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Substance Abuse
My son is homeless and on heroin
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651769" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, Kim. I am so sorry about your having to go through this. I will give you my .02 and you can take what you like and leave the rest.</p><p></p><p>Your son is a heroin addict. He is lying, stealilng and most likely abusing you either verbally, physically or both. He is really too old to be using your car and if he is an addict he does not belong on the street. I know it's hard, but this is for his safety as well as the safety of others. Nothing good ever comes of an addict with wheels. Makes it that much easier to use. If he crashes up your car, then you have to pay as well. </p><p></p><p>I understand that you worry about him, but he is nearing thirty and needs to learn that he is a man and that he can't count on you to solve his problems, even if you desperately want to try. You can't. He has walked out of rehab. He is still using. He is not trying. Have you ever gone to Al-Anon or gotten help for YOU about how to handle your addicted son? </p><p></p><p>I don't believe it is good to enable our addicted adult children, especially those hitting that thirty marker. They need a motivation to quit and we need to live our lives too. There is no point worrying about him. He would be doing th e same thing living with you as he is doing out on the streets. Often they act like toddlers and won't answer us if they are angry at us. Sometimes we become only their ATM and no longer seem like we are people to them...we are only what we provide for them. He is too old to be depending on you for money, rehabs, his cell phone, a car, or anything. </p><p></p><p>What you can do, and many of us here have, is write out a list of places where the homeless can eat and sleep. He may not like sleeping inside as there are rules at homeless shelters, but his decision is on him. He is choosing to live on the streets. He likes that he won't be judged and that he can do what he pleases without any flak. He is not the only adult child on this forum who is living on the streets. Most are not welcome back home. I personally don't feel you should let him back home either. </p><p></p><p>Do you have a SO and younger kids? I ask because they need you to be a healthy and well rested you, and you owe that to yourself too. You need to nurture and be good to yourself. There is not one thing you can do to force your son to change his lifestyle. You only have control over one person in the world and that is yourself. You can't change him, but you can learn new reactions to him, which sometimes does lead to the other person at least treating us better, which is nice. </p><p></p><p>Other than that, I am sorry you have to walk this journey. Many have done it. Some are doing it with you right now. Some have stepped over the worst, still have troubled adult children, but have great lives for themselves. It isn't easy, but we do learn to detach and let the mistakes fall on our adult children's shoulders. Your son is old enough to fight for his country, be married, be working full time and owning his own house. He needs to grow up. And we need to learn to allow them to sink or swim and to still allow ourselves happiness.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you had to join us. Others will be around to give feedback.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651769, member: 1550"] Hi, Kim. I am so sorry about your having to go through this. I will give you my .02 and you can take what you like and leave the rest. Your son is a heroin addict. He is lying, stealilng and most likely abusing you either verbally, physically or both. He is really too old to be using your car and if he is an addict he does not belong on the street. I know it's hard, but this is for his safety as well as the safety of others. Nothing good ever comes of an addict with wheels. Makes it that much easier to use. If he crashes up your car, then you have to pay as well. I understand that you worry about him, but he is nearing thirty and needs to learn that he is a man and that he can't count on you to solve his problems, even if you desperately want to try. You can't. He has walked out of rehab. He is still using. He is not trying. Have you ever gone to Al-Anon or gotten help for YOU about how to handle your addicted son? I don't believe it is good to enable our addicted adult children, especially those hitting that thirty marker. They need a motivation to quit and we need to live our lives too. There is no point worrying about him. He would be doing th e same thing living with you as he is doing out on the streets. Often they act like toddlers and won't answer us if they are angry at us. Sometimes we become only their ATM and no longer seem like we are people to them...we are only what we provide for them. He is too old to be depending on you for money, rehabs, his cell phone, a car, or anything. What you can do, and many of us here have, is write out a list of places where the homeless can eat and sleep. He may not like sleeping inside as there are rules at homeless shelters, but his decision is on him. He is choosing to live on the streets. He likes that he won't be judged and that he can do what he pleases without any flak. He is not the only adult child on this forum who is living on the streets. Most are not welcome back home. I personally don't feel you should let him back home either. Do you have a SO and younger kids? I ask because they need you to be a healthy and well rested you, and you owe that to yourself too. You need to nurture and be good to yourself. There is not one thing you can do to force your son to change his lifestyle. You only have control over one person in the world and that is yourself. You can't change him, but you can learn new reactions to him, which sometimes does lead to the other person at least treating us better, which is nice. Other than that, I am sorry you have to walk this journey. Many have done it. Some are doing it with you right now. Some have stepped over the worst, still have troubled adult children, but have great lives for themselves. It isn't easy, but we do learn to detach and let the mistakes fall on our adult children's shoulders. Your son is old enough to fight for his country, be married, be working full time and owning his own house. He needs to grow up. And we need to learn to allow them to sink or swim and to still allow ourselves happiness. I am so sorry you had to join us. Others will be around to give feedback. [/QUOTE]
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My son is homeless and on heroin
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