></p><p>People make choices. Including me. I am choosing not to lose my own life because he is choosing to lose his. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No, you are not being too harsh. Detaching with love from your son is the right thing. Stopping enabling is the right thing.</p><p></p><p>Especially if he has told you he likes his life. Why in the world would you spend another minute trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do. He will not work for change in his own life unless and until he is sick and tired of that life. And if he LIKES it, he sure won't work for change. And you will be just pouring your money, your energy and your emotions into a bottomless black hole.</p><p></p><p>I am starting to think my own son likes the life he has been living for the past four years. It's living on the ragged edge. If this is true, this is a very important truth for me to learn and accept. </p><p></p><p>Hugs to you Kris. Keep coming back. We can give you our experience and ideas but in the end, it's still your choice what you do and we will support you regardless. This is hard, hard stuff.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 625947, member: 17542"] Hi Kris, I am sorry that you have to be on this forum, but welcome to the party. We get it. We are walking on a similar road. After rereading your post again tonight I started wondering if he is using drugs or alcohol. The lying that comes with that is astounding. They lie when really, the truth would be just fine. My son lies all the time, and mainly tells me what he thinks I want to hear. My son has stolen from me, his father, our neighbors, at least one employer (got caught that time) and who knows how many others? That is the hallmark of someone abusing drugs. They steal things and sell them to buy drugs. I have heard it said here many times that you can tell if things are changing by the people they are choosing to spend time with. A great signal. They always do. And maybe, even, they might believe some of what they are saying. I am really tired of talk. I want to see action. I have little patience for the talk anymore. Been there and done that. I have heard it all. This is a huge thing. My difficult child also did the same thing. He got food stamps the last time he was homeless, and a phone that they provided. Then he didn't get them renewed. Why not? Possibly because renewal involves a drug test. Just like a halfway house and more overnight shelters. Amazing how many things they can "lose." I think they sell a lot of things for cash, including ID. Absolutely. You feel lost and bad because it is a very sad situation. It is awful. But the fact is, your son and my son are choosing their own paths today. They choose homelessness. And nearly four weeks ago, my son chose to steal $90+ dollars of merchandise from Wal-mart and get arrested. Again. He is back in jail. Again. This time he might go to prison. He made these choices, Kris. Not me. Him. It is so sad and sometimes I still cry. That is okay. And then I pick myself up, shake myself off, and get my head back on straight. People make choices. Including me. I am choosing not to lose my own life because he is choosing to lose his. No, you are not being too harsh. Detaching with love from your son is the right thing. Stopping enabling is the right thing. Especially if he has told you he likes his life. Why in the world would you spend another minute trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do. He will not work for change in his own life unless and until he is sick and tired of that life. And if he LIKES it, he sure won't work for change. And you will be just pouring your money, your energy and your emotions into a bottomless black hole. I am starting to think my own son likes the life he has been living for the past four years. It's living on the ragged edge. If this is true, this is a very important truth for me to learn and accept. Hugs to you Kris. Keep coming back. We can give you our experience and ideas but in the end, it's still your choice what you do and we will support you regardless. This is hard, hard stuff. [/QUOTE]
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